*Editor’s Note: Elephant Journal articles represent the personal views of the authors, and can not possibly reflect Elephant Journal as a whole. Disagree with an Op-Ed or opinion? We’re happy to share your experience here.

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I sat across from my client—let’s call her Emily—as she let out a frustrated sigh.

“I don’t get it,” she said. “I’m successful, I have my life together, I take care of myself financially…but when it comes to men, it’s like I’m doing something wrong.”

I smiled. “Because relationships don’t operate by the same rules as your career.”

As a therapist specializing in modern dating and relationships, I hear stories similar to Emily’s time and time again.

Modern feminist ideals of splitting the bill, the 50/50 mindset, the “If a man can do it, I can do it better” mentality, has shifted dating dynamics. Instead of complementing each other, men and women are now opponents. Social media is filled with “I don’t need a man,” “I can pay for myself,” and “I can take care of me” posts, which are all indictive of a society operating from a wounded rather than healed approach to dating and relationships. Pew Research (2020) found that more men than women feel “confused” or “concerned” about dating norms, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. At the same time, women report increasing dissatisfaction despite more gender equality than ever before.

So where have things gone wrong and why?

The world runs on polarity. We have night and day. The sun and moon. Rain and sunshine. Each is equally important, serving distinct roles. Most people recognize the yin-yang symbol. The white and black circle of energetic opposites. The yang (masculine) brings structure, stability, and direction. The yin (feminine) brings flow, surrender, and receptivity. As humans part of this larger system both energies exist and live within all of us. When men and women try to compete instead of collaborate, polarity and attraction break down, and relationships suffer.

We live in a masculine-driven world with hierarchical workplaces, competition, and “hustle” culture. Women are pushed to embody the energy of the masculine, leaving little room for the feminine qualities that foster connection: softness, peace, and emotional attunement, all which create and build intimacy and safety in a relationship. When there is an overflow of masculine energy within relationships, control, competition, and power struggles emerge.

The modern day successful woman makes a big mistake; she applies the rules of success she’s learned in the workplace to the world of dating. She leads every plan, refuses help, controls the pace, criticizes instead of appreciates, or insists on splitting everything equally. The result? Men feel confused and like they are not needed. Without space for their presence or leadership, they withdraw. Then women are left confused about why they can’t find the deep connections they crave.

To shift these energetic imbalances a healing approach to dating and relationships is needed. One where both men and women feel safe, appreciated, respected, and connected. For women, that means softening, surrendering, and trusting without losing your boundaries. Letting yourself receive from the masculine. Allowing space for men to show up and step up in planning dates, taking initiative to build the relationship, and actively pursue you.

For men, it means stepping into grounded leadership—not control—while honoring a woman’s needs and emotional safety. It means showing up with presence and intentionality in the relationship and guiding the direction of where it’s going.

This approach values polarity, and fosters attraction, not power struggles. It’s about the dance between giving and receiving. Healthy feminine power is about inspiring and influencing men, not competing with them. Healthy feminine power is influence without force, leadership through grace, and nurturing without self-abandonment. When a woman stands in her feminine essence, she naturally draws the masculine forward. She doesn’t need to push or force things into place. What’s meant for her will find her and what isn’t meant for her will naturally be repelled.

Let’s create a dating world where men and women are allies, not adversaries. Where men feel confident to lead and protect without being shamed for it. Where women feel safe to receive without fearing they’re “less than” or are required to give something in return. A world where equality doesn’t mean sameness, but where masculine and feminine hold equal value. Where men are honored for their strength and leadership, and women are cherished for their intuition and magnetic energy.

When we honor our differences as strengths, love becomes a partnership, not a battlefield.

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