How I went from dating a manipulative loser and pining over a disinterested sexy ski bum to marrying the most loving, intelligent, funny man alive.
The other night while working on a little crafty project I listened to Gala Darling read aloud from her book “Love and Sequins”.
Listening to her chapter on “Manifesting Magic” made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Now this might sound bit surprising because I can be a real cynic and I’m not shy about it. I find the super-duper positivity stuff to be rather annoying at times. Sometimes the blind optimism so rampant in the Western yoga communities irks me. It seems to lack authenticity or the intelligence of real honest reflection.
I also think that people who are totally obsessed and evangelical about The Secret are a little wacky because it’s all taken to such an extreme.
It’s important to realize that manifesting doesn’t mean just sitting on your couch saying, “I want a million dollars, I want a million dollars!” and expecting it to fall on your lap, which by the way, doesn’t work. That is just wishful thinking and it will leave you sadly disappointed.
But you know what does work?
Clarifying your intentions.
For me, Dr. Emoto’s work demonstrating the effects of words on the molecular structure and physical appearance of water crystals says it all. Our intentions, thoughts and emotions directly affect our physiology and our psychology. Given that our bodies contain large quantities of water, it’s only logical that just as single water molecule is transformed by the potent energy of a word like “Love,” so too are we.
Remembering this is an essential part of living a more conscious and happier life. Understanding this requires that you actually take responsibility for yourself, your emotions and your “stories.” It means you can’t just blame others for your problems because at the root of it all, they are your problems and you have the choice and ability to change them.
Gala wrote something that I totally jive with. She says “Manifesting means meeting the universe halfway.” This means you have to do some legit work for the magic to happen! You need to clearly align yourself with the values and qualities that you desire, do your best enacting out these things and then offer yourself up surrendering to grace.
In my experience, the universe gives you exactly what you ask for (positively or negatively, consciously or unconsciously) so it’s best to be careful.
Like attracts like—this is the law of attraction
Why not use that to your advantage?
Ask wisely. Be aware about your feelings and thoughts. Be clear and direct. Write a list of positive affirmations and read them aloud every day. This might feel a little silly as first, but there’s no harm in trying!
Your life might not visibly change overnight, but there’s no way you will be the same sad victim of your negativity if you start consciously thinking and saying positive things. This doesn’t mean that you will never-ever be sad again (that’s a myth of the cult of positivity, I’m afraid) because those challenging times are a part of the material condition and necessary for growth and transformation.
But, even when you are suffering, you will have tools to change your thoughts and alter your world if you’re brave enough to try.
Okay, so how does this relate to “finding love”?
Here’s a little story. In February of 2010, I broke up with (for the gazzillionth and final time) this pathetic, druggy and emotionally manipulative guy I had been dating for over two years. I distracted myself from the tension of this by pining over this other guy who I had been friends with for years and had not so secretly been crushing on for just as long. I spent a week with him in Telluride and it was all dreamy, but as soon as I was out of sight, I was totally out of mind for him. This made me feel tiny and sad. Basically I wasted a lot of psychic energy on these two guys.
An older woman friend of mine saw how diminished I was over my messy unfulfilling love life and so she gave me a little advice.
She told me to sit down and meditate and then write a list of everything I wanted in a partner. After writing it, I needed to tuck it away somewhere safe and forget about it.
This sounded a bit woo-woo, but I was feeling desperate so I gave it a go.
I knew I couldn’t be in a relationship right then (even if the sexy ski bum came around, I knew in my heart of hearts that it would be no good). I knew I needed to focus on myself first but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to put something out there for the future when I was in a more healthy and stable place.
I sat down, prayed for guidance and then wrote my list. I was specific but not in a superficial way. For example, I asked for someone with a deep spiritual practice and a conscious orientation towards health and healing, not a 6 foot 2″ blonde hunk with a six-pack.
I thought about all the qualities that I would love to see embodied in a man. I wrote about his intelligence, compassion, gentleness, balanced emotions, his kind eyes, his love of nature, his strength, groundedness, equanimity, maturity, sobriety, sense of adventure, humor and joyfulness. I wrote about our shared passions, our chemistry and how we would engage in fun activities and travel together.
I wrote two full pages in my journal describing my “dream partner” and then at the end, because I’m a sassy-pants, I wrote, “Okay Universe, show me what you got!”
I closed the pages of the book and kind of forgot about it. I was busy with school, meditating a lot, doing yoga and working though a lot of my personal “stuff,” the kind of stuff that comes to a head when you are living in an intensely spiritually qualified and high-pressure environment like the Crestone Healing Arts Center.
Three months later, much to my surprise, I found myself falling madly in love with one of my fellow students. I entered into the relationship with great trepidation. I couldn’t really believe that he was my “match” because on a materialistic level, he was unlike the kind of guy to whom I thought I would be attracted. Perhaps that’s because all the men in the past that I had been interested in had actually been lousy for me.
Despite my apprehension, the universe gave us clear signs and my heart led the way. Thank goodness!
A month later we decided that one day we would get married. Right around this time, I flipped through my journal from the spring and came across my epic list. I read over each qualification and was completely blown away.
My new partner matched every single one!
When I was writing out this list months before, I couldn’t have imagined that he was the one, but there it was, plain as day on the pages. I had manifested my match and found true love.
Sounds too magical to believe? Who knows? The world is a pretty magical place.
Give it a whirl and see what fantastic love, creativity, abundance and joy waltzes your way.
Editor: Kate Bartolotta
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. How to Love a Woman who Scares You. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. I Still Think of You. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. How My Sister’s Death Transformed my Self-Perception.