Teenagers are like buried treasure, sometimes you have to dig deep to find the hidden treasure inside.
How would one define a teenager? Perhaps it is best to define what it is not.
A “teen” is neither a child nor an adult, although quite often they can be both at once. It is a transitional stage of development where growth and maturation occurs. It is a time of not only change concerning their minds, their thoughts, their dreams, their wishes, their likes, their dislikes, their tastes, but also a time of physical change with their bodies. It is a time when one goes through “puberty”, the process we call “sexual maturation.” It is a time when amidst all this change confusion sometimes occurs. Depending upon a person’s ability to adapt to change it can cause stress and depression one minute and joy and ecstasy, the next. Maybe, we should just call it the “rollercoaster” ride in the amusement park of life.
– Know who your teen’s friends are. Take an interest in who they are interested in. Remember their friend’s names. Make your home a “safe” place that is inviting and warm so that they will want to bring their friends over.
– Give them boundaries. Even though they may not tell you or show you they like it, they like it. Knowing in advance just what you can and can’t do will eliminate all sorts of problems. Clearly define the rules for dating, cell phone tracker, movie ratings, television viewing, appropriate dress, and other areas that might be cause for confusion.
– Get involved with your teen’s activities. Let your teen choose how they want to become involved in school and sports. Support them by volunteering at their school or with their teams, even if you don’t actually enjoy “underwater basket weaving” they certainly have a right to figure out if they do or not.
– Be a parent. Don’t dress like a teen, don’t act like a teen; don’t make stupid choices to be “their friend.” You are their parent, for heaven’s sake, act like it. Don’t be your childs bartender, besides being illegal, it simply is not “cool.”
– Help them understand that there is a difference between loving them and loving their choices. One will always remain the same while the other may change. Encourage and teach them to make correct choices.
– Become updated as to the conditions that surround them as they attend school and are among friends. Things have changed quite a bit since you have been in school. Educate yourself on the temptations that they daily face.
– Make time to have one-on-one experiences with your teen. Date nights are a great time to just spend some time together. Let your teen choose where they want to go. Don’t be embarrassed if they don’t want their friends to see you together, it is not personal.
– Let your teen use you as an excuse if they need an excuse. Sometimes they are just waiting for you to say “no” so that they don’t have to be in a situation they might be uncomfortable in. Be the “bad guy”, you have “big shoulders” and you can take it.
– Don’t “bail them out” of bad decisions or choices that they may have made. Help them learn to make good choices by allowing them to suffer the consequences of their actions. When they become adults the consequences will be much harsher, so let them learn now.
– Monitor their cell phone and computer time. Beware of dangerous social networking sites, check them out first yourself. Teach them appropriate cell phone manners.
– Keep a good sense of humor on hand and smile often.
– If you have considered this to be the time to get that job out of the home, rethink that idea. Now is the time that you need to be available for when they want to talk. Be a good listener, offer advice only when they ask. Resist that temptation to solve all their problems for them, this is a critical thinking skill they need to develop.
– Teach them the value of money. Help them to find a job and teach them to follow a budget. This will be a life skill they will thank you for forever. Working is one of best ways to develop self worth. Help them understand that the luxuries you enjoy took a long time to receive; they shouldn’t expect to have them immediately.
– Hug them every day. Try to come up with at least three positive things each day about your teen and let them know you see them, be sincere, they can spot a faker a mile a way. Never belittle or berate their worth. Help them understand that they are important and loved. You are never too old to get a hug.
– Be a teacher not a lecturer. A teacher helps the student to participate in the learning experience, while the lecturer is merely a “talking head.”
– Pray for your teen and with your teen. Things can be expressed in prayer that can be said in no other way. Let’s face it, we can use all the help we can get.
– Develop better patience. Close your eyes and count to ten before you act. Act and don’t react to situations. Do not loose your temper or your self control. Be an example of total coolness, it actually bugs them more sometimes!
– Most importantly, in this changing world of theirs, be the consistency they need. Whatever you decide be consistent!
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