March 13, 2024

I Am Not a Commodity & My Value Does Not Diminish with Age.

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“Age is irrelevant. Ask me how many trips I’ve taken, sunsets I’ve seen, laughs I’ve shared, concerts I’ve been to, bedtime stories I’ve read, and people I’ve loved. That’s how old I am.” ~ Unknown

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I’m becoming increasingly disappointed that a small segment of society is obnoxiously vocal in their opinion that as women age our value diminishes.

As though our only value is to look youthfully beautiful and bear children. Like we are a commodity. An object placed on Earth to serve the purpose of pleasing men. That as we age, we are seen as less. That as we age, we have nothing to offer. That as we age, we are harshly judged by our looks.

On the flip side, this small segment of society is equally as vocal in their opinion that as a man ages, his value increases. He is highly sought after and desired. That the youthfully beautiful women are fighting over themselves to capture one of these elusive older “higher value” men. After all, isn’t that what every woman wants? I mean men age like fine wine and women, well, we age like sour milk…is the popular catch cry (insert sarcasm).

Women being seen as commodities is not something new; it has been a theme throughout the times. But in 2024, it really needs to be put quietly to bed and never awoken again. Ageing women being seen to have a diminishing value is a growing theme and one that is interesting given the matriarchal societies where ageing women are sought out for their wisdom. Their teachings. Their experience. Their guidance. They are viewed as incredibly important and valued members of their society. They are respected and even revered. Their beauty is in their power. It’s in everything they have to offer and both the women and the men in these societies hold these ageing women in high esteem.

We all age; it’s the trajectory of life. Some age well and gracefully; others do not. Some learn, heal, and grow along the way; others do not. Some love themselves and their life so have no need to belittle and judge; others do not. Some understand the importance of ageing, because the opposite is dying young; others do not. Some are here to nurture and nourish; others are not.

What we are seeing from this segment of society are the insecure. The bitter. The angry. The rejected. The abandoned. The scared. The inability to emotionally regulate and seek much needed therapy and instead voicing their nasty and hateful opinions, as if they are truth. As if they are gospel. As if they are fact. And every time I see or hear the narrative that ageing women are essentially worthless, I wonder who hurt these people? I wonder what happened in their life to feel and think such ugly thoughts? Did their mother do a number on them? Did a partner hurt them? Have they been rejected by someone over 30? I wonder what terrifies them about ageing women?

Ageing women have become the punching bags to a group of emotionally dysregulated and wounded men.

I’m 55, so by their standards, I have lost all my value. I’m worthless. Their opinion doesn’t personally bother me because I can see it for the nonsense that it is. I know my value and my worth and do not require external validation.

So you may be wondering why I’m writing about this if it doesn’t bother me personally? And the answer is because it bothers me as a woman. It bothers me that some women are being hurt, degraded, and shamed for simply getting older. Told they are ugly, fat, run through, useless. They are being disrespected. It bothers me that I have a daughter and a granddaughter who I do not want at some point to be hurt by any of this bullsh*t. It bothers me because I have a son who is kind, respectful, and values all women, and this sort of content is poisonous to young men.

The other part of their narrative is that wealth makes them high value. No matter their behaviours. No matter their toxicity. No matter their insecurities. No matter their bitterness. No matter if they’ve taken care of their emotional, mental, and physical health. Yet they are either single or flitting from one toxic relationship to another but have the audacity to think their unhealthy beliefs are important. That what they believe is fact. Only unhealthy women want these unhealthy men.

If they actually want a mutually satisfying and loving connection, they need to do some work on themselves so they can attract the right sort of people into their lives. But if they continue to showcase their wealth as their value, they will continue to attract people who only care about their wealth. It’s not rocket science, but they don’t seem to have the cognitive ability to recognise this.

So back to the value of ageing women. And there is so much value. I understand there are women who need to do some internal work and seek therapy, but as I’m a woman who has spent many years working on myself, I know what I bring to the table. I feel good about how I look and who I am. I know there are plenty of beautiful men who love, honour, and respect older women and our gifts. I’m unfazed if someone thinks I’m of little use or worth, because I know I am, but I still do worry about those who this sort of rhetoric hurts.

In my humble opinion, I don’t think too many women value men who speak like this. And I think the only women falling for their sh*t are the ones who haven’t the maturity or self-awareness to know who they are and what they really want. Because any connection that is based on materialistic and shallow qualities being of value is a connection that is doomed from the start. There’s no vulnerability, trust, truth, compassion, grace, kindness, or loyalty in a connection like this and there’s certainly no love.

So if believing ageing women are worthless and pursuing shallow connection is your thing, great; go ahead with your revolving door of superficial connections, but can you do it quietly? Privately? Can you do it without disrespecting a whole demographic? Can you do it without a microphone and nasty comments? Can you just live your life without all the hyperbole?

Surely you are happy? After all, you are “high value” according to yourself and can get any young, nubile, and beautiful woman. Yes? So why is it that with all the “value” you have and all these women who still hold their youthfully beautiful “value” flocking to you like a blowfly to a clump of dog poo you are degrading ageing women like your life depended on it? Where do you find the time in your “high value” and busy dating life? Why are ageing women such an issue for you, given you apparently have what you want? What is it about us that threatens you?

This narrative is a sad indictment on the emotional intelligence of some men. It’s a clear indicator of how miserable they are, as they denigrate ageing women to feel better about themselves. They are terrified of ageing. Being alone scares the absolute sh*t out of them. They are continually searching for external validation that comes in a young package. But still they are terribly unhappy.

Because they are not viewing women as human beings. They are using them as commodities to discard when their perceived usefulness or beauty diminishes. They have such little regard and respect for themselves that they have no idea how to truly love and respect another. And the sad truth is most of them will grow old with no true connections in their lives. Most of them will grow old regretting how they treated others because their loneliness is killing them.

To the self-proclaimed “high value” man, respect the value of an ageing woman. Respect her wisdom. She is of no less importance than you. She is your mother. Your grandmother. Your aunt. Your sister. Your partner (if you can maintain a relationship). And one day, she may even be your daughter. She is not a commodity and her value never diminishes with age.

Stop lying to yourself that you are “high value” when you have nothing to offer but money. Stop kidding yourself that men age better than women. Stop beating your “high value” chest—because nobody else is. Stop seeking validation from other insecure men, looking to blame others for their woes. Don’t ostracise half of the population because you’re too scared to heal your wounds. You’re too scared to really feel. Do better. Be better.

Shoutout to the real high value men. The one’s who honour and cherish us women of all ages. The ones who share our lives. The ones we trust, respect, and love. The ones who know money means nothing if you’re an asshole. The ones who understand ageing happens to us all and it’s a gift. The ones who work on being better and are unafraid of being vulnerable. The real men, in real life, who have no need to treat women poorly to make themselves feel better. We thank you.

To all the incredible women, no matter your age, you are beautiful. You are valued. You are important. You are worthy. Never forget that.

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