All I Really Need is a Good F**k & Someone to Pick Me Up at the Airport.

Via on Mar 24, 2011

I’m single for the first time in 25 years.

Bonus: The Best Marriage Advice from a Divorced Man.

I now see that most of the things I wanted from my relationships are actually things I can do for myself. After my divorce two years ago, I panicked at the idea of setting up my own Wi-fi system, cleaning the gutters, and finding help moving furniture.

The truth is that doing these things, or getting help doing them, has been easy.

Even hiring a handyman to fix the occasional faucet leak has been far less expensive than staying in my tragically outworn relationships. Single for the first time since I was seventeen, I suddenly realize that I need just two things from a partner: a slow, deeply connected, open-hearted, rapturous f*ck, and someone to pick me up at the airport.

Of course when my plane arrives I could catch a bus—or even hire a car service if it’s that important to me (and for some reason it is). But in this one case I love to be met by someone who is genuinely ecstatic to see me. It’s really the same thing as the f*ck. I can do it myself, and that’s fine and all. But there is something about being done”by the apple of your eye that’s, well, different.

Accepting that there are only two things I am missing by being alone takes the pressure off of getting into another relationship. I can make the money that I want, I can set up my own Wi-fi (as it turns out), I can get deeply restorative massages from people who actually want to give them, and I can dine and dance with friends who don’t stand me up 50% of the time. Realizing that I am pretty self-sufficient even softens the blow of losing my last rapturous relationship. In fact, it makes me take another hard look at why I stayed so long through the rollercoaster of ups and downs.

And there were a lot of downs.

Don’t get me wrong; the sex and airport pickups were often so good that every other problem paled in comparison. That was why it was so hard to leave, actually. But now, in the light of day, I realize that missing these two things is surprisingly manageable—and more than worth what I had to give up to get them. In fact, I haven’t lost the love of my life; I am not lonely; and I am certainly not abandoned without resources. Actually, it’s just the opposite. I have gained everything that I lost by being in relationship.

So as I imagine my next rapturous rendezvous, I realize that it could be quite different. It could be free of a lot of baggage—free of being a reference point for my sense of self and security, my fulfillment, and my whole future. I now envision a relationship in which I look deeply into my beloved’s eyes and say sincerely, “Dearest, I adore you, and I don’t need anything from you. Except two things…”

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About Kristin Luce

Kristin Luce is slowly going sane by using her actual life and relationships to wake up. Her quest for truth has led her through a B.A. in Philosophy, an M.A. in Buddhist Psychology, intensive retreat practice, certification as a Meditation Instructor, two life-changing relationships and two life-changing kids. She now provides in-depth coaching for individuals and couples who want profound and dramatic transformation. An avid writer, she has been featured in such publications as Mothering Magazine and The Buddhadharma, and is a regular contributor to elephant journal. Friend her on Facebook, Twitter, her website or contact her at info@kristinluce.com.

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115 Responses to “All I Really Need is a Good F**k & Someone to Pick Me Up at the Airport.”

  1. Wendy says:

    Love this :)

  2. cliffnebraska says:

    I think I'm going to get my girlfriend to get your article's title tattooed on her shoulder or something. just kidding. great article, great title.

  3. Antoinette says:

    Fantastic read. I love the authenticity. Thanks!

  4. Rebecca says:

    I hear you… What a great post. Love.

  5. Judith says:

    Glad you are exploring your self-reliance, after so many years of relying on the "dream" – also appreciate how much you grew and gained from the experience, and how you are framing this "after relationship over-attachment" in such a positive, true way.

  6. Christine says:

    well with a title like that, how can you not love THAT!

  7. Peter says:

    Love it Kirstin! Keep it, er, coming

  8. Robert says:

    Yes…Amen…Kristin to this current article as I hear u deeply, what ur sharing about in this mythology…

  9. Ben says:

    It was very good and funny :)

  10. Brian says:

    Love it! It brought a huge smile!

