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Almost all of us have heard of “nice guy syndrome.”
It’s often used to describe men who believe they’re entitled to attention, affection, dates, or even sex from women just because they see themselves as “good, kind, and polite guys.”
The reality is, of course, quite the opposite. And their behaviour often leaves them hanging in the famous “friendzone.”
There are good reasons why “nice guys” don’t get women. The main reason being obviously that they are actually so far from being nice.
I’ve been on dates with some of these so-called “nice guys.” Maybe you have too.
Here are some similarities I have noticed in almost all of their behaviour:
1. The nice guy is usually angry.
The nice guy is usually full of anger, resentment, frustration, and utter bitterness. He has problems with just about every other guy who is more confident, more successful, or better looking than him. This stems from his own deep insecurities. He is usually dropping comments such as:
“women only dates jerks”
“women want men who treat them like sh*t”
“nice guys never get a chance because women only like bad boys”
“nice guys like me always finish last…that’s just how it is in this world”
“women date dickheads and then come running back to us nice guys”
The nice guy has so much suppressed anger because he is living a lie. He hides his true emotions, wishes, and values in order to come across as kind. Deep down, he is terrified of rejection and will do anything or say anything to gain acceptance and approval. This then leads to passive aggressive behaviour and outbursts.
2. The nice guy is manipulative.
The nice guy tends to have manipulative traits. If he does something for you, he usually expects something back in return. For example, he might drive you home and then expect a kiss or to be invited back to your house in return. Or he might buy you flowers in exchange for a sexual act (seriously, WTH!?)
He has a complete victim mentality—he feels sorry for himself when things don’t go his way. He will talk about how he is a total victim of women being cruel to him, walking all over him, taking advantage of his goodness, and leaving him after everything he has done for her. *sulk, sulk, sulk*
What he doesn’t realise is that truly nice people do things out of pure kindness, not out of manipulation or because they want something in return. It comes straight from the heart. It has no second intentions.
3. His behaviour is clingy and over the top
The nice guy is always available (this is actually a major turn off for women). He often exhibits controlling behaviour, texting 24/7, wondering why you aren’t texting him back 24/7. He might want to be with you all the time. If you respond and say you are busy with someone else, he might suddenly give you the cold shoulder. It often feels quite suffocating.
You know the quote, “It seems too good to be true.” Well, that phrase is pretty accurate when it comes to the “nice guy.” You might feel it in your gut—that something just feels a bit off, exaggerated, fake, forceful. The “nice guy syndrome” is a form of male entitlement.
There is such a huge difference between a truly nice guy and a guy who is wearing “niceness” as a way to gain love and physical intimacy. Of course there are millions of genuinely nice guys out there who don’t have second motives behind their sleeves. They’re worth looking out for.
I partly blame the patriarchy for the “nice guy syndrome.” Has the patriarchy really set the bar so low that men believe that doing the bare minimum is enough to get what they want and please from women?