It was 1987 when I was first introduced to the good girl/bad boy chemistry in the movie “Dirty Dancing.” I thought love happened when the good girl landed the bad boy.
My attraction to the bad boys had gotten my heart broken more times than I’d like to remember.
He was that boy who was always so emotionally unavailable. He was completely indifferent to my needs. He was so damn moody. He was mysterious, evasive, and secretive. And he was f*cking unpredictable and unreliable.
Yet, I was attracted to him. There was just something exciting about those bad boys.
The alternative was to date someone simple. But the fact was, all the simple boys were so goddamn boring.
So I continued to date bad boys all throughout my teenage years, which meant I continued to have my heart crushed over and over again.
As my teenage years dwindled and I became a woman, my taste in men stayed exactly the same, despite the fact I had full knowledge of the dangerous territory I was in.
But the bad boys—who were now men—brought the excitement I craved in a relationship.
They were the ones who magically appeared in my life straight out of a fairy tale, just to leave as quickly as they came.
They were the ones who were strong and confident, which made me feel safe and protected, just to leave when I needed them the most.
They were the ones who brought out the rebellion in me, just to leave when my wild side felt comfortable.
They were the ones who made me feel alive every minute we were together, just to leave when I thought everything was as perfect as it could be.
I was going to land my very own bad boy and we were going to live happily ever after.
I knew they were all wrong for me. Yet I continued to subject myself to taking a chance that the bad boy would actually be my forever. It was a challenge of sorts to somehow change that bad boy into a loving, committed person, which never happened.
Whatever made those guys bold and adventurous made them less able to follow the rules on dating, relationships, and marriage—leaving a trail of broken hearts in the wake of their presence.
Until one day I gave one of the boring guys a chance. And he was everything I always dreamt of in a relationship in a surprisingly different but solid way.
All the things that made a man boring ended up being his best traits.
Boring guys are predictable.
Predictability may not be exciting, but it means stability. He is the man who will walk through your front door the same way each and every day. He will be wearing the same work gear. He will be carrying the same lunchbox. He will even have the same greeting. Totally predictable. But he is going to walk through your door for the next 50-plus years.
It doesn’t matter how hard it gets, this man is not planning to leave suddenly without warning. When he said forever, he meant forever.
Predictability is sexy.
Boring guys are dependable.
Dependability won’t ever be adventurous, but it means trustworthy and reliable. He is the man who will snake the shower drain and never complain. He is the man not ashamed to stand in line at the pharmacy to pick up feminine products. He is the man who will take out the trash and mow the lawn for fun. This guy, although he may not wist you off your feet often, will be there for you no matter what.
Dependability is true romance.
Boring guys are nice.
Nice might not be bold, but it means caring, thoughtful, and generous. He is the guy who will make sure you have a full tank of gas. He will call to make sure you made it to work safely. He remembers to put down the toilet seat. He will hold your hand just because.
Nice is enchanting.
The bad boys may be fun. They are super flirty. They are really sexy. But they are not the foundation to a relationship. They are not love.
The boring guy is easy to understand. No f*cking games. You can predict his next move.
The boring guy will stay loyal. He will always be there when you need him.
Love isn’t flashy. Love isn’t bliss. It’s not even passion.
Love is building a beautiful life with someone. It’s creating a life together to become perfect for each other over time and not expecting perfection.
Love is actually a lot more boring than we think. It’s not all a whirlwind. It’s not a fairy tale.
Love isn’t the ones who magically appear. Love is the one who stays.
Love isn’t strong and confident. Love is the one who is there when you need them the most.
Love isn’t exhilarating and fun. Love is comfortable.
Love doesn’t make you feel alive. Love is simple and boring.
It’s knowing that you have someone there who isn’t going anywhere.
My expectations on love were completely unrealistic.
We won’t get swept off our feet. We may not ever get butterflies. But we will have something loving and stable.