…But not today—definitely not today.
Today, we work to build a life that sustains us in a way we didn’t think possible this incarnation.
Let’s make a life that we feel proud of.
A life we choose to live in full consciousness, one with purpose, and joy, and ease, and grace.
I want to build a life with you that knows no bounds.
A life in which we feel no need to run or hide from uncertainty.
Let’s embrace the not knowing—for we know nothing.
Let’s build a life where your children can grow and know that they are integral to our bliss.
Let’s carve a life that takes us to the places we see in our dreams.
Oh, and darling, I want us to embrace the dark bits too, please.
Let’s lean into the abyss and figure out—together—how to lean back.
Let us navigate this journey slow and steady, one step at a time.
But wait, even that’s too fast.
Can’t we just do it like this? One breath at a time? If only for a moment…
That is how conscious I need us to be, if we’re to ever do this—this silly, distant thing of calling the other, mine.
So remember, I am yours, and will be yours truly, only as long as you know that you cannot control, possess, or suppress me.
You can admire me, from a distance, because the more you look my way, the brighter I shine for you, my darling.
I am my own, and will always be true to myself, first and foremost.
Can you handle that?
I hope you wouldn’t have it any other way.
I would rather us spar and circumnavigate our souls at length into infinity before we leap into something simply because we’re scared of losing “us.”
Scared that this could all just disappear into the ether if we don’t act accordingly, right now, in some strange way.
Scared that if everything suddenly fades into nothing, all that would be left are shredded empty shells of shattered hearts no longer pumping blood. Um…nah.
Who wants old, dusty bones and rust and faded memories made to remind us that we failed again?
Oh no, my darling. Not again. Not now. Not ever. Not before forever.
And I know that it’s been rough for you. I feel you.
I know that life was not a cakewalk or a moonwalk or even a catwalk for you, despite you doing your best—and despite how fabulous you look in heels.
I know that your heart was torn apart again and again, and that your mind played tricks on you when all you could do was grasp at straws to keep it all under control.
I know that I can look you in the eyes and see the hurt you’ve buried deep inside.
But you wear that hurt so well, my love, my beating heart.
My darling, how much of this dream is possible without you?
None of it. Not one bit; none at all.
So yes, perhaps one day I’ll marry you.
I wouldn’t mind. Not one bit. Not at all.
Author: Valerie Orlik
Editor: Nicole Cameron
Browse Front PageShare Your Idea
Read Elephant’s Best Articles of the Week here.
Readers voted with your hearts, comments, views, and shares:
Click here to see which Writers & Issues Won.
Hi Valerie! Very thought-provoking–and poetically expressed. I have been thinking on similar wavelengths lately. I don’t think marriage should be our “default.” ~Alex
(p.s. Nice to emeet you! I’m an elephanter, as well!)
Hey Alex! Thank you 🙂 Full disclosure, I wrote this after I stumbled across *this* beautifully written piece https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/05/will-you-marry-me-one-day/ by Andy Charrington. I do not see myself as the marrying kind (whatever that means) — what matters most, to me anyway, is choosing a partner that shows up for you. Day after day, no matter who, no matter what, when it is oh so inconvenient, no matter how broke or how broken, they see you and they still choose you. With marriage, staying “in it” sometimes becomes more of an obligation than a choice. These days, I’m weary of the institution on all fronts. And who knows… maybe one day… but not today. Definitely not today. 🙂