My partner and I are…
Different. (If I’m being diplomatic here.)
Truthfully, though, we’re pretty much exact opposites.
He’s logical; I’m emotional. He keeps things inside; I want to talk everything to death. He gets antsy being in the house all day; I could lay on the couch and binge watch reality TV for hours. He has a spreadsheet for his finances; I just wrote out a budget for myself in the notes section of my phone last year. He doesn’t seem to stress about anything that’s not happening in that exact moment; I worry about something that happened last Tuesday and eight years ago and four months from now.
You get the picture.
There are times when I love our differences, when they keep life exciting, when they help me see a different perspective.
And then there are the times when our differences annoy the sh*t out of me. When every little thing he says or does or doesn’t do irks my nerves. When I struggle to understand the logic or the emotion behind his behavior.
When I wish he was just a little more like me.
In those moments, it can be easy to react…or overreact. (And there are definitely times when I do.) But I’m working on finding healthier ways to manage my feelings and ask for what I need while not escalating a situation to a 10 when it doesn’t deserve to be more than a two.
Here are 14 (mostly healthy) things to do when you’re annoyed with your partner, via Elephant readers:
Seems odd but, my husband and I go to separate rooms when we get into a fight/argument and then we text each other. We have found that it is better this way because we are less reactive since we have to actually pause to think about how we will respond to each other, instead of just popping off and saying things we will regret. It has worked out great for us! ~ Lisa
Go up to your besties’ house for a cuppa and laugh it off. ~ Louise
First, calm down before you say anything. Then say what you need to say and let it go. For me I need to process, so give them time to process too. Hopefully you will come to an understanding. It’s a give and take kind of thing most of the time. Being stubborn has no place if it really matters. Always be willing to say you’re sorry and forgive. Never go to bed angry. If you are both willing to work things out you will. ~ Sheila
Wear noise cancelling headphones. You’re welcome. ~ Andrew
Either a long walk in a forest preserve, a Mimosa lunch after a mani/pedi, or break out the Bazooka water gun and chase him/her around the yard until you are both tired and laughing. ~ Mindy
Anger is a valid emotion. You let yourself be angry. You’ll calm down but if you don’t sit with it for awhile and distract yourself too much, it’ll blow up again. I like to rage clean. Let my subconscious works things over while I aggressively clean my house, or dropping a lot of F bombs along the way. Usually afterwards the angry has settled into a place where I can use my words to convey what royally pissed me off in the first place. ~ Jenn
Hide the TV remote. Then we can be annoyed together. ~ Megan
Remember how much you love them and picture them as a child. Most fights happen when both partners are hungry, tired, stressed, and need sleep. Also splashing cold water on your face or taking a shower helps. Long walks too. ~ Alice
Talk to them about it and see if it’s a them thing or a you thing. ~ Rainee
Write them a letter explaining yourself. Re-read before editing and re-read once more before sharing with your partner. I think this allows you to process all of the emotions and see which is really yours and which is your projections; also, when we talk face to face we might interrupt and escalate it so the letter makes all neutral. ~ Melanie
By clicking “add to cart” as many times as necessary to feel better. ~ Sandra
Look at pictures of us in good times and remember why we love each other! We’ve gotten through really tough times, and we will get through more. ~ Cindy
Seems stupid, but we crack jokes. Even if we’re fuming, we’ll both start fooling around (even if we don’t want to). Then we talk about why we’re upset and usually it’s not so bad because we’ve been laughing. Forgive and then move on. ~ Alisha
Solo vacation! ~ Jana