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May 20, 2022

How To Not Take Criticism Personally

Photo by Hassan OUAJBIR on Pexels.

People are going to judge and criticise us no matter what we do, but we get to choose how we perceive the judgement. When we practise self love it helps us not take things so personally.

When we send love and compassion to the parts of others that are critical, it automatically sends love and compassion to the critical parts of ourselves. This allows us to go deeper into the well of love within where we need no validation. And from that space, it allows us to empathise with the other person.

The person who criticises us a lot… Is likely to be incredibly critical of themselves.

The person who bullies and purposely excludes us… Is likely to feel insecure about their ability to maintain friendships.

The person who lies and manipulates to try and make us look bad… Is likely to be afraid of people seeing the parts of themselves that they think are bad.

The person who judges us for failing when we have a shot at our dreams… Is probably angry at themselves for not taking a shot at their own dreams.

The person who doesn’t cheer for us when we succeed… Is probably afraid of never having their own success or still grieving over a failure.

The person who makes fun of our fashion choices… Is likely to be even more Judgemental and insecure about their own wardrobe.

The person who gives us a hard time about being healthy… Is likely to be insecure about their own unhealthy habits.

The person who teases us for quitting drinking… Is probably having trouble controlling their own alcohol intake and wishes they could quit.

The person who is unable to respond to our separation in a loving way and rushes to reject us first… Is likely to be so afraid of abandonment that they they desperately need to beat us to the chase.

The person who gets angry when we try to set boundaries… Is probably angry at themselves for not being able to set their own.

The person who puts down our ideas… Is likely insecure about not having any of their own (and may end up copying our ideas after they criticise them).

The person who judges us for being a victim when we are vulnerable… Has likely repressed and shamed their own vulnerability.

Some people won’t be able to love the parts of us that are vulnerable because they are too scared to look at the vulnerable parts of themselves. 

Some people can’t cheer for us when we achieve something because they feel bad about the gifts and talents that they’re not using.

And some people are cheering for us silently on the sidelines but they are too self-conscious, busy, depressed, anxious, stuck or shy to let us know.

Whatever the reason is…

It’s not personal.

When people criticise us they are in pain.

We make limitations real when we are defensive and take others criticism personally. But when we can see others in their pain and not take it on as our own, we can have compassion and we can be an example of what’s possible for them – we can remind them that they can do what their heart desires too.

So keep taking risks, keep making mistakes, keep going after your dreams, keep following your heart and surround yourself with people who are able to put their insecurities aside and celebrate you, and those who can authentically communicate when they’re not in a space to support you because of their own stuff. And most importantly, send love and compassion to those who can’t.

As Ram Das said: We’re all just walking each other home.

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