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Sometimes no matter what we do, we may feel that inner peace is not possible.

Unexpected complications may arise at any moment, on any given day. And regardless of how hard we may try to dodge them, if they’re meant to strike, they will strike.

When our life suddenly turns upside down, we may feel angry—at someone, at the world, or even at ourselves—for many different reasons. Even if our anger is silent or dormant, it can—and will—hurt us.

In Buddhism, anger is one of the three poisons that are the primary causes of our suffering on Earth. If we look closely at our mental and emotional state when we’re consumed by anger, we can clearly spot that the feelings associated with anger are indeed poisonous—and detrimental.

Because when we’re overwhelmed with rage, we can’t think straight. We hold on to the cause of our anger and more often than not struggle to move on without the need to punish the person who has wronged us.

“Anger can never remove anger; anger can only promote more anger.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

According to Buddhism, we may feel the urge to punish the people who have caused our anger because we may not know how to handle the overwhelming emotions that anger perpetuates within us.

But maybe if we learn what we can do with our anger, we may be able to decrease our suffering and the suffering of others.

If you want to tame your temper—Buddhist-style—ask yourself the following questions:

1. Can I accept that I am responsible for my anger?

It’s true that external factors may trigger our anger, but how we choose to handle it is entirely up to us. I know it’s hard to take responsibility for such a complicated mental state, but if we can accept that we’re the only ones who are responsible for our emotions, we can take the necessary steps to rightfully cope with them. When we understand that our relief is not in someone else’s hands, we naturally calm down and work on finding peace within.

2. Am I willing to find the roots of my anger?

It’s not easy to identify the roots of our anger, but when and if we do, it becomes easier to identify the external triggers in the future and learn to cope with them before or when they arise. We need to acknowledge as well the roots that are within us and examine what’s hindering us from practicing mindfulness instead of jumping into hatred, blame, and fear. So sit with the tension and see where the aggression is coming from.

3. Will it matter 10 years from now?

Genuinely ask yourself if the event that’s upsetting you right now will matter in five, 10, or 15 years. It most probably won’t, so obsessing over it here and now is pointless. Think that a decade from now you might not even remember the details of the event or the faces of those involved. That thought alone should be able to calm you down right away.

4. How is my anger helping me?

Chances are it’s not helping you at all. When we’re in the midst of an outrageous situation, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s really important. And what’s important is learning how to cultivate compassion and loving-kindness toward ourselves and all beings, especially when they cause us harm.

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