The truth is, flirting is an art.
And like art, it can be mastered.
Flirting is an expression of the vibes, feelings and interaction between two people who are fully engaged, totally present and completely enthralled in any given moment. There are many kinds of flirting. The ‘first meet’ is where I take you into the field of flirting with a few of my own simple tips and insights that will bring out the flirt in you.
Here are 11 flirting tips:
1. Make Eye Contact
If you walk into a room, are sitting in a space or go someplace and see someone you are immediately attracted to you, you will naturally look at them. And nine out of 10 times they will feel your energy and turn to you or the other way around. The energies of the eyes are strong and the receiver can feel it. When they turn your way, do not look away. Keep looking at them. I do not encourage winking because it’s rather cheesy. It’s the looking of the gaze that will melt you away and bring out your flirtatious nature—and it hints if the other person is feeling you. Those few seconds may seem like eternity. Then…
Not just with your lips but also with your eyes. There is nothing more dazzling than smiling eyes. They are sexy and heart melting. Let your smile light up the room—from a light smile to a bright one that reveals you in a vulnerable, yet strong way. Let your smile naturally fill your organs and your entire body, making all of you beam a radiant smile at your target. After the gaze and the smile, gently return your attention to the moment—your moment.
3. Move Your Body
I swear this one is easier than it sounds. There’s no need to have any moves in mind or practice any steps. When your eyes make contact and your lips turn up into a crescent moon smile, your body will follow and do its own dance. Get out of your mind and into your body. Descend into your heart and trust your body. Just make sure you are aware of your feet touching the earth so that you do not slip, twist or fall. Lengthen your spine and let your attention drop into the tail of your spine. Flirting is a natural bodily response to external stimuli that activates the good hormones. You just have to go with it.
If there were distance between you two, then a man would be inclined to find his way to you. A woman can do likewise, if she is at ease with going after what she wants. Let the moment guide you.
4. Speak up
Utter a few words acknowledging your crush. A simple ‘Hi’ can go a long way. Then notice what they are doing or see what’s around you two and ignite a conversation based on it. If that doesn’t come together easily, then by all means give them a compliment. I love complimenting a man on what’s organic about him, like his features—his eyes, his smile, or the way he expresses through his hair—men with long beautiful locks are easy to compliment but it would be difficult to do so with a bald headed guy. I think if you went for the lips or his buns it may turn up the flame a bit too high and too quick. You don’t want that, you want to be subtle. Remember less is more.
5. Introduce your self or maintain the mystery.
If you’re going to introduce yourself, a first name is sufficient. Remember it’s a ‘flirtatious’ moment not a business meeting. Besides, you’re not wearing a name tag so make it easy to remember. For me, I have a flirt name and then there’s my real name. I choose according to the situation. If you choose to remain a mystery, then refrain from giving your name. Make them work a bit harder to get you to tell your name. Then when you decide to tell your name, whisper it in their ear. What a sexy unveiling of the mystery.
6. Ignite a conversation.
You both should be in close proximity by now—hopefully a few inches apart and of course, not yelling across a room or a street. Find some common grounds with this person. You may both be at an event with a theme or focus, or you may be ordering the same take-out meal or your kids may attend the same school or you may be standing in the same voting line. Use your discretion in bringing up a conversation. Or be ready and mindful of the one he/she may ignite. Just keep it light and no heavy on the personal stuff. Avoid any debates or harsh criticisms and certainly no complaints. In fact, if he/she begins to complain then I would take it as a warning sign and immediately turn off the flirt switch. Flirting is what butterflies do with flowers. Touch, sniff, taste and go—nothing serious, dark or heavy—they just leave the light scent of a trail behind.
7. Be Mindful of Body Cues.
Keep yourself open and flowing, this will manifest through your body language. Crossed legs or arms are an indication that you are not open. Tension in your neck and shoulders may be a warning. Pay attention to your body and how you feel. Looks can be deceiving but your body knows. Always stand or sit facing the other person you are attracted to. Angle your torso toward him or her, or point your feet in their direction. Keep your face unwrinkled. Sometimes, stress, sadness and unresolved anger can show up in a person’s face. Make sure you are pleasant, peaceful and at ease in your face and body. All of these facial signs can project and speak of your inner world. You want to create a pleasant inner first and see it come out.
8. Break the touch barrier.
More times than not, it may be perfectly okay to initiate touch. And I don’t mean in an overly insinuating way nor clumsy way like falling or tripping over something or your crush, but more so in a safe and slightly conveying way. You are transmitting to them that you like them and feel comfortable enough with yourself and the moment. You may choose to brush against them gently as you make your way by or may remove an imaginary speck of dirt or dust on their arm or clothes. No face! In the event that he/she does really have something on their face, then you can let them know or say nothing. It has to feel natural inside of you. The supermarket can be a meet market. I run into a lot of men in Whole Foods Market. It’s always fun flirting with one or two of them.
One time I was at the check out when a man walked in. We were immediately drawn to each other. I could tell he was stunned by me. He gazed and I gazed for what seemed like eternity. I had to finally turn away. Before I could even check out of the line, he was at the café area waiting for me. Lucky for him, I sat down to have a snack. So he made his way over to me and began talking. I told him I only talked to him because he was wearing my color of the day—pink. That was my flirt line.
9. Keep it short & sweet!
To keep demand up, the supply must be scarce. Keep the sensual brush with human nature short and brief. No dragging it on or the rush to create an impromptu date. Not a good idea! You want to make your self be known and felt like a very nice and arresting breeze appearing out of nowhere, blankets you then moves on leaving an aromatic hint that leaves them dazzled and curious. Remember the butterfly rule.
10. Wrap it up!
Is there a difference between the gal/guy that asks you for her/his number or the one that gives you theirs? Well, I’ll let you figure that out. If there was a click then perhaps you two can meetup for a date. An event, or gathering or anything that is open and public would be a good start. You could even plan to meet at a library or coffee shop—someplace simple. And generally, if you both feel a need to exchange numbers, I would give a voice mail number, not a cell or home number. It’s just best to play the game in a detached way to once again obtain sustainable outcome, if not thing at all. A smile that includes eyes and body can go a long way.
11. Play of the Law of Attraction.
The law of attraction is a component of the game of flirting. And it derives from what appears to be a natural order. When you take flirting as a shift in the energy field of love vibrations, though for a fleeting moment, it can leave a mark that carries sustainable results. Every flirtatious moment can present conversations of possibilities: a moment to intermingle and connect with another projection of your self-portrait, lovers engaged in the stroke of the brush that gradually paints their most intimate and perpetual love bond.
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Editor: Sarah Winner
Photo: elephant archives
This should help:
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