  11. Doug says:

    In a few short paragraphs, you summed up what I love about being single!

  12. Paul says:

    I liked the article and loved how
    Provocative a title you picked.
    I look forward to more.

  13. Lauri says:

    love it!

  14. Michael says:

    awesome title, great writing, and beautiful message

  15. Lea says:

    That's funny, and bravely honest, Kristin

  16. Jered says:

    Damn Kristin… remind me why we don't live in the same town again? ;)
    Best of luck getting what you need… my guess is it'll be as easy as finding the handyman to fix your leak. ;)

  17. Bethany says:

    best title ever!

  18. Cheryl says:

    Love it!

  19. Albert says:

    Well, if you tell me where you live, I can start by picking you up at the airport…

  20. ValerieMitchell says:

    loved loved loved loved!!!!

  21. Kimberly says:

    Finally someone knows how I feel…

  22. Heather says:

    LOVE this article!
    After a recent breakup with is exactly what I've been feeling!

  23. Chinadoll says:

    Wow…after just getting out of a twenty year bad marriage, you put my exact thoughts to words! So nice to know it's not just me.

  24. Priscilla Wood says:

    Love this, very true, I can relate to this article on many levels.

  25. Melissa says:

    Loved this article! thanks for making me chuckle…

  26. LotusMama says:

    Absolutely what I needed to read tonight. Thank you.

  27. Ha! Love, love, love it. And can so relate. Beautifully written. Thank you!

  28. Valerie says:

    This reads like you cut a chunk out of your journal. Give us context, share your experience – it's much more valuable than the conclusions you drew from it. And, really? Fucking and rides are easy enough to come by. How about waking next to the person you love and seeing the world with him? Don't you miss caring about and for someone and knowing he does the same? Wonder why your relationship lasted as long as it did.

    • KristinSLuce says:

      The piece is a bit tongue-in-cheek. Yes, I care deeply about walking with anther and knowing him, and him knowing me. I have a link to "being done" in the article, a chapter from *Passionate Marriage* which I highly recommend, that speaks to this. I know that this piece is "small,' but my feelings, like it seems yours are, are not. Thank you.

  29. Nadine McNeil Nadine says:

    FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! This made my burst out laughing on a day that I soo needed it….I loved how you put it all into perspective without the drama….I have a similar saying for when I'm experiencing an especially stressful time….You've named 1 of 3. You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. China Royale says:

    Amen to that Sister!!! It really is so nice to know that there is somebody out there having the same very thoughts!!! I hope I have just worked out 20 years of Karma and finally getting off the love roller coaster maybe boarding the love boat and having good weather. Hilarious, my computer crashed and I got it fixed and wondered "that wasn't so hard".
    However, I was clear on what I had wanted and those were the only two things…I hadn't accounted for the other person wanting more and the more was "my energy".
    However, I do caution…be careful what you wish for…you just might get it.

  31. threedegreescelsius says:

    Get out of my head! Wow. This describes EXACTLY how I feel right now after moving away from a partner of four years. It's so very scary at the beginning and then, poof, everything is okay. But I still would really love for someone to pick me up at the airport. That airport parking gets SO expensive.

  32. Suzanne Jones sue says:

    you literally took the words RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH! I love you <3 <3 <3

  33. Daniel Tanzo says:

    Beautiful very nice take on the desire for other to the possible forgetting of self .Had a couple of those in my life and they wind up resentful and adversarial, when the inevitable reclaiming of myself and dignity eventually reared

  34. Monique says:

    Awesome-ness:)

  35. Brooke says:

    This is sooooo awesome!!!! I love it!

  36. Kimberly Johnson kajyoga says:

    Love this, and can totally relate. I don't want to complete anyone or be completed. I want mature companionship not based
    on past wounds or things I can really do for myself. Love your writing!

  37. Andja says:

    bless your sense of humor… made me giggle in the same way my life song does ("I can see clearly now the rain has gone")

  38. Nathalie says:

    You are, well how shall I put it….um….a FUCKING ROCKSTAR!

    Great post.

  39. Jeannette says:

    I love being single and enjoying the world & people so much more now. Only thing I could use is a handyman though I’m finding I can twist a mean screwdriver. Love your article.

    Happy single girls rock!

  40. [...] single, thirty-something, relatively self-actualized and at the center of my universe right now are my [...]

  41. danka says:

    the title made my day! the article is quite refreshing :) nice one Kristin!

  42. Eric says:

    yes, I gave her good fvck and the pickup at the airport (and much much more); she wanted to be tops in her field and make LOTS of money. Asian Bubble: 90's–she went to Hong Kong & made a killing with something called "derivatives" and came back to the States a multi-millionaire, VP of Global Equity for a major investment bank, and owning a Manhattan penthouse. out of the blue, I got an email from her in 2008 when the financial crisis hit, of course she wasn't affected, but much to my surprise, she was pregnant and married to a "sweet, goofy" guy.

    once she said I was "sweet" & "goofy" too, but she didn't believe that all I ever wanted–heart and soul–was just to be with her. how much I adored her humor and her intellect. cooking with her. the smell of her hair. she adamantly declared she'd never get married or have any kids. I wasn't her "Mr. Right" (perhaps just her "Mr. Right Now"), she simply did not want to be emotionally dependent on ANY man–her career was too important–and I respected that, even though it hurt.

    but I guess she mellowed.
    thanks for reminding me that emotional needs change and we need to be responsive to that…awareness is all and impermanence is the nature of all things. blessed be.

    • Todd says:

      So beautifully said. I have a friend who has never married and one day was telling all the things she missed from having a husband. Her list read like a to-do list for a handyman. Not one mention of intimacy, love, or companionship. I would like to think this author’s comments were a bit more tongue-in-cheek than my friend’s. But, sadly, I don’t think my friend is terribly unique.

      • Todd says:

        Sorry, Eric…my reply was meant for devamunay, the next message. Darn little smartphones…darn big fat fingers.

  43. devamunay says:

    Wow, I feel sorry for you, the author and the person/people that feel that all they really need is a good F*** and someone to pick them up from the airport. You all are missing the essence of love and companionship. Of having a strong father for her children. If a man had written this article stating all he needed from women was a good F*** and someone to pick him up from the airport I would have been totally offended.

    Why are we so afraid to say we need each other? That we need love and deep intimacy? That we need someone to laugh at our jokes, to share in the trials and tribulations of life? Someone to reflect back our character and to challenge us to be the best we can be?

    To have a companion on the journey to liberation is a sacred gift; recognizing that nobody can free us, but that we can make a commitment to help one another along the way. For the way we love ourselves and each other will truly change the world.

    I’m sorry you have missed out in your 25 years of relationship to not find a greater depth in your partners or perhaps in yourself. We are all in it together and the more we can share in radical honesty, the better off life will be.

    I am tired of the ruthless independence and go it alone attitude of so many Americans.

    Love is what you make it and love is everywhere.

    Posted from high up in the Cordillera Blancas of Peru.

  44. Tea says:

    Brilliant,simple,true,it resonates for me

  45. Alex says:

    Wonderfully done.! Thanks for sharing.!! :)

  46. Sue says:

    Very funny! That intellectual ephipany that sort of bursts into one’s consciousness after the end of a long rationship cannot be described—except by you. Great article! Keep ‘em coming !

  47. Heather Grimes says:

    Really enjoying your writing and your images, Kristin. Keep it coming!

  48. Anne says:

    Sistah!

  49. NilsMontan says:

    I will pick you up at the airport anytime.

  50. [...] afternoon at the farmer’s market with Cute Boy than with my Friend Sue. Sue may be funnier, but there’s a chance Cute Boy and I can get it on. Or if that example doesn’t speak to you, a lot of [...]

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