10 Awesome Things to briefly love in College before you Sell Out to the Man.

Via on Dec 8, 2010

elephant guide: Top 10 People & Things You Should Pretend to Love in your College Years in your Liberal Phase.

10. Ani DiFranco or somesuch rebel lefty feminist/African-American musical artist. (Starting easy, with an all-time classic alt artist to looove in your young, idealistic years before you sell out).

9. Amy Goodman, Howard Zinn, Noam Chomasky and ultra-leftwing, crazy causes like Climate Change, Fracking and other things you’ll stop giving a damn about the second they conflict with your earning potential  (Bonus points: stop showering, get that I-don’t-care hair look. Double Bonus points: dreads)

8. Converse All-Stars (they may be corporate-owned, but there’s no easier way to pretend you’re alt than buying a pair at your “local” Target…except…)

7. …Toms (gorgeous yet cheaply made (in the Third World) shoes that, when you buy them, automatically donate a cheaper version to children in…the Third World. Great conversation ice-breakers. (Unrelated bonus points: if you’re a girl, cut your hair really short. If you’re a guy, grow it really long).


6. Knitting Circle (boys get extra points for joining). Don’t do at someone’s home, where folks won’t see you—do at a local café. (Subtract points: needlepointing.)

5. Pot. Buying the Marley poster freshman year isn’t enough. Hang in front of your local dispensary. If your city is still ass-backwards and illegalizes smoking something safer than drinking alcohol, you can still buy some clothes that lets folks know you smoke and listen to hip hop on fancy headphones you bought at Urban Outfitters (Bonus points: learn your hip hop from Pandora). Double Bonus points: Mushrooms, and know what (pure) MDMA stands for. BonusBonusBonus points: go vegan for a little while, talk forever about how you used to be vegan for a little while but realized you really need meat for your health ’cause you do this a lot).


4. Bisexuality (experiment a little, talk about your limited experience a lot). (Unrelated bonus points: get realllly into a decade twenty to forty years previous).

3. Anal Sex, Orgies, Group Sex (Loosely-related bonus points: build a teepee in your backyard).

2. Buy a Puppy (buy it here, then get frustrated without even bothering to watch Dog Whisperer and the dog mysteriously goes away after it’s no longer cute)

1. Live the Life. Go to at least two music festivals a year not including Burning Man. Go to at least 52 shows a year. Work at a café. Live poor, but secretly you’re a daddy and mommy-negotiating trustafarian. (Bonus points: get into some kind of Eastern religion. Doesn’t matter which one. Yoga counts, but only if you get an om tattoo. Piercings count).

About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now elephantjournal.com & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | facebook.com/elephantjournal | twitter.com/elephantjournal | facebook.com/waylonhlewis | twitter.com/waylonlewis | Google+ For more: publisherelephantjournalcom

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32 Responses to “10 Awesome Things to briefly love in College before you Sell Out to the Man.”

  1. Alden Wicker Alden says:

    Is that true about the Toms? ….damnit

  2. Angelina says:

    This is hilarious….and I've seen it happen sooooo many times…and the majority do turn into republicans! LOL

  3. Blake Wilson Blake says:

    Ahahahahaha! This is my kind of post!

  4. Joe Mohr says:

    Hilarious!

  5. Alex Hanifin says:

    I think I should go back to collage.

  6. Colin Wiseman Colin Wiseman says:

    I miss my long hair, I own 3 pairs of converse, I have never wanted to experiment with Bisexuality – find it a bit greedy…kidding – the rest am not sure about.

    Thanks for making me smile!

  7. candicegarrett says:

    my 9 year old boy knits :)

    And as a once-upon-a-time So Cal girl, I literally snorted when I read #1.

  8. Angelo says:

    I detect a condescending, sarcastic tone. Don't be bitter, Waylon, because your young, cool days are behind you. If you HAD "cool days". P.S. you're not even funny!

  9. Emma Blue Erma says:

    You hit the nail on the head with this one! Done, done and done!

    Been there, done that, don't remember!

  10. [...] heatedly discussing the implications of International Criminal Tribunals in the developing world. Wide-eyed college liberals grappling for a chance to understand the greater universe and all its injustices, we sat cloaked [...]

  11. Matt says:

    Were you having a bad day?

