Beyond the needs.

Ever been with a person who is always needy and demanding for all of your attention and being clingy? It could be a friend, relative, girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse for that matter. How does it feel when they do that? Contracted and suffocated? Then come along me on this article.

Now think about the times you have been that? A needy person. It doesn’t necessarily have to be with another person and could be with something that is not living, even work.

Need to get this work done.
Need to meet the deadlines.
Need for this to happen so everything falls in place. Just thinking about it makes me feel heavy. Let me tell about a time when I was functioning from need.

It had only been a few days since I had made my blog and written something for it. Only a few days and I was already feeling stressed with what to write about it. Aren’t we humans just so cute?

It wasn’t like I was waiting for the right moment or anything but I wasn’t feeling satisfied with any written piece I came up with. I always found spark lacking which made me a little less enthusiastic about writing like I had been in the beginning.

Then one day I finally got what it was all about.

The thing was that I had written a few of my posts out of the “need” of writing, out of the need that I had to post something, with a secretive agenda of giving something to read to the readers of my blog. I used to pressurise myself into thinking about something and then write it down just so I could put something out there. And in my defence I was doing that to keep my readers happy.

But what I didn’t realise was that the readers didn’t want to read something that I just wrote for the sake of writing, they actually desired for a real insight and a story. This small piece of awareness made me wonder and look at all the areas in my life where I had been functioning from the lack of something, with the “need point of view”.

What is the “need point of view”?
As the name suggests, it’s when we function from the need of having something. How many times have we asked for something but with terms and needs attached to it? For instance money, for how long have we needed money? Dain Heer, one of my favourite authors often says we need something when we lack it. When we ask for something with the point of view of need attached to it, we are actualising it in our reality that we lack it. Little tricky thing isn’t it? Allow me to make it a little simple to understand.

Let me share one of the biggest needs I used to have in my life. It was the need for nice friends, believe me, it isn’t as sad as it sounds. I chose a few things in my life that changed me dynamically as a person according to people around me and boy am I grateful for that!

But let me tell a little secret, it wasn’t that I changed, rather I got to the point where I was being me, and they didn’t know this me because I was never myself around them. I always diminished me to this size which I wouldn’t even want to imagine being now just so I could fit with them, fit into their reality. Whenever I used to be around my friends I always chose mediocrity, to not go beyond the limit. I think we all have done that at some point. Isn’t it? Diminished ourselves so we could fit in this reality and please people around us?

They didn’t like my being me. You know those times when we crack a joke and people have the most pathetic sense of humour and don’t even crack a smile as if it’s going to cost them? That’s how I started feeling in my friendships. Me being all happy and my friends being all weirded out.
Now, the not so surprising part of the story is that I started losing all my friends slowly and steadily and while that was happening I realised that they were not really my friends and were more interested in mind tricks and competition with me.

There was literally this phase where I did not have a single friend to sit with during lunch time and while I didn’t mind being alone, there were times when it felt lonely. I am a 17 year old at the end of the day.
And during this phase my desperate need for friends went full hiking. The main “agenda” of my reality at that time became to make friends. Although I used to ask questions like what would it take for contributive people or friends to show up in my life, I never saw that I was asking from the need of it. I wasn’t willing to have anything and everything, with no point of views attached.

And on a chilly night while taking a walk by the beach I looked up at the sky and just chose to let go of all the need and lack of friends and have fun with what I had, which was me time. Okay, the scenario might have happened without the chilly night and beach walk but it did happen!

And Guess what?

I met two of my closest and coolest friends after that who had no expectation or agenda related to me. Two hilarious beings. And talk about them being a contribution to me, never judged me once and I could be myself around them for every second. Then came two of my friends who had disconnected with me since they realised it wasn’t about who I used to be but about what I really as being was.

Wow! Giving up the need was like a invitation to greater possibilities. Would we all like that? A life without needs? How would that look like?

Acknowledge & Surrender.

Acknowledge all the areas in your life where you have been functioning from need. Look at all the places where you asked for something with need attached to it. What if you didn’t have the need of anything?
I would love for you to make a list of 10 areas or things in your life where you have been asking for something out of need. I know it is a huge task for you to make this list if you are anything like me, but I would love if you could do it, even if it’s for just this one time.

And then for each of them ask what need am I choosing in this situation? What can I do to change it? And if there are no answers to questions, that’s even cooler. That is exactly what is required. Because lets be honest, answers limit possibilities.
What needs are we functioning from that keeps us from being ourselves in totality? How much time and energy are we using to make our needs vital?.

Last but not the least, HAVE FUN, lots and lots of it, too much of it. Beyond what everyone thinks is appropriate for this reality. Have so much fun that makes people around you wonder why are they not having as much fun as you!

I know it sounds hard, to not have needs and have fun. But trust it isn’t, try it out for a change

Ask everyday – How Much Fun Can I Have Today?

 

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