The deeper I go, the closer I am to a quiet truth: I don’t have to find love. It never left.
It’s not that my heart is broken…
It’s just that broken trust and promises, broken ties and failed relationships, a low tolerance for pain and fear-based beliefs have all done a fantastic job at convincing me to repress my heart’s propensity for freely giving and receiving love. In fact, I’m learning that the only brokenness my heart might actually be aware of is that of the shattered chains my sometimes-fearful mind uses to arrest it.
So my heart isn’t broken; my heart is in bondage. And because I am the one ultimately responsible for its imprisonment, I am the one solely responsible for its freedom, right? Well, sort of. Paradoxically, of course, the opportunity to satisfy said responsibility almost always presents itself as an opportunity to be in relationship. In other words, it often seems that the only way to set my heart free is to deal with the pain and terror—real or perceived because my perception is my reality—of making it available to/for another.
To my astonishment, however, my practice of opening myself up to loving and being loved by others has revealed itself as an opening to and offering of self-wisdom, love and liberation.
When I unblock the barricaded edges of my heart, in search of a home for the love of another, I unavoidably deepen into the home of very genuine and vulnerable spaces within. The deeper I go, the closer I am to a quiet truth that is being softly whispered every day of my life. I witness a syncopated dance between fiction and reality, in which the roles are reversed and the leading lies are compassionately replaced by an understudied truth. That’s when I discover how much love has been there all along—a simmering and savory juiciness in which my heart has long yearned to be steeped.
I allow what is there to be what it is and embrace it as such.
I open more, search higher, sink deeper.
Soaked in its own essence, my once trapped and denied heart begins to burst at the seams, overflowing with grace and graciously pouring magic into the mundane.
It is then that I realize that every moment is eternally filled with the spaciousness of love.
It is then that I come to know the steady rapping of my heart as a constant call to my soul to remember—every breath as inspiration for my spirit to trust and my mind to choose—to let go.
Then, in those moments, I am free.
Free from the bondage of the lies I choose to believe;
Free of the fears that I allow to deprive my heart;
Free to choose to fearlessly know, understand, embrace and offer that which has been there all along, not only waiting for me to steep myself in its juiciness, but also recognize its juiciness as myself;
In those moments, I am free to trust, let go and fall into myself as that which I have always longed for:
Darius is a Louisiana-Texan whose soul path has him currently residing in Boulder, where attends graduate school at Naropa University. Dancing, good food, good music, good company and good times all add to the richness of his life, as well as the daily practice of digging into the soils of the human experience, harvesting and indulging in the sustaining wisdom and succulent veracity of divinity. Darius’ favorite way of engaging in such work is through yoga—all eight limbs! In fact, the pull and effect of yoga was so strong in his life that he decided to become a certified and registered teacher. His work as a yoga teacher is fueled by his passion to share with his students what his personal practice continues to teach him: “That which brings me face-to-face with my true nature also lends strength to my ability to cultivate a profound capacity to courageously face, lovingly embrace, compassionately heal, deeply integrate, and authentically embody every aspect of my entire being—breath, mind, body, soul, and spirit.” Check out one of Darius’ classes at Om Time Yoga or email him for more information about private instruction, special group classes/workshops, or just to say hi.
Editor: Alexandra Grace
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. How to Love a Woman who Scares You. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. I Still Think of You. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. Reading This Takes Guts. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD.