I’m Not Sacred, I’m Not Divine, I’m Not Apologizing. ~ Dawn Cartwright.

Via on Jun 22, 2012
Photo: Michael Julian Berz

What’s with all the divine feminine and sacred masculine calling out and apologizing recently?

It all started with, A Call to the Sacred Masculine: Ten Daring Invitations from the Divine Feminine. You know, I’ve never had much luck with telling men how to be men. I discovered, after years of experience and lots of mistakes, the way to bring out the best in a man is to love him. Just the way he is.

Several men jumped on the bandwagon. Some got angry, The Last Thing I Need is Another Set of Rule on How to Be a Man. Or offered, A Call to the Divine Feminine: Ten Bold Invitations from the Sacred Masculine. And, while I appreciate the fact that men may have something to say to me about how to be a woman, seems something gets lost in translation when blanket statements are made.

Then there’s this divine feminine, sacred masculine thing and all the apologizing, Dear Divine Feminine: I’m Sorry. Where I come from, an apology is tantamount to an insult. If something you’ve said or done doesn’t sit well with you, you make it right—without attracting attention to yourself in the process.

All of this feels a lot like arranging deck chairs on the Titanic. A useless diversion from the grim reality of our fate and the catastrophe already set in motion.

Photo: Michael Julian Berz

From what I understood, these conversations were started in hopes that we would rise in love, gain a greater understanding of one another, repair the damage caused by ancient longings unmet. Yet, while we recognize staying aboard the sinking ship of enmeshment and expectation is hopeless, seems it’s the only thing we know. And, for now, all the dares, invitations and apologies meant for I don’t know who, give us the grim illusion we are actually working things out.

Our only hope, as I see it, is to leap into the icy waters of the unknown. Release our grip on what has never worked before, strip ourselves bare, untangle ourselves from blame and bitterness, dive deep—inside—until we touch the indivisible. Until we touch the place where right and wrong do not exist and being a god or a goddess isn’t dependant on what we say or do. A place where terms like divine and sacred are no longer necessary—they are, in fact, intensely redundant—and we all sigh a great sigh of relief, now that measuring up is no longer the issue. We find we’re all human. We’re one and together, just like we always wanted to be, safe and warm.

No beggars. No saints.

You know, all this controversy struck a chord in me, really got me angry, even furious, and now I know why. For years I spent my time trying to coerce men into being women—barraging them with expectations meant to obliterate their masculinity because their love forced me to feel too much. Now, years later, tired of all my ploys to clip his balls, I feel how it feels to be loved by him.

And face the stark empty space of autonomy and empowerment that true love reveals.

~

Photos courtesy of Michael Julian Berz Photography. “Every shoot is a transformational and healing process. Regardless of the subject my work is a reflection of the ability to perceive presence in simultaneity with each other.” MJB

 

~Editor: Lori Lothian

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About Dawn Cartwright

Dawn Cartwright is a Tantric visionary, sacred writer, world traveler, and innovator in bio-energetic Tantra fusion. She discovered the path of Tantra by accident shortly after a period of life-changing mystical experiences in lovemaking. During her 20 years of teaching, she has integrated the Vigyan Bhairav roots of Tantra, Alexander Lowen’s teachings, the wisdom of Osho, and a microcosm-macrocosm approach to the body. Founder of the Chandra Bindu Tantra Institute in Santa Monica, California. You can also find Dawn on Facebook and Twitter. Dawn lives in Santa Monica, California.  

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33 Responses to “I’m Not Sacred, I’m Not Divine, I’m Not Apologizing. ~ Dawn Cartwright.”

  1. I absolutely love this! Was working on something similar myself. I'm human and that's all I want in a partner. "No beggars. No saints." = exactly!

    • Kate – Thank you! You know what's funny, every time I read over this article I actually SIGH when I get to the sigh of relief part. Whew. Okay, I really want to read your piece – let's have it! xo

  2. Adam Sheck Adam Sheck says:

    Succinct, direct, heartfelt, and at least to me – deeply accurate. I wish that I could laser in so clearly instead of just rant. Thank you so much!

  3. Jeff Brown says:

    Where I come from, apologies are essential. I can't imagine getting from the fucked up world as it is to the world of divine possibility without apologies as one of the many steps. What you write sounds good, but feels hollow.

    • Jeff – thanks for chiming in, I'm honored. When I read your article (your apology) what I read – correct me if I'm wrong – is a whole lot of words mostly all about you. What you've been through, what you're going through, what is meaningful to you. Not a whole lot about the "Divine Feminine", as you call it. Is it a letter to women, or a love letter to yourself? I'm still wondering.

