Bitches Love Picnics: 10 Super Classy First Date Ideas for Gentlemen Callers.

Via on Jun 25, 2012
(Photo: Pinterest)

 

Also, Bitches love Tumblr.

 

Bitches love X:

 

When the word is used as an insult, it sets apart an individual, conveying feelings of hostility. When used in this plural form, the sentiment can be one of good humor to refer to a group of close friends and associates. While there are exceptions to this application[18], the context of the situation can affect the meaning of the word “bitches.”

While the exact origin of this change in tone is unknown, it can also be attributed to the reclamation of the word “bitch” by the feminist movement…

You know that meme “Bitches love…x”?

Yeah, me neither. And me and two gent friends weren’t laughing an hour or so ago about my putting together a classy, respectful, feminist-forward blog under the title “Bitches love Picnics & 9 other Classy First Date Ideas.”

Bitches Love Picnics: 10 Classy First Date Ideas for Gentlemen.

Fuck dinner. Fuck a drink. Fuck meeting in a fucking café. This isn’t a job interview, good sir. As Emily Dickinson said…well, she said something about getting at the truth, but getting at it slantways. Meaning, doooo something together. Make the two of you separate, nervous, on-good-behaviour individuals an “us,” a team…make the conversation the spice or sauce, instead of the main dish.

> Take her to a summertime outdoor Shakespeare Play (walk there, dinner before or drinks after, bring a jacket or blanket, she’ll need it, hold hands if you must at some point, it’ll be dark and nothing in the WORLD is better than holding hands for the first few times)

> Take her to a Scuba Dive the Shark Tank at Denver Aquarium (this masterful suggestion comes via Christopher of Christopher & Merete)

> Picnic by swimming hole in park. Go upstream as possible, water’s cleaner. If possible, meet at farmers’ market or grocery before to get your things, bike to the picnic. Bring a FUCKING blanket.

> Take her to a NEVER Let them decide where you’re going, they may be stronger emotionally and sharper and wiser but this is a date, take the lead. There are times for equality in form (ie, going dutch, and there are times for chivalry, ie paying on a first date, and deciding (after some feeling out in terms of what she’s up for) what you two will do. You are the DECIDER, to (for the first time ever) quoteth the sage Dubya.

> Take her on a Drive to a nice view at night (Parking Garage will do).

> Take her far away to dinner…say, locally, the Gold Hill Inn. Live music is a plus. (getting away for dinner a little ways outside of town to beach or mountains or warehouse district all alone just the two of you makes you feel like high schoolers feeling like you’re adults, again)

> Take her on a hike (with your dog or her dog or borrowed dog). While she can’t dress up, she can wear yoga pants, and the interview dynamic of conventional first dates is replaced by relaxation, breathing, views, natural flow of conversation. If you’re a bad first dater, nervous, do something like this.

> Take her to something old school, MAN: Ballet…anything super traditional. Theater (bonus points if your eyes get wet, don’t sob but some emotion shows that you’re human, vulnerable, open, real. If you fake it SHE WILL KNOW AND FORGET YOU INSTANTLY. Hand grabbing is ADVANCED LEVEL ONLY hold hands totally by mind feel, be HALF rational and HALF romantic).

> Speed round: poetry reading at cafe, reading at old independent book store, Independent Film Series, opera, baseball (if cool oldish stadium), First Friday…any of which give bonus points if you bike together or car ride together, get dinner before or drinks after.

By my count, that’s 10 suggestions. If your count is different, you’re wrong—but…feel free to suggest your own…suggestions down below, in comments. Blogs are 2.0, only as good as the community conversation they engender.

About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now elephantjournal.com & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | facebook.com/elephantjournal | twitter.com/elephantjournal | facebook.com/waylonhlewis | twitter.com/waylonlewis | Google+ For more: publisherelephantjournalcom

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50 Responses to “Bitches Love Picnics: 10 Super Classy First Date Ideas for Gentlemen Callers.”

  1. Kim says:

    I've been a feminist for over forty years and have yet to reclaim 'bitch' to describe myself. Likewise, 'slut'.

    But I like some of your suggestions. Haven't made up my mind about tumblr yet.

  2. tridentgirl says:

    some bitches like going with a dandy to the outdoor cinema with a flask of something delicious and a blanket to share or better yet some bitches imagine hot summer night time bike rides through the community garden where we stop by the creek to dip our feet and lay back to stargaze and try some of those aforementioned advanced moves like hand holding or super advanced moves like kissing. yup.

