Five Ways to Deepen Loving Relationships
Romantic relationships are a fascinating place to expose our vulnerabilities. They allow us to learn and grow with our “mirror,” to be loved, supported and nurtured. Ultimately, they challenge us to share our deepest natures.
Relationships are constantly negotiated and re-negotiated as our sense of self shifts, and our ideas about life change. Where people can easily suffer is at the point that relationships become a place to express neuroses.
Connecting with another should always be interesting and fun. When it starts to be painful, something within us is making it painful. We need to look within, or perhaps we need to let go of the relationship.
Our suffering stops when we become conscious of choosing the experience of a relationship to relate to another as a mirror of our being. Instead of being a victim to the experience, we can then actively co-create it.
The moment we bring awareness into relating, barriers of the ego self start to fall. We start to see the other as an extension of our self. We start to see ourselves in another. We start to feel our whole experience as one expression of who we are. There is no separation. (No us and them, no you and me!)
After the fall of all other illusions, sometimes all that remains is love.
It’s giving of love, or seeking love that’s behind most acts, yet unfortunately, fear so often penetrates and suppresses the natural flow of life. I find I often just freeze up, and I’m not alone in that self-defeating behavior.
As people, we fear so much that someone will see our true selves exposed, that we sabotage ourselves before even getting a chance to get close to another. How much does fear obstruct our love lives, and how can we embrace love for the sake of love despite our fears and past experiences?
The moment when we become uncomfortable is exactly the moment when we start to grow. Too many of us (including me) stop at that moment.
Let’s not waste that opportunity to feel.
Below are five ways to elevate and improve romantic relationships:
1. Accept yourself as you are.
If you can accept yourself as you are, then naturally, all you are feeling is okay.
Accepting yourself begins with unconditional love.
I believe the first step in living an expanded life is accepting who you are and where you’re at. From this point of acceptance, you can now begin to transform and make adjustments to promote greater happiness and well-being in your relationships.
2. Play with romance.
Be more playful in (and out) of the bedroom.
Romantic relationships are an exciting place to “play” with another. Play with love; give surrendering a chance and give yourself an opportunity to feel the fear and do it anyway!
You deserve to feel the excitement of romantic love. Stop taking life so seriously!
Remember what it was like to play when you were a child? Bring this playful innocence, imagination and freedom into the bedroom.
3. Bring your full attention to having “conscious” orgasms.
Focus on becoming truly present in lovemaking.
At the moment of climax, bring your full life force into a place of expansion and union with your partner.
At the point of breakdown of male-female polarities, energies blissfully caress, intermingle, play and unite. Where the world ceases to exist as a coherent entity within consciousness, boundaries no longer exist. That’s an exciting concept.
All there is is one moment, one essence, one sex, one life. This is knowing God.
There’s a lot of possibility and potentiality in the orgasm. Use it!
4. Surrender to love. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Fear is denial of life.
Allowing oneself to let go and surrender is the bravest and most important way for you to find yourself as a person.
When a person fears getting close to another, he has detached himself from his own heart consciousness.
I believe on the other side of this fear is love waiting patiently.
5. Bring the orgasm into your life.
I believe we come to a point of orgasm, and then the moment after the euphoria dies down, we fall back into habitual patterns again (stories about the past and thoughts about the future). We can easily lose our essence in our incessant jabbering internal dialogue. So we perpetually seek to get back that no-thing-ness (completion) that occurred when we ceased to exist.
How about consciously bringing this energy of orgasm into your life—finding God in all moments, instead of just one.
I’m aware that it’s not easy living on a constant “high.” Probably not natural either.
I advocate a mindful practice of union and connection with God, finding Shambhala in living your life intimately, finding nirvana in bringing the orgasm to life—living your life orgasmically.
Editor: Brianna Bemel