September 18, 2022

10 Harsh Truths about Love: #5 It’s Not Them, It’s You.

*Editor’s Note: This piece is part of a series—lucky you! Follow Galina to get notified when the next article is available to read. And read Harsh Truth #4 here.

So you want to feel alive?

You miss being in love?

You’d like to remember what joy is?

Feel safe and free in your relationships?

Have a soul-to-soul connection with your lover?

You’ve probably read all the books and learned the attachment theory by heart. Yet nothing has changed in the way you relate.

You hit the same patterns time after time, while your craving for love gets more urgent…

The love you seek does not reside in mental knowing. 

And it’s not guaranteed that you’ll feel it, even if your partner satisfies your long list of requirements.

Your love, aliveness, and joy reside in your body. And arise from embodied knowing.

But bruised hearts and protective layers, hardened over time, are keeping us stuck.

Know why you can’t find intimacy in relationships?

Because you aren’t open to it.

Frozen shut by trauma, your nervous system cannot tolerate the “threat.”

What I teach is a complete overhaul of how you do relationships.

I will not teach you love languages. Or tell you how many times per week to have sex. Or advise you how you need to behave to save the marriage. Or how to present yourself on a date.

I seriously don’t care about that.

That’s just noise. A distraction. A waste of your time and resources.

Know how you can allow intimacy?

By learning how to feel safe to be who you really are, no matter where or with whom.

By cracking your armor. And releasing the heavy backpack of your personal and ancestral trauma from your shoulders.

By remembering your voice.

And then (re)learning to use it.

To speak your truth, to communicate your preferences and desires—beyond language!

Love starts with understanding. Understanding starts with safety. Safety starts in your body. 

How important is it for you to know intimacy?

To heal trauma? To thaw your heart?

And what are you prepared to do to get there?

Will you make time?

Will you allocate resources?

Will you commit to your own well-being?

Or will you wait?

Until there’s more time. Or more money.

Or the universe makes it more convenient for you?

Life doesn’t pause for us to catch our breath and start creating change.

We are the ones who need to slow down to notice what’s no longer working. We need to carve out the time and space for what we say is important to us.

The permission to put your needs first will never come from outside.

Don’t believe me? Try this exercise:

Take a moment to pause. Breathe three deep belly breaths, as you feel your rib cage expand too.

Think of someone you love: a person, a pet, a favorite place…

Soften into that vision.

Imagine connecting to that person, pet, or place, and feel the warmth of your own energy spreading.

Allow your whole being to fill up with that most graceful of emotions…

Until your eyes fill up with tears.

The tears are the overflow from your heart—that is what a full heart feels like.

It will not come from outside.

It is fully in your control.


Give from the overflow, generously!

You cannot think your way toward love, growth, or healing. You cannot wait for someone else to change, apologize, or make you feel loved.

No one else can give you permission to feel safe in your body.

You alone hold the key to your liberation.

And yet we cannot do this work in isolation.

Blind spots keep us stuck until the mirror of a healing container reveals them.

Limiting beliefs block us from growth until we feel safe enough to release them.

Reaction loops remain hard-coded until we map new paths in our nervous system.

Ready to feel it for yourself? My next program starts September 22nd. Join me on the adventure!

P.S: The outpouring of your emotion I have received in response to this series has touched me deeply. It confirms my knowing how needed this work is right now.

However, I’d like to offer a reminder. A little “tough love” for you all:

It’s only when we commit to making the change that the work really begins!

Not with intentions or inspiration. Not even with promises to ourselves.

We must follow through with our choices. We must take action on our promises.

Because beliefs are coded in your nervous system, every time you break out of your comfort zone and try something new (ever tried setting boundaries?), your whole system goes into a stress cycle (not now…not yet…once I’m ready…next fall…when it feels better…). Your survival instinct kicks in (so fast, so automatically, you don’t even notice it!) bringing you right back to the familiar place you so desperately want to break free from.

And feeling better never comes…

Until you face the excuses, the fears, the discomfort. Until you leap off that cliff—and discover you can fly.

As Rumi said, “You already have wings.” So, what are you waiting for?

Book your call now and let’s talk!


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Galina Singer  |  Contribution: 397,440

author: Galina Singer

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