January 26, 2023

The Dating Red Flag that Leaves us Feeling Mentally & Emotionally Drained.

He was very tall, around 6’2” if I had to guess, with short chocolate brown hair.

He always wore a baseball cap, but I could still see the color of his hair sticking out from under his cap. And he had the most handsome face I’ve ever seen. Looks aren’t particularly important to me, but I couldn’t deny his perfect face.

It all started with a message on my social media account. I was instantly intrigued when his name displayed across the screen.

I’ve known him my entire life. He was someone I never spent any time with so I didn’t know much about him as a person. Yet we grew up together and I knew everything about his life.

His message was light and basic, but it sent a slight thrill throughout my body. I wasn’t sure why, but it did.

Over the next month, we messaged more and more. I was learning things about him I’ve never known before. He was digging into every aspect of my life, and I enjoyed telling him about the person I’ve become.

I kind of liked this man. But he wasn’t asking me out. So I had to shake it off. I had to actively tell myself that we were just catching up. I reminded myself over and over again.

The following month, our social media messages moved over to texts. Things felt different. Each and every day began with good morning texts and ended with sincere sweet dreams texts. We weren’t just two friends reconnecting anymore. We were getting closer. We were developing inside jokes. We were even making friendly future plans.

We were progressing along in the right direction.

Then after months of texting, he finally asked me out. He actually picked up the phone and called me. Total sweetness. We discussed, in detail, our upcoming date. It felt good in all the right places. We ended up talking on the phone for hours. I couldn’t get enough of all the sweetness that poured from his lips. I was into this guy. He was sweet and kind. He was funny and smart. He was even a fantastic listener. Swoon.

We continued our communication up until our date. A date that was nothing short of magical.

And then things got weird. But a “weird” I never experienced before. If I had to guess based on his words alone, he was falling in love. But his actions were telling me he was blowing me off.

After the date, he wooed me through a series of texts each and every day. This man was into me. More than anyone had been in some time. But when it came time to actually see me, he made excuses time and time again why all of a sudden he had to cancel.

I know the blow off; I’ve done it often.

So I walked away.

He talked his way back in.

We continued this dance for weeks. It was this cycle I couldn’t get out of.

His words didn’t match his actions. He was sending mixed signals, and I wasn’t sure which I should believe.

He said all the right words to pull me back in. He said all the right words to keep me there. I believed every goddamn word out of his mouth.

Yet he couldn’t deliver when it came time to show me he meant those words.

It’s easy to believe everything that someone says, especially when they are saying all the things you want to hear.

Whenever someone sends mixed signals, it shows three things:

>> They have some sort of disconnect with their thinking, which is reflected in their actions and words.

>> They have a hidden agenda.

>> They are stringing you along.

Now could life get in the way which may cause someone to send mixed signals unintentionally? Sure. But for the most part, if your entire relationship has been nothing but mixed signals, most likely it won’t ever change.

I used to think I needed to hear the words because words had so much meaning. I had berated past lovers for the missing words I so desperately needed to hear.

But the fact is, words have no meaning until they are backed up by action. Anyone can put words together to form a sentence. It’s rather easy. You can sit from the comfort of your home and send a few words to anyone. It only takes 2.5 seconds to send someone a text. But action…action takes effort. Action takes hours and even sometimes days. Action shows commitment. Action shows desire. Action shows dedication.

Action will always reveal someone’s true character when their words make you second-guess yourself.

When dealing with inconsistent people, it can be extremely challenging and also mentally f*cking draining. If people cannot respect you enough or be consistent in your life, you don’t need to stay.

It’s important to become aware of these types of people so you don’t question yourself based on someone’s actions. You know your worth and those people are not worthy of your time.

See someone’s mixed signals as sort of a red flag to warn you of your incompatibility with this person and walk away.

When you walk away, you’ll have more inner peace and be available for the kind of relationship you’ve always dreamed of with someone who matches their words with actions.


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