I haven’t written in a while, apparently a long while and that is because I had completely lost touch with myself. No, not in a bad way, but in a very good way.
Healing is such a beautiful experience.
What they don’t tell you about healing is…you don’t always “find” yourself, nor do you need to. Healing is a continuous journey that doesn’t have an end. The truth is, we aren’t always healing from an obvious trauma, sometimes we are healing from the every day that affects us; the wounds that build up over time from our every day experiences. So while some of us have intense childhood trauma that has wreaked havoc over the course of our lives, others have trauma from their every day experiences that they have allowed to build up over time.
Trauma is a word that encompasses many different and painful experiences and healing is an action, an ongoing action that continues throughout our lives. Healing from trauma is not easy, it is not quick and it usually doesn’t just end. You don’t really hear anyone say “I am healed”. You usually hear “I am healing”.
“Our experiences don’t define us, how we respond to them does.”
Through my healing journey I have had several moments where I have felt lost, yes lost, but not in despair. I have not felt lost and confused nor did I feel lost and alone, I just simply felt lost within myself. It was a feeling I wanted to experience fully and explore.
There is so much opportunity when you are lost. You become fully open to the magic of what life has to offer you. When you just simply exist, be, rest and accept, life can unfold.
I have felt so different from those around me, as if they are no longer a fit or maybe I am no longer the fit. I do know that the glue that once held us together and bound us, has worn off and now I feel that there is nothing holding us together.
Through my healing, I have naturally learned that attachment to things, outcomes, ideas are not abnormal but they are what cause us pain when there is a loss. In order to avoid that pain you need to learn how to have healthy attachments so that when there is loss which is usually imminent and unavoidable, the pain isn’t debilitating, its simply grief, which we all experience in our lives. Its the natural progression of life and growth.
So now the found me wants something different, something satisfying and challenging but also something that is soothing and soul quenching. Something that fits who I am at this moment.
From my personal experience, if you do this life right, you do not stay as you are throughout your lifetime. You change, you evolve, you make mistakes, you learn, you hurt, you heal and ultimately you grow until there is nothing left and then you simply breathe.
So as I write this, and I try to get my groove back, I recognize that where I am is not where I will stay and that with each passing day I get one step closer to being able to just…breathe!
I would love to hear about your healing journey and how you see it, feel it, taste it and experience it. Everyone’s journey is so different and beautiful in their own way!