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Dating was supposed to be a whirlwind of romance and butterflies until we met the one we were going to spend the rest of our life with.

You know, soulmate kind of sh*t.

But I somehow didn’t experience any romantic wooing from any potential suitors. Instead, I found myself in a world of uncertainty and confusion. I was doomed from the start when I seemed to meet people who could only offer casual hookups. It felt as though no one cared to be a contender in this thing called love.

With each person I became involved with, the situation started to resemble the relationship before. None of the men I was meeting wanted a committed relationship. Not one of them. I dug deep through my memories to make sense of the common denominator and I saw a pattern.

I was the problem.

Other women my age were experiencing relationship bliss while I couldn’t even get a proper date from someone I was spending my time with.

The behaviour of my dating prospects was unhinged, but what I allowed in those relationships set up a pattern that continued to attract the same meaningless connections.

I entertained any scrap of attention that I received.

I dated guys who had a habit of calling me out of nowhere. I hadn’t talked to him in months yet it didn’t stop him from calling me whenever he felt bored. But at the time, I took his random calls to mean that he missed me and wanted to be with me. Each and every time I heard from him, I allowed him to continue to dip in and out of my life for years.

I openly accepted his sweetness and allowed it to consume me until he clocked out again leaving me feeling empty.

I set the bar so low.

I dated guys who had nothing to offer me. He made it clear, from our first encounter, that he didn’t want a girlfriend yet I allowed him to make out with me at the end of a drunken night at the club.

He didn’t even try to pursue me throughout the night. He stayed far away from me. And yet I allowed him to stumble over my way when he needed attention at the end of the night.

That wasn’t the only time. I somehow gave into the drunken hookups so much that my heart convinced myself it was a love story waiting to happen.

I accepted all last-minute dates.

I dated guys who always called last minute to see what I was up to so we could grab dinner and drinks. I liked him so much that I accepted every time. Even if I was about to go to bed, I’d quickly get dressed just so I could see him. He never planned ahead, so I never knew if or when I’d see him leaving me in a waiting stance the entire time we dated.

I gave in to hooking up too early.

I dated guys who had serious potential in the beginning. He called when he said he would. He asked me out on a proper date with days in advance to properly prepare. He picked me up and gifted me with flowers. I was into this guy. I loved the traditional dating vibe he started out with and I wanted more. Our conversations were entertaining and he was someone I could totally see myself with. He was smart, kind, and a gentleman until he pushed for more than I was willing to give. I wasn’t even close to ready, yet I talked myself into it for fear that he wouldn’t like me or would move on to someone else who would.

He faded away rather quickly anyway.

I constantly found myself in the never-ending cycle of attracting guys I was excited about on the surface. Only to end up disappointed every single time.

I allowed all of them to treat me as if I didn’t matter. And that can make someone feel worthless.

My dating habits were all on me and what I was choosing to accept. I was accepting the love I thought I deserved.

I didn’t have control as to how people treated me, but I did have control over what I allowed and accepted.

It all starts from within.

And I refuse to allow anyone to make me feel worthless. It was time to take back parts of myself I had lost.

I decided to stopped dating all together. I ignored all the random calls. I stopped going out to the clubs. And I blocked people who never had anything to offer me.

I wasn’t willing to settle for less than I deserved. I deserved a life partner who could navigate life’s biggest challenges with me. I wasn’t willing to waste my time on a question mark.

I took time for myself and created a full life.

I poured myself into work to really craft my career. I wanted to be the best in my field and be placed on a path to succeed financially.

I began an exercise routine to get my body, mind, and soul healthy. I dedicated several evenings to myself to get stronger with strength training, high intensity intervals training, and cardio.

I treated myself the way I deserved to be treated. I treated myself the only way I would ever allow anyone to ever treat me again. With love and respect, I became my own contender.

Once I was ready to begin dating again, I wasn’t dating to have someone complete me. I was already complete. I was dating to have a man add to my already fabulous life.

I could feel the shift from hookup to serious potential. I wasn’t waiting around or forcing things forward to make it happen; I was completely detached, and I trusted if this was the man for me it would happen on its own.

My vibe was irresistible now, and I was matched with potential suitors.

I still had the occasional meaningless connections that would try to slip in, but I knew better this time and it was shut down immediately. I was worth so much more than I originally gave myself credit for. That nonsense didn’t live in my world any longer.

Now, I love myself fiercely and the world matches that love.

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