10 Signs You’re a Yoga Narcissist.

Via on Sep 20, 2010

10 Signs You’re a Yoga Narcissist

1)  You make $40 a week teaching yoga, but you spend $100 a week on tattoos.

2) You wear your Miu Miu sunglasses during class citing “light sensitivity.”

3)  Your pre-class routine includes professional hair and make-up.

4)  You arrive at class extra early to get that special place in the corner where the front mirrors and side mirrors join together.

5)  You decide to take a fellow yoga teacher’s class, but as soon as it starts, you ignore the teacher’s instructions and do your own vinyasa flow.

6)  You update your Facebook profile with a picture you just took of yourself in peacock pose.

7)  You have more yoga accessories than Diana Ross.

8)  Your shower routine is north of 40 minutes.

9)  You probably think this piece is about you. Don’t you? Don’t you?

10)  When class is over, you “walk” to your car in a handstand.

About Mark Kreloff

Mark Kreloff is an entrepreneur in Boulder, Colorado. He started his yoga practice 10 years ago with a “donation only” class in Santa Monica taught by Bryan Kest. To this day, it was the best class he has ever taken in his life.

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25 Responses to “10 Signs You’re a Yoga Narcissist.”

  1. HA – these are priceless :D I don't think I've ever been in class with anyone like this, but I probably just jinxed myself.

  2. hot mamma says:

    I love this, but if it were about me… you would have put something about how I wear Chanel tweed yoga pants and carry my mat in my "prada" mat bag…

  3. Natalie Jobling says:

    Can you add $140 mala beads up and down each arm?

  4. Elizabeth says:

    11. When bored, you stand in front of the mirror, remove your clothes, and pose like the yoginis in the ToeSox ads, thinking, "I could have modeled those."

    12. You develop a certain "reputation," based on your degree of bendiness, and do nothing to counter the outrageous rumors from awestruck or envious peers.

    13. You name your matching tiny Chihuahuas "Urdhva" and "Adho."

    14. You are often complimented by hip-hop fans who mistake the giant, shiny OM pendant around your neck for a symbol of some foreign currency.

    15. You dream of starting "(fill in your name here) Yoga" as soon as you find a publicist, agent, and decent make-up artist.

  5. Hilary Lindsay says:

    This is why there is a shirt that says "Fuck Yoga". Thanks for amusing us with your many observations,Mark. It cleanses my brain just to know you're watching and not taking any prisoners. Larry David would not be a rich man if he didn't notice that horrible things are funny.

  6. ARCreated says:

    You decide to take a fellow yoga teacher’s class, but as soon as it starts, you ignore the teacher’s instructions and do your own vinyasa flow. HAHAHAHA :) OK man, guilty as charged on one count…but for me it's because I have so many injuries I have to modify LOL
    13. You name your matching tiny Chihuahuas "Urdhva" and "Adho." ROFLMAO!!!! Thank goodness I named my chihuahua mix Asimov :)

    You guys crack me up!

  7. You made some good points there. I did a search on the topic and found most people will agree with your blog.

  8. candicegarrett says:

    Love #9! My favorite song!

  9. yogacist says:

    i really wanted to share this on my facebook… but realized just how many of my 'friends' have yoga poses as their profile photos!! i've already informed my friends that if i ever post a pose as a profile photo that they have permission to smack me in my third eye (hard).

  10. Andrea Balt Andrea B. says:

    Hahaha, this is hillarious. I can totally see myself in point 3 :) Thanks for the laugh.

  11. Emily Perry Emily Perry says:

    brilliant! all of you!

  12. faye says:

    wow, your depiction of yoga culture back home scares me a bit for when i eventually return – i've been attending classes here in western germany and my fellow yogi-doers are just practical and come as they are – in baggy clothing and all. they are absolutely 'normal' and 'average' looking. although, i guess, somewhere in the middle would be nice…i know, silly right? looking good (without overdoing it) without the attitude – is that possible?

  13. yoga bear says:

    BRILLIANT! REALLY? ACTING!

  14. adventurousandrea says:

    Hehehehe the last one really made me laugh!

  15. MJRydsFast says:

    16. You cried when Lululemon pulled their "sheer" pants from the market.
    17. You remove platform stripper heels as you take your place on your mat.
    18. You make certain the flat iron is working properly before class the next morning. And you're a guy.
    19. You rejoiced when you found the Lululemon sheer pants at a remote outlet store and purchased a pair in each color.
    20. You tell your predominantly female classmates you're good at "wounded warrior" because of your time in Afghanistan.
    21. Your drive to be perfect in even superficial ways forbids you from releasing "toxins", despite your facial expressions.
    22. You named your baby boy Vincent Yassa. And you're not Italian. Nor Asian.
    23. You make it a point to ask the person behind you if you have a nice Asanas.
    24. You mistake your classmate's Ujjayi breaths for attraction to you.
    25. You think Savasana is your way of telling the rest of the class "you're available".

  16. Amused ... SOMEWHAT! says:

    26. You hijack an author's article because face it, you think you can do it better.

  17. yogame says:

    This was just a chance to post hot women ( sports illustrated style) in yoga poses… totally guy stuff… hey I can do that… easy poses…

  18. antonin says:

    porntrepeneur

  19. MoxieBee says:

    Where are the pix of the dudes?

  20. widi says:

    U Yoga is good, I hope some u student came to asoka- restaurant bali to do yoga here together widi the treveler of peace thank

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