  3. elephantjournal says:

    via Facebook, more suggestions:

    Tobye: Bitches love beaches and Beeches.

    Megan H: And star bellied Sneetches.

  4. jane says:

    Yes! Why are dudes these days such bad first daters????

    • elephantjournal says:

      I'm not. I'm incredible. It's the second date on where I flail (my still waters do not run deep).

    • kristinalicia72 says:

      Dudes these days suck at dating. period. First date, 2nd, 5th. It's a miracle if I get to 2 months anymore!

  5. tridentgirl says:

    All you have to do is move up or down the list for the second date. There's also:
    *eldo pool
    *bouldering at the spot (good sweaty innocent physical fun)
    *tubing the creek
    * just running through the sprinkler at night when its bloody hot
    *hammocks are good too…a hammock for two, a beverage and a book of short stories to read under a shade tree
    *bike to Chautauqua and have a picnic (oh yeah..you already mentioned bitches love picnics!)

    • elephantjournal says:

      Eldo pool should definitely be on there…and Outdoor Cinema, and Tubing, genius, and sprinkler yes and hammocks so good, good…and, okay, you shoulda just've written this: First Date Suggestions for All you Lazy Bastards

      • tridentgirl says:

        Well, obviously we are going to need to make an official top 50 local first dates list..a really, really good one. A real "go to list" if you will. Approved first hand by tg & tb! It can be your first research piece (me smirking).

        • Kate says:

          I think ‘Bitches’ as a term of endearment came from the African-americans….thoughts? Comments?

          Invite the apple of your eye to spend time with you doing – something. Gardening! Weather permitting, obviously, then prepare delicious sandwiches (using a selection of carefully selected items previously shopped for). And beer!

          Enjoy!

  6. Maria says:

    Nah, don't like guys i don't know using that term; only okay with my close close close friends, not in the title of an article written my men i don't know.

    • elephantjournal says:

      I don't use the word personally. I was raised right by my momma. That said,

      When the word is used as an insult, it sets apart an individual, conveying feelings of hostility. When used in this plural form, the sentiment can be one of good humor to refer to a group of close friends and associates. While there are exceptions to this application[18], the context of the situation can affect the meaning of the word “bitches.”

  7. Diva says:

    One of my most memorable first dates was when he picked me up in his convertible and told me he was taking me somewhere special. We drank champagne in the car and he drove up to funky old neighborhood in Austin, Tx. It was quite wooded. He parked, I looked up and there was the hugest beehive I've ever seen in my life. It was at least 4 feet tall, hanging from a tree. Bees were buzzing lazily around. We drank champagne, the stars came out and we talked while watching the bees. It was an unforgettable night. I married him.

  8. Melissa says:

    @Maria- Agreed. Just because a minority group has reclaimed a once offensive word, does not make it okay for the entire world to use it. Just as we don't use the word n***er, or some words reclaimed by LGBT culture, such as q**er, g*y, d*ke. This article may not be trying to be satirical (because it definitely is not satire), but I believe that is the only rare instance where privileged majorities are allowed to use such words. Being an ally to minorities does not give anyone permission to be obscene; it should only make us more accountable for our actions. Rather, being "satirical" without exposing any truth only perpetuates our culture's tendency towards oppression.

    • elephantjournal says:

      Well, part of our role is 1) to raise such issues or questions and 2) have a respectful debate and 3) learn so…I thank you for adding a respectful, intelligent, name-calling-free comment.

      I would only add that in our quest for mutual respect and love we continue to apply the yoga of the relaxed sphincter. IE, as is often said of angry religious people, "we are only so close to God as the joy or humor we manifest in our life."

  9. Jane says:

    " NEVER Let them decide where you’re going"–what CENTURY is this from? That attitude would be an instantaneous and permanent dealbreaker for dating me. To set up men as the "decider" is about as insulting, archaic, and stultifying as stereotypes get. Elephant, you should be completely embarrassed that you let this out under your banner. And who edited this article? It has more typos than third grade book report.

    • tridentgirl says:

      Poor dandies, they never catch a break! This was my favorite one, full of confidence and humor. Me like.

    • elephantjournal says:

      Than "a" third grade book report.

