4.9
June 13, 2022

The Only Roots I Knew.

 

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When I was a little girl, I knew what people thought of me. Even if they didn’t tell me, they would show me. 

Their actions spoke the loudest, dug the deepest, rooted, embedded, gripping with the intensity of an eternal hold.

I believed back then that I was bad, broken, stupid, all while being a child. 

That I was different, that this was my role, my place, my section in life, and although I didn’t question it, I kept copious notes.

It mostly came from adults but soon their children would follow. And then the village. 

I lived in my parents story, being punished for their sins by people who were supposed to be Christian, by people who had their own secrets, but I didn’t know it then.

I was a child, what sins could I have committed to be treated in such a way?

I felt I was only there, turned real, brought to life when an adult had a temper tantrum, or another one needed to release their pain, unleash their judgment, and see me as despicable, deplorable. This could be seen clearly if any adult had been looking up from their own problems.

Otherwise, I was nowhere. I didn’t matter, I was of no use, I felt no meaning. The only roots I had were of trauma, it was the only thing I could count on.

Many years later, after much pain and much sorrow, I surrendered and stepped back one day. I took a good look around and that is when I saw the truth. 

My identity was stolen at my birth, or soon before. 

I am a Godly being. 

I am of God.

And so are you. 

No child or person should feel unseen, unheard, unimportant, unloved, invisible.

This is humanity’s biggest problem. 

So many adults are still walking around carrying the pain of their inner child. 

So many children paying the price to ride the rails that keep going round. 

Children do not have a choice, they have to ride the train—they have no voice. 

We cannot go back and change anything. 

But we can move forward. We need to be conscious of what we contribute to humanity, doing less harm by not projecting our unkept emotions onto others. 

I am committed to live the abundant life God intended. 

I have been committed to changing since the day I saw it,  the moment I saw that I am you and you are me. 

If I heal, you heal. If you heal, I heal.

~

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