    • elephantjournal says:

      Humor! Making fun of ourselves is always healthy. Spirituality and do-gooderism without an ability to make fun of ourselves (particularly when we're such easy targets, and I wrote this pre-Portlandia, imagine!) is hollow, faddish stuff. I'm in to the real thing. You?

  12. elizabeth says:

    Totally got an Om tattoo in college but 2 years out and I still do yoga everyday. some of us never grow up….

  13. Vision_Quest2 says:

    Blog reads like it was written by YogaforCynics.
    I hope you take that as a compliment—it was meant as such …

  14. Andrea says:

    I'm going back to school, this time grad school, at age 30. I have been so worried about studying again, student life, zero income, etc… This inspires me to embrace a few things, particularly Ani, I loved her in college!!! YES! Thanks for the laugh!

  15. Naomi says:

    I enjoyed this article immensely…you have to have a sense of humour about the different stages you go through in life…it reminds me a little of being part of the yoga community in Hong Kong and that you can always be an individual as long as you are part of a group…most faddish choices seem to be about belonging and being seen to belong….there are definitely some important issues mentioned though and it does become a shame when they are overshadowed by elitist behavior stemming from certain group mentalities…

  16. Chris Lemig Chris Lemig says:

    For a minute I thought you were talking about me. Oh shit. You were…

  17. West Anson says:

    How does the saying go?

    “If you are a Republican before you turn 30, you have no heart. If you are a Democrat after you turn 30, you have no brains.”

    My cousin in her 20s, who is extremely liberal, recently got an actual job earning a paycheck and paying taxes recently said “I can’t believe all of this money being taken out of my check!”. My response to her was “Who do you think pays for all the stuff you think the Government should give away?”

    With that said, I can’t imagine why more people are not Libertarians?

  18. Kim says:

    Some of these are really funny. Some of them are outdated. Some are kind of dumb, like saying that caring about the environment and fellow humans is a 'crazy cause'. Come on, EJ, is this really a message you support?

    I usually love and connect to most of your writing, Waylon. I guess I'm just not a big fan of making fun of others for my own amusement. I did not realize you were so jaded. It's o.k. though, to each his own.

    • Matt says:

      I feel like he was also making fun of himself, not just mocking others…

      • Kim says:

        Yeah, I think you're right.
        Really the only thing that rubbed me the wrong way was #9. It bothers me when caring for our planet, fellow humans, and future generations is written off as being misguided, even in a joking way, because it degrades the importance of the issue.
        It was not kind of me to call him jaded. Maybe he is, but that is not for me to say.

    • West Anson says:

      If Waylon is over 30, he probably is jaded and cynical. It is the common progression of humans to be passionate for causes, wide-eyed, and optimistic when they are younger. 30 is just a number, but that is usually when people have had enough life experiences to become jaded, pessimistic, & cynical. It also happens to be the time when we are earning more money and establishing a family and home, therefor we view the world quite differently through a different prism.

  19. debra says:

    Hilarious, I still confuse people with my stance.
    short hair, converse. Love my gay fellas.
    vegatarian, and do Yoga as a religion.>>
    JUST DON"T TOUCH MY MONEY!!
    Work like a dog, and proud of it!
    and I think I am starting over as a Libertarian..

  20. Nancy says:

    I laughed. A lot. Hate Toms and Converse. Just cause they are so hip. Hey, but then I am a 52 yo midwife/CSA operator. I feel a bit jaded, have seen my share of trustafarians while living/schooling in Maine, home of my ancestors. My unschooled family is such an oddity in rural KS… My 15 yo son runs his own bread bakery. The three still at home are all 4-H members, showing dairy goats, sheep and chickens. We make cheese and soap. We are so liberal we scare the fool out of our neighbors, but, being nice people of Norweigian descent, they forgive. Strangers in a strange land. I was raised a Virginia Republican, but have been a registered Dem since voting age. You just do the best you can. We have a group of like-minded souls who have Friday night yoga then potluck (aka party with bonfire and darts). You are most welcome Waylon.

  21. Nancy says:

    I too love Ani DiFranco. What’s with the time-warp?

  22. elephantjournal says:

    Well, I still love Ani DiFranco and Toms, so there we go. ~ Waylon

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