    • elephantjournal says:

      Also, Angry Jane, you're taking me out of context, a la Fox News or MSNBC. The very next sentence says "There are times for equality in form (ie, going dutch…". I'm talking about the first date. All my girl dash friends say they prefer to be treated on a first date. I make a habit of listening to them, and respecting their wishes.

      • yogasamurai says:

        Waylon, you asked for these replies! Signed right up for it. Volunteered, I'd say. Don't worry, you still my Nigg@h and I promise not to make you my Bitch, even if you beg. Holla back when you get done mackin', Sammie

        • yogasamurai says:

          Seriously, though…identity politics, counter-identity politics, riffs on identity politics…..playpens for the unenlightened all the way around? What does it add, really?

          • elephantjournal says:

            Ribbing PCness is part of the job, societally. Personally, being willing to be a fool, and make fun of oneself. You're an example of both, I would think.

          • yogasamurai says:

            According to EJ girl gang group-think, perhaps. But that's about as poignant – and pungent – as a fart in a space suit. There are some certifiable cuckoos ruling the nest here!

        • elephantjournal says:

          Oh, yes, like walking into the mouth of an alligator.

      • yogasamurai says:

        Every truly modern woman who's salt of the earth never stands on protocol of this kind, as if they can reclaim all their old girlish perks. It's a sign of immaturity – hopefully you grow out of it. A modern woman goes for what she wants – and a modern man responds. Simple as that. That was true when I was 19 and true at 50.

    • alexandraengland says:

      I agree with Jane. Also, I don't think giving the reader more detail about exactly when equality is and isn't appropriate in the next sentence constitutes any kind of mitigating context.
      Not everyone is able to disregard traditional gender stereotypes but I certainly appreciate it when they can and I'd rather not see people instructed to put aside their progress in favour of conforming to a clichéd idea of gender roles. On a personal level, I don't see people for a second date if they set up gender-based rules on the first.

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  18. Randi says:

    Bitches love flowers!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    we also love poems and sweet words, tender touches, not spending money, being silly going to the arcade, going up some dark cool road with no destination and champagne, or whiskey with some old timey music on the radio. getting dessert at a fancy restaurant. bike riding, doing hobbies together! pretty much bitches just appreciate a man who wants to have a good time doing whatever it may be with them!
    Randi

  19. Sol says:

    My man took me to a remote-ish location at night the produced night vision goggles. We wore them and laid on the grass looking at the stars. There are so many more that you can see with the goggles – it's like the whole sky is sparking! Best. Date. Ever!

  20. kristinalicia72 says:

    One of my favorite first dates was to the Bodies exhibit. Nothing like muscles and skin and body fat dipped in plastic and positioned into creative and interesting configurations to make a girl's knees go weak! Seriously… it was great. Fun, totally different, really interesting, lots of opportunities for flirting, stealing stares, brushing hands…

    Bitches need to lighten up and relax…

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  22. Alicia Zee says:

    These are all *great* suggestions ~ IF you're into the guy. I recently went on a first date with a guy that I met via an online dating site. He was good looking, and a nice enough to be sure ~ but I was just not feeling the chemistry, so hoped for just the boring old ~ albeit friendly and pleasant ~ dinner, perhaps a quick drink afterward, etc. My date on the other hand was determined to try to swoop this bitch off her firmly planted feet. First off, with no forewarning, he picks me up on a motorcycle. A warm summer evening, I had to go back inside to change into appropriate jeans and a jacket…and then put on the helmet that he'd provided for me ~ which was too big and kept sliding around on my head. Still trying to be a good sport about it, I'm now literally obliged to wrap my arms and legs around a guy I've just met…and whom I'm not that into. Okay. We go off into Saturday night stop-and-go traffic ~ impossible to converse at best, and our helmets bonking into each others with each brake and acceleration. We finally arrive at an embarrassingly romantic Japanese tea garden, overlooking Hollywood. Couples everywhere are cooing at each other and the view, while I'm beginning to find the situation increasingly funny. Apparently unaware of this, my date ~ now totally self-absorbed in what an awesome evening he's mapped out, reaches over the table to ~ indeed ~ take my hand into his(while not paying an iota of attention to a word I'm saying in answer to his scripted 'showing-interest' questions). This is the last straw. I can't hold it together any longer and thus burst out laughing. His surprised and puzzled expression is not helping. Awkward as hell evening. Moral of the story: some bitches might prefer you hold the dazzle until ~ and if there is ~ a second date ;D

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