      • Cesare says:

        Ms. Cartwright, I entirely agree with you that "an apology is tantamount to an insult. If something you’ve said or done doesn’t sit well with you, you make it right—without attracting attention to yourself in the process." Apologies are meaningless if one just does the same offense after apologizing. But I also agree with Mr. Brown that apologies are an essential part of the process. And I love the fact that you're now at a place in your life where feeling love can empower you. But with all that being said, did you ever make amends to the men whom you admit spending years trying to coerce into being women? Or at least I hope your Institute is an attempt at that.

        • Cesare, It's good to hear from you. I honestly don't feel apologies are relevant in any situation. To me – men, Jeff, and the "Sacred Masculine" are being themselves, then and now – to the best of their ability. I'm being me, to the best of my ability. I accept that. I'm in relationship with that, willingly and intimately. We're in this together. There is no "us" and no "them" as far as I see it. I prefer to explore what IS arising instead of believing something should or shouldn't happen, or should or shouldn't have happened. This, from what I am discovering, strips away many layers of distance between myself and everyone, including men. It also strips away many layers between who I am naturally and who I learned to be through socialization, etc.. I'll write more below, in my response to Jeff. As far as the men in my past, no, I have not apologized to them and I have no plans to. In my work, I explore what I am describing to you here – current, equal, intimate relationship with and between men and with women. Revolutionary things are happening.

      • Jeff Brown says:

        I hear you. When this piece came out, so many were touched by it. I trust that, and am not moved by your words. They are sharp and clever, but I feel they fail to see the sacredness of intention at the heart of that piece. There is so much that is sharp and clever now, but the heart of things gets lost.

        • It seems Jeff and I are in a similar boat–A Call to the Sacred Masculine is now at 50K views in three weeks, 14K facebook shares, and like jeff, i've received more positive response (in FB messages/emails) from MEN And WOMEN then negative and critical.

          Like Dawn (and others who see the place beyond right and wrong doing) I can of course rest in the non-dual awareness while at the same time engaging the play of polarity in this leela, game of god.

          As long as I am in a body that is receptive and a man is embodied with the ability to penetrate, the polarity is real and evident. I have never wanted to make a man, a woman. This piece was a yearning muse-driven INVITATION to an ARCHETYPAL MALENESS….

          ANd in that, of course, it has created a stir…..emotions run high, both in fear and excitement, at the possibility of our potential for greatness.

          It's okay to be self accepting, and to love what is. It is also equally okay to invite more or different than what is.

          When we make anything wrong, at all, we are missing the truth. We are back to positional thinking, and lost in maya…again.

          A Call to the SM is not me saying this is THE WAY, but a way. All ways are welcome.

          Lori Ann

        • Jeff, Thanks so much for staying in the conversation. I'd love to continue to go deeper with you and I'm grateful for the opportunity. This topic, apology, is a powerful one with unexpected ramifications.

          Apology implies something happened that shouldn't have. Many people hold the belief that there are some things that "should" happen and some things that "shouldn't" and so it makes sense to me that many would respond to your article. However, this sets up what I feel to be a very dangerous dynamic.

          "Right" and "wrong" are the first signs of separation – the opposite of intimacy. It's very tempting and also socially encouraged to join the "right" camp. By doing this, we set up a dynamic where the "wrong" population is marginalized or even persecuted. Isn't it interesting that this is exactly what many would consider to be the not-so-recent-fate of the Divine Feminine at the hands of the Sacred Masculine?

          Many women in the world were born and bred on Disney films. You gave them a Prince Charming, of course they respond, of course they want to feel they've been chosen and the glass slipper fits and you'll never leave them again. That isn't real, Jeff, at least it isn't possible as long as "right" and "wrong" and "should" and "shouldn't" still exist – for it creates, simultaneously, a world of step-sisters and Cinderellas (in male form as well as female) who never feel worthy of getting off their knees.

          This is the hidden danger in apology.

          Our conversation is teaching me a great deal, it is an honor to be here with you, Jeff. Thank you.

          • Dawn–you do see the irony here, right. You saying that Jeff's approach is wrong (to apologize which sets up a right and wrong dynamic) you are also setting up that very same dynamic.

            When we are still invested in a position, any position, we create the duality dynamic.

            What Jeff wrote is perfectly RIGHT for thousands of readers. What you write meets another few thousand readers who nod their heads in agreement.

            There comes a time where we can just stop the dance of my way/your way is right/wrong.

            Some people might think I am invested in what i wrote in A call to the SM–I was just playin around! It's like cooking in the kitchen, with a muse instead of a cookbook….stuff gets mixed together in new and creative and even old ways. It's also writing from a surrendered place as a word artist. I did not write A Call to the SM. I simply midwived it.

