2008. I’m 18 years old, single, states away from home, and eight months pregnant. The house is quiet. No one’s around. My surface-level smile fades and something inside of me is bubbling to be released.
I turned the stereo on high volume, closed my eyes, and felt the music. I started jumping up and down, shouting,
“Does she know how you told me
You’d hold me until you died
‘Til you died, but you’re still alive!
… And I’m here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away!!
It’s not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me!!
You, you, you oughta know!!!”
Tears streamed down my face. Cathartic release. Whole-body, emotional and physical release. The song ended and I smiled as if to thank Alanis for seeing what I hid.
Jagged Little Pill was my life’s soundtrack. It was my go-to for every phase and part of me that I felt. She knew what it was like to be me. She and I shared the same soul.
She knew why I didn’t make sense to people. She knew that nothing seemed to make any sense and that all I really wanted was some peace, man.
She knew how to empower me, and hold my hand through life. She made me feel seen and heard—and she doesn’t even know who I am.
At 3 a.m., I lay in bed awake pondering peace and trying to think my way through my mess, all the while, knowing that it all comes down to laying all that I resist down to rest and surrendering to the present moment. Yoga. Meditation. Acceptance. Thought stopping. Bringing myself back.
I grabbed my phone, looking for a way out. And that’s when I discovered divine timing.
On June 17th, the day before my birthday, my soul sister will be releasing a meditation album named “Storm Before the Calm.” Holy relatable.
I listened to an 11-minute meditation song that she just released—I felt every vibration and it brought me tears of gratitude. It’s not like your typical mediation music.
I find it fascinating how she was able to evoke and calm emotions without a single word. I was able to sit, feel, understand, and be seen again. Most importantly, I was able to do so with the set intention to breathe through it. This creation brought meditation to a whole new level for me.
14 years later, she still touches my soul.
In perfect alignment, she knows what we need. This time, she found the most mindful way for us to be with the feels.
Yet again, thank you, Alanis.