August 9, 2023

The Art of Love: The Lessons I’ve Learned from Failed Relationships.

You’ve heard of rom-coms, right?

Those lovely, laughter-infused films where the characters fumble their way through love until they find their “happily ever after.”

Well, welcome to the unabridged, lesbian edition of my own rom-com life, sans the Hollywood glamour and conveniently timed rain showers.

Starting from the beginning, my journey into the world of dating women was about as smooth as a hedgehog on a slip ‘n slide. It was a beautiful mess, a medley of missteps, and some serious laugh-out-loud moments.

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way:

1. U-Hauling is hilariously real but not always ideal.

If you’re a fellow member of the lesbian community, you’ll understand the “U-Haul on the second date” stereotype. For me, it was more like a U-Haul on the first date. Once, my date and I were so smitten that we’d planned our entire future by dessert, including the names of our future dogs. It happens, right?

Spoiler alert: we broke up two weeks later. The lesson? Slow down, enjoy the journey, and remember that love isn’t a race.

2. Communication isn’t just for talk show hosts.

Another relationship taught me the importance of open communication. My girlfriend at the time was a pro at passive-aggressive behavior, an art form she’d perfected over the years.

Her favorite? The silent treatment symphony.

It wasn’t until our relationship turned into a game of charades that I understood the need for straightforward conversation. Funny how trying to interpret her silent cues taught me more about communication than any relationship book could.

3. Don’t go changing to try to please her.

I’ve morphed into a different person faster than a chameleon on a rainbow. I traded my beloved superhero T-shirts for button-ups and ties. And my quirky humor for a more refined wit—all to please her. Unsurprisingly, we fizzled out, leaving me with a wardrobe crisis and an identity to reclaim.

The hilarious takeaway? Changing myself to suit someone else is about as practical as trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

4. The art of balancing space and togetherness.

In one relationship, we got so engrossed in our little love bubble that we practically melded into one person. We were inseparable, attending the same events, taking up the same hobbies, even finishing each other’s sentences. It all seemed romantic until we realized we missed our individuality. We had become “we” so much that we forgot the “I.”

In a sitcom-worthy revelation, we learned the hard way that even in the closest relationships, maintaining personal space is crucial.

5. Love languages aren’t just for linguists.

One of my relationships was like a comedy of errors due to our wildly different love languages. I’m all about affection—hold my hand and play with my hair and I’m on cloud nine. My girlfriend, however, was all about acts of service. While I was busy writing her heartfelt letters, she felt like she was being taken for granted. It took some time to understand each other’s needs, but once we did, it was like flipping on a light switch.

So, there you have it. A crash course that I didn’t plan to take but am so glad I did. Love isn’t easy and epic fails can happen, but if you can laugh at your own misadventures, they become funny stories instead of regrettable mistakes.

Through every stumble, failed relationship, and heartbreak, I’ve learned to laugh, to learn, and to keep loving.

May your adventures be as fun and enlightening as mine.


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