If I Said You Had a Nice Body, Would You Hold it Against Me?

Via on Jun 11, 2012
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Pick-up lines are cheesy.

Want to start a conversation with someone and you don’t know how?

It’s simple.

1. Say hello.

2. Follow it up with your name and something relevant to the current situation and non-cliched.

(Please don’t resort to the weather. I have a theory about talking about the weather. There are two types of people: people who complain no matter what the weather is and people who love the weather no matter what it is. If you fall into the first category and start a conversation with me about the weather, you might note that I am nodding but my eyes have glazed over and I’m plotting my escape).

3. Do that amazing magical thing that your mom has been telling you to do since you were seven:

Be yourself.

But if that seems too daunting, you could always do like this guy and resort to song lyrics:

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Relephant, hilarious and NSFW bonus:

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About Kate Bartolotta

Kate Bartolotta is the strongest girl in the world. She is the love child of a pirate and a roller derby queen. She hails from the second star to the right. Her love of words is boundless, but she knows that many of life’s best moments are completely untranslatable. When she is not writing, you may find her practicing yoga, devouring a book, playing with her children, planting dandelions, or dancing barefoot with her heart on her sleeve. She is madly in love with life and does not know how this story ends; she’s making it up as she goes. Kate is the owner and editor-in-chief of Be You Media Group. She also writes for The Huffington Post, elephant journal, The Good Men Project, The Green Divas, Yoganonymous, The Body Project, Project Eve, Thought Catalog and Soulseeds. She facilitates writing workshops and retreats throughout North America. Heart Medicine, Kate's book on writing, is now available on Amazon.com You can follow Kate on Facebook and Twitter

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13 Responses to “If I Said You Had a Nice Body, Would You Hold it Against Me?”

  1. Eric says:

    Kate~Blink 182 lyrics don't work well, or perhaps it was his delivery?

    Maybe he would have fared better with Led Zeppelin or The Rolling Stones:
    Zep~ "Hi!! Squeeze my lemon til the juice runs down my leg? (I go well with vodka and tonic)".
    Zep~ "Hey-hey mama said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove!!" (maybe it sounds better in Swedish: Hej-hej mamma sa att vägen som du flyttar, gonna orsakar att du svettas, gör gonna dig spår!!)".
    Stones~ "Well, we all need someone we can cream on. If you wanna, you can cream on me." (unless you work on a dairy farm or in the porn industry, cuz then it would be like…boring)".

    I found the girl in the 2nd video annoying and I feel sorry for her dog.
    One velvet morning, she will wake up next to Tucker Max and think, "I have arrived, muthafckas".

    • Yes! Or maybe just Beatles: "I want to hold your hand," "Why don't we do it in the road?" or "I'm happy just to dance with you."

      Yeah, I think she's annoying…but funny too. Small doses.

  2. yogasamurai says:

    Kate, you're just stating your own preference! Which is sweet – and entirely cool. But none of that works with most women. Zilch. For one thing, you're assuming that most women are looking for something real!! Too much down to earth sincerity can strike a discordant note, suggesting some need for reciprocity, and that prospect is often extremely disconcerting to the modern urban female. It can even be viewed as an intrusion. Better just to make her laugh, gently compliment her on an element of her dress, and make sure you show her your bling. Did you hear about that big tornado in Iowa?

    • kayleigh4peace says:

      So what about the women who DO want something real? Clearly Kate is one of them, as am I. I can tell you pick-up lines absolutely don't work for me, either. It would be nice if a man actually spoke to me like a human being.

      • I agree Kayleigh. And I don't think this is a male/female issue or even a dating issue. 99% of people (or maybe I just know a lot of weirdos) like to talk to people who are being genuine.

      • yogasamurai says:

        That's because you guys are both sweethearts (among other things) – and obviously don't live in Washington, DC? Real is an occupational hazard here. The whole point is not to be. It's actually in your employment contract, I think.

    • Well, as I mentioned to Kayleigh, most people I know prefer to talk to people who are being genuine—male, female, gay, straight, for dating purposes or friendship/general conversation. Maybe I just know a lot of weirdos and the rest of the population likes phonies.

      • yogasamurai says:

        Here's my thought — It can really matter where you meet someone, the setting?

        The same person in a sports bar, a neighborhood cafe, a house party, or a small invited dinner gathering where you all know the host may be in a very different comfort zone – and "performance" mode.

        The absolutely worst place to meet someone is a yoga studio. (unless you're the teacher, lol)

        For women, how a man dresses and carries himself is often everything. It's not a matter of being "phony," as you say. Decades of research has demonstrated that women do look for "cues" for effective mates – or "hook up" partners.

        Being "totally yourself" only counts if it's the self a women desires? If she even knows what he actually desires, which can change from minute to minute.

        I think you're being exceedingly naive and possibly even disingenuous here – given the sorry state of gender relations – mass confusion over roles and expectations, etc.

        As long as sex isn't on the table – or under the table – it's much easier for people t be real. Otherwise, all bets are off.

        • That makes sense. Many settings do lend themselves to putting on a bit of a show.

          My statement (as is the nature of most blogs) was my personal opinion. It came out of a conversation about pick-up lines with a bunch of friends (male & female) the night before. It was mainly intended to be a fun intro to the videos, and not a larger social commentary.

          • yogasamurai says:

            I like that in-your=face dame. I've never had a really strong relationship that didn't start straight up, direct, and primal (not to be confused with lustful) I've had one happy little erotic friendship that was a wonderful respite at a difficult time – and didn't last . Love really needs to be fierce – or it's nothing at all. :o)

  3. Eric says:

    "Maybe I just know a lot of weirdos" ~Kate, I resemble that comment. And I don't remember meeting you :)

  4. [...] but it seemed all at once there were three eligible men swarming around. I live in NYC and yes—dating is a scene. Also a friend from childhood who I hadn’t heard from in four years now works for a dating service [...]

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