            I too feel in Jeff's Apology, that same surrendered state that yes, has created a piece of writing that has touched many women. Those women are the ones who needed to hear, "I'm sorry."

            A great healing happens there. Sorry is not a dirty word.

            The Hawain ancient spritual practice of healing through apology, is called Ho'oponopono. Reconciliation of hurts happens only when someone is first accountable. At the level of transcendant awareness, none of it matters, even a murderer and victim are ultimately living out karma and made of light at a soul level.

            But to by-pass the beauty of forgiveness at any level, is odd.

            Lori Ann

          • Good Morning Lori,

            I understand that for you, Jeff and tens of thousands of people, "Dear Divine Feminine, I'm Sorry" is of tremendous value. I can see how hearing "I'm sorry", can feel good, a step toward understanding. I actually agree, in the midst of apology, there's opportunity to learn a lot about each other.

            I feel that both you and Jeff have a wide audience. That is powerful in many ways. Do you want to use this pivotal moment to continue to build the illusion that what we seek is outside of us? I invite you ;) to consider using your great minds and hearts to show that this longing – to be met by a man who is a god, to be apologized to and seen by the sacred masculine (and "calling in the one" – which no one has talked about here but fits quite well in this paradigm as I see it) – is a doorway (and a beautiful one) to much, much more. To a love that has no limits, relief that has no opposite, homecoming that is endless.

            You're absolutely right, I stepped into one of the oldest and most obvious traps in my last reply to Jeff – using duality to describe the non-dual. Can I say it like this? Beyond lists and apologies and "calling in the one" there is union. And, yes, lists and apologies and "calling in the one" can be incredibly useful as inspiration and in pointing the way. And, though they are important and valuable and worthwhile, are they really what we are searching for, really? You and Jeff have started a revolution. You have me by your side. Let's take this thing all the way home.

            Dawn

  4. omg says:

    Where do you come from? Santa Monica, CA? And just where the heck is this divine ideal world you envision? Yes, acceptance is the answer to whatever the problem is. So says AA's Big Book.

  5. Freya Watson singingflute1 says:

    Yes, absolutely – getting to a place where we 'find we're all human'. But isn't that what offering and receiving apologies is all about? Isn't it about accepting that we fuck up and that we're not keeping up a facade of some impossible ideal?

    • Hello there Freya, super honored to receive your comment as well. Congratulations on your article today, I love how much you feel. I guess I'm just more of an "actions speak louder than words" kind of woman. I can tell him that I love him, that I've learned how to love more, that I see how far I've strayed from what means most to me – or – I can be that woman who's awakened to love, show him all that and more – I'll take the later.

  6. Well, as the writer who sparked this all off with A Call to the Sacred Masculine, I say this. Good fucking god, thank the cosmos for this discussion! It's not about me being right, or laying down a law or set of rules, it's about getting the genders talking. Woo hoo! On that note,

    I talked for an hour on Tangled FM radio (britain) about A Call to the Sacred M (and will be on a few other radio shows in LA and elsewhere) just because this whole topic is hot–whether you agree with me or not. To hear the interview with Susie Heath or download it, go to: http://www.untangledfm.com/index.php/replays/the-

    By the way, I adore Dawn Cartwright's willingness to put herself out there, like Candice Holdorf, fearlessly.

    Lori Ann

    • Kudos to you Lori, you are really something extraordinary. You know, I hesitated writing this – for obvious reasons, you ARE my editor, after all – and – you were the one who encouraged me, witnessed my fire and invited me into the conversation. I feel closer and more engaged than ever. Thank you for leading the way. Thank you for rousing us so well! Congrats on your radio talk and thank you for all your love.

    • Tony in Berkeley says:

      Is it possible for you to post a reply on Elephant without cutting and pasting such self promotion for your radio show? Seriously.

      • You really don't like me Tony and that's okay–it's just in the show, I explain in more depth what the intention is/was in A Call to the SM…so it was to offer a useful bit of information for tnose interested. It's not my show, so I don't benefit from sharing a link to the archived (now past) event. Would you like me to send you a life-size cut out of me, for target practice? It seems I have brought out your nasty side….or maybe that is just who you are.

  7. Hudson says:

    A great progression of articles over the weeks…. thank you.!

    It all seems to be more and more about Real CARE ( Love in action ), for your partner, friend, family and community.

    I’m looking forward to Love in action where we care about each other in the little things everyday and the very important times of relationships.

    Encourage and move forward with LESS games, sentimentality and sabotage.

