What to Do When Your Son Scratches “I Love You Mom” on the Side of Your Car with a Rock.

Via on Apr 10, 2012

 

child boy big shoes

Parenting is not for the weak.

So, for some reason, my children are quite creative and curious about everything. Go figure. I think it’s hereditary, though, and I seem to get more creative and more curious the more time I spend getting to know them. And creative and curious is wonderful combination, 99% of the time. But, oh that other 1%!

So what do I do during that 1% of the time that creative and curious lands one or both of them doing something like say, scratching “I love you mom” on the car or writing all over each others’ faces with Sharpies right before we have to go to a big event or making a “magical rainstorm” in the bathroom?

Step 1: Laugh. Maybe not in front of them if I don’t want them to keep doing it. They are as bad as I am when it comes to trying to get a laugh out of people. We have to laugh at this stuff. If we don’t keep a sense of humor about it, we’ll go crazy.

Step 2: Explain instead of blame. People don’t learn life lessons by sitting and hearing a lecture. They learn by making mistakes and finding out what to do differently next time. As hard as it might be to explain why it’s not okay to pee in the neighbors’ front yard with a straight face, it’s a teaching moment. I find my children are more receptive to what I have to say when I’m calm. I don’t just meditate because I like it; I meditate because I have to if I want to stay sane!

Step 3: Have them fix it. If I get mad and stomp around mumbling to myself and clean up the wreckage on my own, I’ve taught my kids that I will clean up their messes for them and all they have to do in exchange is put up with a little grumbling. If they know that they will have to fix, clean or repair their messes, they are less likely to repeat them. (It’s okay to help—I may be “mean mom” but I’m not that mean).

Step 4: If you catch yourself losing your temper, go back to number one. It happens. So when it does, and I catch myself, I make a big silly production of it. “I’m so mad!” Make a silly face at them. Stomp a bit. And then laugh and let them know it’s okay. No mess in life is un-fixable, and that’s a good lesson to learn young. It’s also good to learn that when the people you love get mad, they don’t stop loving you.

Step 5: Give them a hug. There are so many schools of thought around punishment. Personally, I think the intentions are a much bigger issue than the actions when it comes to that type of thing. The consequences of scratching your mom’s car? You have to help fix it. Maybe you have to do extra chores to help work it off. But punish my son for writing that he loves me? Nope. I’ll laugh (and maybe cry!), and we’ll clean it. And then he gets a hug.

There are no perfect parents. Mine weren’t. I’m sure I’m not. But one thing good parents get right is choosing to respond to their children with love—every single time.

 

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Photo: flickr

About Kate Bartolotta

Kate Bartolotta is the strongest girl in the world. She is the love child of a pirate and a roller derby queen. She hails from the second star to the right. Her love of words is boundless, but she knows that many of life’s best moments are completely untranslatable. When she is not writing, you may find her practicing yoga, devouring a book, playing with her children, planting dandelions, or dancing barefoot with her heart on her sleeve. She is madly in love with life and does not know how this story ends; she’s making it up as she goes. Kate is the owner and editor-in-chief of Be You Media Group. She also writes for The Huffington Post, elephant journal, The Good Men Project, The Green Divas, Yoganonymous, The Body Project, Project Eve, Thought Catalog and Soulseeds. She facilitates writing workshops and retreats throughout North America. Heart Medicine, Kate's book on writing, is now available on Amazon.com You can follow Kate on Facebook and Twitter

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8 Responses to “What to Do When Your Son Scratches “I Love You Mom” on the Side of Your Car with a Rock.”

  1. Lorin Arnold Lorin says:

    Posted to Elephant Family on Facebook and Twitter.

    Lorin Arnold
    Blogger at The VeganAsana
    Editor for Elephant Food and Elephant Family.

  2. I wish I'd had the wisdom and presence to laugh my head off, falling down even, when my six year old locked himself in bathroom, and did his version of barbershop. I had to have his head shaved, to make it look consistent. ANd then for four months, deal with the "OMG, what cancer does he have " comments in check out lines at supermarkets with sympathetic strangers. Great piece Kate on WHAT MATTERS! Our children need one thing from us, the parents–acknowledgement that they are simply OK. And lots of hugs.

  3. Boulderluv says:

    I know a little girl–well, now a big girl–who once tried to help her Dad out.

    You see, Dad's car was out of gas.

    Our little girl helped Dad out by filling up the tank… with water from a nearby garden hose. Oops.

    But somehow Dad understood and all was well.

  4. Lorin Arnold Lorin says:

    Just posted to "Featured Today" on the brand new Elephant Family and Education Homepage.

    Lorin Arnold
    Blogger at The VeganAsana
    Please "like" Elephant Family on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

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