Before meeting my husband, I endured massive heartbreaks.

Some were easy to handle, and others not so much. Either way, I had to cope. I had to learn how to move on and have the courage to face my pain. But mainly I had to force myself—every single time—to look for something positive. To realize that heartbreak could be a good thing.

And so I did. I kept sweeping my ugly reality under the rug and pushed myself to see the “good thing.”

Everybody kept telling me that I should be thankful for it—that somewhere along the way I would look back and be so goddamn grateful.

But I never was.

And, I think, I was too afraid to admit it.

It goes without saying that there were so many lessons after every heartbreak and my life did, in fact, change for the better. But if I were to look deeper into myself, I would be faced with a woman who was never thankful for being left, or for leaving.

Heartbreak is ugly and we need to stop acting or forcing ourselves to believe that it’s good when it happens. If someone were to tell me that 10 years down the road I would be happy and in a healthy marriage, I probably would have laughed hard. So it was impossible to be thankful for heartbreak.

Even now, years and years after heartbreak (and even though I’m perfectly happy), when I look back, I don’t always feel thankful for the experiences that have caused me pain.

And I think it’s okay. Why do we keep pushing ourselves to see the good in every bad thing? Some experiences, emotions, or memories are bad, and maybe, just maybe, that’s how they’re supposed to be.

So stop lying to yourself. Maybe you are thankful and that’s great. But maybe you’re not and that’s great too. Saying that we’re thankful for something that we never wanted to end is a way of coping. Pretending to be thankful makes us feel better, but it doesn’t mean it’s right.

Please know that it’s okay to admit when we’re not happy with the end result. Embracing our emotions as they are is way more important than practicing fake gratitude.

The next time someone tells you to be grateful for your last heartbreak, stop and ask yourself if you truly are…because maybe you’re not.

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