How can I protect my children?

Via on Mar 14, 2012

Who’s in the Watch Tower?

We all are.

The influence of media today on our lives is unprecedented.

There is a tremendous amount of information as well as misinformation. We have never been inundated with so many harmful messages. They are sometimes delivered subtly, sometimes aggressively, but we end up over-saturated and overwhelmed. This is a global experience with tremendous impact. There is a staggering increase in eating disorders and body image issues in cultures previously free from Western influence.

Maxim photo spread altered by feminist reader.

The connection is undeniable.

As a parent living in the West, I see that our sons and daughters have a greater level of exposure to toxic messages than ever before. It is sobering, if not terrifying. As a mother, I wonder often about the future for my daughters as they grow up with these images and these ideals.  What will it mean for them? How can I protect my children? Educate? Nurture? Monitor? Make it better? When should I intervene—and when do I need to step back?  I wrestle with these questions.

I know I’m not the only parent of young children gravely concerned about raising young kids in this environment. I want to prolong my daughters’ childhood just as they deserve. I realize that we’re fortunate to see the media and advertising as a particularly grave threat. In many cultures, over-saturation by the culture is the least of the family concerns. Basic necessities such as food, clean water and day-to-day survival are far more pressing.

However, when it comes to children, every parental concern is relevant. The safety and education of our children and the investment we make in them will define the world they will inherit. We all have a different approach to parenting, influenced by the lives we have lived, the pasts and stories we possess. Based on my own history, my ear is particularly tuned in to the very real influences media seems to hold today over young women and men.

My concerns lean directly towards ‘girl’ issues. As that is the past I was a servant to and now, watching my daughters, I know I need  to be the “mama on the watch tower” watching what comes into their lives.

As a survivor of sexual abuse and domestic violence as well as a long struggle with anorexia, I make every attempt to educate both my daughters and my husband about one of the most misunderstood areas of our lives: food. It starts in my kitchen. This is where I, as a mom, see the hearth of opportunity; this is where I kindle the same flames that women have lit for eons, warm fires that hold families together.

Our dialogue starts with positive affirmations. What food is. What it does. The beauty and bounty that mother earth provides.  We are fortunate to be a gardening family so from harvest to the hearth, my daughters literally have hands on many meals through the summer. They are being raised to understand that food is medicine. We are what we eat. Why do we eat what we do? Not to be thin, but to be healthy. To have energy. Stamina. Balance. Longevity. In the kitchen, we eat and live out a counter-story to the dominant cultural messages about food and the body.

Unlike in my upbringing, there are no “no” foods. We don’t use the F word (fat) or the D word (diet). We don’t talk about sizes. Ever. We talk about shapes and what the feeling is when we are full. We discuss body intuition, and the inherent wisdom of our bodies. There will come a day we discuss and celebrate the change as their bodies transform from those of girls into women. We love our bellies. We rub bellies. Rejoice in bellies! In the cooking, in the talking, in the belly-rejoicing—that’s where I educate and protect my daughters.

I hope to touch those daughters outside of our home, especially those who struggle or might not have support in their own homes. The energy and potential of empowered young women permeate far beyond what can be seen by the naked eye. We are weaving a web, we hope will extend to the far reaches of the world, welcoming more women of all ages into its strands.

Fathers and brothers have such a vital role to play in this. My husband watches, ever eager and ever learning. It can be hard for men to understand the challenge of women’s relationship to food, a challenge always to honor how vital this life-giving work in the kitchen is. He is willing to step up even if he doesn’t get it right; our fathers and brothers—our men—need to be willing to observe, make mistakes, and keep working to connect with their daughters and their daughters’ mothers.

We live in a world that rewards and punishes with food. We live in a world where too many of us fall back on talking about bodies rather than connecting with each other. We all know the saying “better to be seen and not heard.” I don’t believe in that. I spent years being seen and not heard, and on my journey I’ve had to learn to speak up—and to insist upon being heard.

I want that for my daughters; we should all want that for all our children.

~

Editor: Kate Bartolotta.

About Carre Otis

Carré Otis has long been one of the most recognizable faces in modeling, headlining in campaigns for Guess, Donna Karan, Calvin Klein, and Revlon. As a supermodel, Carré has appeared on the covers of Vogue, Elle, Harper’s Bazaar, Glamour, and Cosmopolitan. She’s worked with many of the world’s greatest fashion photographers, including Richard Avedon, Herb Ritts, Helmut Newton, and Peter Lindbergh. In her book Beauty, Disrupted: a Memoir Carré shares her unique insight into the business of beauty and the high price it demands by giving an honest account of her struggle with love, identity and spirituality. Now a wife and busy mother of two, she’s found a new voice as a passionate advocate for young women in and out of the modeling industry.

1,761 views

9 Responses to “How can I protect my children?”

  1. Loreta says:

    Hi! thank you for sharing your experiences. I started my 1st blog and I'm also writing about children, I personally don't have children yet although I started a children program 5 years ago and it's one of the most amazing things I've ever done in my life. Not easy!!!
    I believe that questioning and evaluating is a Parent's best tool to affect their children int he most mindful way.
    I would love to share my thoughts.. http://loretag.blogspot.com/
    thanks again!

  2. yogasamurai says:

    Wonder how many times men will have to say this to be "heard." This is not a feminist or a women's issue – not even uniquely. The "fathers and husbands," as you say, don't really need to stand by, waiting to be "educated" by their wives and daughters, many of whom are themselves the biggest purveyors of the "beauty myth" in our culture, especially if they're models-actresses-yoga teachers (the three seem to blend together sometimes), making their living in the fashion, glamor and beauty industries.

    Two thirds of Americans are obese, men and women both, of course. These are universal, i.e. non-gendered issues – and universal, i.e. non-gendered challenges. We need to start talking about 'we" again, a) because it's more accurate, in terms of diagnosis, and b) it's more hopeful, and powerful, in terms of actually moving forward.

    Of course, we have our teenage daughters in these provocative yoga-related American Apparel ads. Maybe we need to educate our mothers – fathers already know – about the consequences of treating yoga as a venue for sexually provocative yoga "modeling"?

  3. Lorin Arnold Lorin says:

    Posted to Elephant Family on Facebook and Twitter.

    Lorin Arnold
    Blogger at The VeganAsana
    Team leader for Elephant Food and Elephant Family

  4. Bravo to You Carrie! Amen! You are a beacon of light in a world full of spotlights on all the wrong things.

  5. [...] and God, in a very powerful way. We get glimpses of this connection when we fall in love or have children and can physically feel a tie between our self and another, but this connection is always [...]

  6. [...] children what to eat and what not to eat, to give them information regarding appropriate nutrition, to help them avoid the pitfalls of eating disorders, to select and prepare healthy meals, and to show their affection through food treats. For a mother [...]

  7. [...] as I screen what my daughters view, I’m also the “mama bear” in my professional career and select exactly how and where I want to insert myself into the media [...]

  8. [...] think many people move towards yoga, at least initially, for external reasons. Practice can lead to weight loss, a toned physique, a pleasant high and connection to a like-minded community. Who wouldn’t want [...]

  9. [...] talk about virginity as if it were a prize to be won by someone else. What we fail to teach our daughters is that our sexuality is the prize—and it is our [...]

Leave a Reply