August 8, 2023

How Mother Nature Shifted My Inner World.

With hands full of my favorite meditation essentials, carrying a mug of cacao, a few crystals, and a notebook tucked under my arm, I reach for the doorknob, opening the door to the outside.

This is always my favorite part of the morning, the part that acts as a hyphen between early morning tasks and the rest of my day. An intentional sacred pause that helps me to recalibrate for the day ahead.

As the door closes behind me, I am greeted by a forest. There is a light fog weaving through the trees, the air redolent of early morning dew and the rushing sound of water from the river my property sits upon.

I make my way to the familiar metal chair I use every morning and sit down.

I set my things down next to me as I attune myself to the moment. Closing my eyes, I breathe and just exist, clearing my mental and emotional cache from the day before.

Just as I am ready to open my eyes, I feel the sun’s luminosity dance across my face as if to say, “Good morning loved one.” I open my eyes and smile as I take in the warmth of the sun and Mother Nature’s beauty from my vantage point. I can feel the current of energy that animates everything around me. I tune into it and feel at one with all that is. I listen to the birdsong and the undulating water rushing downstream, and I allow myself to become immersed in it. Dissolving the boundary between myself and the sound waves. I am limitless, expansive, pure potential.

It is the relationship with Mother Nature that has truly helped me sustain my sanity and emotional resilience through life. Especially in the absence of a real mother or really any parental guidance at all. But it was the complicated grief from all the years of missed connection with my mother, all the complex layers of dysfunction, that I had yet to thoroughly unpack and heal.

The first chunk of healing happened within a few different containers, talk therapy, somatic work, guided meditation, and sound therapy to name a few. But the most profound therapeutic container I found myself in was that of Mother Nature.

Immersed in her dense forest, I felt the support and protection I longed for as a child. Along her rivers, I found the courage to let go of perfectionism with her gentle guidance to just flow and trust that all will be taken care of. Standing atop her mountainous peaks, I found the tenacity to go after my dreams. Held within her caves, I felt a sense of belonging that, until that point, was unfamiliar. Dancing in her fields of wildflowers, my creative potential was encouraged.

All her wise teachings were imbued in every experience I had with her, and I took those teachings and allowed them to foster self-growth. I allowed them to take the place of all that I had discovered that I had not learned in my years of parental guidance. I allowed them to be the building blocks of the evolution of my consciousness. In doing this, I built an unshakable sense of confidence, a strong sense of self-efficacy. I developed a wonderful form of self-regulation and created a place of nourishment that could never be taken from me.

So long as I am alive here on Earth, Mother Nature will be my primary source of connection and consolation. This notion helped my anxiety around connection and the all-consuming fear of being let down dissipate. My heart felt safe knowing that, outside of any other relationships that are subject to change, my connection with nature would not waver.

This realization settles in as I am brought back to my body and notice some movement out of my peripheral vision. Out of the trees appears a small family of deer—one mom, one dad, and one baby. I watch as they calmly forage for food along the riverbank and take in the magic of the morning. The baby prances alongside the mom before gaining a burst of energy and sprinting off.

Curious as to its whereabouts, I stand from my chair and look in the direction of movement. As soon as my body left the chair, the baby deer was galloping in the opposite direction, full speed ahead. My eyes follow it as it effortlessly bounds over a fallen log. I could feel its joy and childlike wonder. Sitting back down, I watch as the baby continues to run back and forth as the mom calmly grazes and the dad listens intently for any threats.

I use this moment as a lesson, “Allow yourself to be joyful, to embrace childlike wonder; you will always be protected and nourished, for you are a child of the universe, and you are never alone.”

As this profound lesson settles into the ground of my being and converges with the heart opening benefits of the ceremonial cacao I drank, my vision becomes clouded with tears. As warm tears stream down my cheeks, my attention turns inward as my heart swells with gratitude for the clarity and presence needed to hear this wisdom and how deeply it has redirected the current of my life. I take this with me as I gather my things and rise from the chair. Walking toward the door, I turn and look at my mother one more time, I say aloud “Thank you for helping me become everything I am, and thank you for your unconditional support and nourishment. I love you.”

If ever you feel alone, unworthy, amid despair, or if you’ve ever convinced yourself that your life is devoid of anyone who truly cares, I implore you to go step outside with the intention to heal. Take a clear and honest look; become sensitive to everything around you. Whatever you are looking for or needing in the moment can be found within this container of intrinsic creation.

Mother Nature is a wellspring of sustenance on all levels, body, mind, and soul.

Steeped in this healing, you will rise once again renewed and recharged with the reminder that you are eternally supported, and everything is constantly working out in your favor. The obstacles of life are opportunities for deeper connection to self.

As you connect deeper to yourself, take the acquired healing, and go shine it into your world. Allowing your actions to ripple out like the sun’s rays, illuminating and empowering everything it touches.


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