What does it take to ask for what you really want?
I recently read “Being In Love” by Osho. In it he says that people at the age of 42 stop having sex. They stop what he describes as fighting with sex: the gross and ordinary bumping, grinding and touching each other in predictable ways to get off. They cease being two outward moving bodies but rather become two inner energies meeting on a higher plan. In other words, people stop having sex because they transcend sex and they start practicing tantra.
Some weeks went by since reading that and in the mean time a friend and I made plans to spend the weekend together in the mountains. Driving up for the weekend, I imagined the conversation that I wanted to have with him about what I had read.
Actually, there wasn’t so much of a conversation to have as there was a request to be made. It was a request to learn together what neither of us rather experienced aficionados of ordinary sex had yet learned about the unknown of sex, about transcendent sex.
So, together we sat on the cabin porch swing looking out at the trees and I shared Osho’s theory with him. I told him, “There is so much I don’t know about sex and I want to experience what I don’t know with you.”
He didn’t answer me in words, but that weekend, we stepped into the unknown together.
He showed me that he got the meaning between my words and that he was willing to meet me on a plane I was only able to describe from a book but had never experienced myself; a plane in which words are redundant, bodies disappear, and energies become one.
I see now what it took to make that request and what it takes any time we have a request that that exposes that which our hearts, minds, bodies and spirits desire most.
Certainly, it took courage to just get the words out of my mouth, but even before that, it required something that I previously had tended to avoid as much as possible.
It required vulnerability.
A vulnerability in which my neck was fully exposed and the anticipation was thick; a vulnerability in which worrying about who is in control and who has the upper hand had no place; and a vulnerability in which I was consenting to allow him to enter fully into my unguarded and unknown spaces, and requesting to be let into his.
And that is where trust comes in. Trust is that other emotion along with vulnerability that can make me squirm in my seat. Yet it is trust in myself that balances the uncertainty of the response I will receive from making such a tender request. It is trust in myself that I am complete and even emboldened in my true Self, regardless of what happens next.
What I learned is, to have that kind of trust and to be that vulnerable takes courage. It is the yin with the yang, the tender with the strong and the willingness to give and receive in easy flow that makes such an exchange and request possible.
What is it that your heart, mind and body desire most?
And will you be both brave and vulnerable enough, to ask for it?
~ Editor: Lori Lothian
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