The Best Marriage Advice from a Divorced Man.

Via on Aug 27, 2013

~~LoVe nEvEr SToPs~~

But first! Funny-not-funny:

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

20 Tips for a Healthy Marriage that will Last.

Bonus: 20 Things to Start Doing in our Relationships Now.

“If we make the conscious decision to daily place our spouse’s desires and needs above our own, and that’s reciprocated, the marriage will succeed. Utter and complete selflessness. Isn’t this true in all healthy relationships?”

My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.

This article comes via James Russell Lingerfelt’s Blog.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had:

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. Never ever take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would own her heart and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. She chose you. Never forget that, and never get lazy in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. She doesn’t have to stay with you, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her. Your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she can’t make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of you. They are your emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of you that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them. When you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to…

Click here to read the rest.

And read a Woman’s Response.

~

Relephant:

Why Everyone Should Get Divorced Before Marriage.

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About Lindsey Block

Lindsey Block loves a good picnic, bottle glass of wine and a new recipe. She likes to do all the cliché things: sing in the shower, dance in her underwear in the living room—which her dog doesn't approve of, yet—and take long walks on the beach. She's currently struggling with misanthropy, but working on it every day—although it's hard living in California.

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12 Responses to “The Best Marriage Advice from a Divorced Man.”

  1. ?..........? says:

    “He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”

    ― Bob Marley

  2. Sara Young sara says:

    Very nice. What a wonderful place to be after a loss. Good for you.

  3. Karen says:

    beautiful thoughts….

  4. Amy says:

    Very nice article, however I believe both men AND women should offer all of these up to their partner. Man, woman, whatever… if you love someone, you will do for them, as they do for you. Article is too one sided. As a woman, I would return these things to my husband.

    • scout4282001 says:

      I have had one 23 year marriage. He nailed it! Men and women are different in many ways. It's been 100% my experience that a women wants a strong man.

  5. Harry Dog says:

    And if she becomes something you didn't anticipate or care for, like a hundred and sixty pound couch potato, who nags and whines when she isn't able to manipulate you into serving her interests over your own, love her anyways… just because. I think I'm going to run to the toilet and vomit.

    • Just a lady. says:

      One hundred and sixty? Oh my Goodness! Unless she is 5' 6" or under, that is not an unacceptable weight. The couch potato part… not acceptable. So, ask her out, take her on a walk, get active with her! I'm wondering if you are the strong man (as in the article) that has attended to her as his woman? Are you in perfect health? …perfect shape?

  6. PNWAudiophile says:

    LOVE it. Made me remember this, too. http://www.danoah.com/2012/10/16-ways-i-blew-my-m

  7. Justdivorce says:

    Some good advice there and most could be followed by both men and women. Marriage is not easy, but neither is divorce.

  8. Richard says:

    Firstly, disclaimer of humility: life is weird and I there is more that goes into a marriage than can be reckoned. However, I think the article is hung up on marriage as romance, and that energy cannot sustain a relationship, and is ultimately the reason why a great many marriages pass away. The answer is more about duty and being fully known (as opposed to courting) than the sugar of romance. Not much language for that in our culture without getting written off

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  10. CHULA says:

    Really liked this article, brought tears to my eyes… since my husband of 3 years but partner of 12 years are now separated… Looking at divorce as the next step. But as I read this I found some of my tears stem from not only him not doing his part, but how I could of done a lot of this advise as well. Really good advise!!

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