  8. Dawn,
    Thanks so much for this! All of this posturing, posing, and preening as the divine has become tiresome. Thanks so much for bringing this larger discussion back to the humble place it belongs!

    • HI Chris

      Is it possible to play on both stages, the archetypal (king/warrior/God and Queen/Goddess) along with mortal, mundane and everyday? I am so curious when people resist a call to the archetypal level of being human.

      • Of course it is! I'm not resisting anything, I'm just weary of all the posturing, preening, and posing which has been so prominent in this whole discussion. I embrace both the archetypal and divine every day (as do many people) and I even teach a workshop called The Warrior and The Yogi which humbly invites people to strive to live authentically on these multiple planes.

        What I do not embrace is when people wear the cloak of the king/queen/warrior/god/goddess (to serve their narcissism) but do not try to actually embody it. Its a matter of authenticity.

        I know this is something which you pointed out in your lovely blog post but in the ensuing scrum here on Ele, so much of the discussion has occurred on the posing/preening/posturing "look at me!" level.

        Thus, I truly appreciate how Dawn has brought a new perspective to the conversation; one which can take it back to the humble place it belongs.

        • Chris, Thank you for putting this into words so well. I feel the groundedness of your approach and it resonates with me. In fact, just reading your post, my body relaxed and opened. I'm not sure if I call myself divine, what I do know is this woman's body, mine, responded, in warmth and opening, to the words written by you. In this immediate moment, you, YOU, actually meet me. That's good enough for me, in fact it's wonderful.

    • Hey Chris, It's not always easy being practical – but it sure is efficient. Thanks for adding your voice!

  9. [...] I’m Not Sacred, I’m Not Divine, I’m Not Apologizing. ~ Dawn Cartwright. [...]

  10. Guy Duff says:

    For me, apology is not about "right" or "wrong". It is an acknowledgement that someone has felt hurt and that in some way I may have contributed to being associated with the hurt. Apology is a form of humility in which I am saying being "right" is insignificant to the fact that I love you and I wish you didn't hurt. The words "I apologize" may be a weak form of true apology. A hug, a kiss, an offer to spend the day walking on the beach or an invitation for meal and listening with depth could be a much deeper apology. We are interdependent beings. I believe that I am on the path of ending suffering and bringing joy to all I encounter and in so doing ending suffering and bringing joy to myself. In its true and heart felt sense, real apology is compassion, human affection. When I have felt hurt by the actions, inaction or words of another, a sincere and heart felt apology may truly ease my suffering. Insincere apologies have no value. A hug can be a form of an apology or an act of kindness. Apology and forgiveness are mirrors of one another. One is requesting that judgement be removed and love received and forgiveness is dropping judgement and receiving/giving love. While I do not subscribe to overly apologetic behavior, I do believe there is a time and a place for it and that is for each one of us to decide. Whatever we do or say, whatever words we use, if we do so with truth and love and care in our hearts, we can not go wrong. If we lived fully in non-judgement at all times perhaps apologies would not be necessary and if we were not living in a world so full of violence, desecration of the Earth, loneliness, inequality and cruelty among and between humans, perhaps we would not need to use words such as "sacred" and "divine" to remind us that in our true nature (how we were born, empathic, loving, generous beings) we already are perfect reflections of Spirit. I believe that the ultimate goal of a human is found in the term "Bodhisattva" which is the perfected state of compassion in which we take responsibility to end the suffering of all sentient beings. This practice is found in another practice, also zen in nature of ho'oponopono in which the mantra "please forgive me. I love you. thank you" which is based on the principle that all we experience in life, including the suffering of any being is directly connected to our being and in taking full responsibility for our own being we are, as is the Bodhisattva consciousness, responsible to end the suffering of all we encounter. Perhaps it is the belief that this is true that provides my perspective. Words are tricky and can be divisive, more often than not engaging the mind rather than the heart, engaging judgement and the anger that often comes with it, and any real value in the concept of "apology" must come from the heart and not from mind and the deepest apologies must come from the soul and most often that comes from the simple act of touch and warmth of heart.

  11. [...] making peace. They would set aside their weapons and war making and just be man and woman. Beyond god and goddess, before sacred or divine—we are human, first. Beyond the “war between the sexes” there [...]

  12. blyslv says:

    "Until we touch the place where right and wrong do not exist and being a god or a goddess isn’t dependant on what we say or do."

    Honestly, this sounds like something a petulant teenager would say. Referencing some vague notion of "enlightenment" maybe fun, but it doesn't obviate the fact that we live in a physically instantiated world, where "right and wrong" most certainly do exist and where what people say and do is the best indication of who and what they are.

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