7 Easy Steps to Writing a Money-Making Positive Mind-Body-Spirit Blog that doesn’t actually Help Anyone (except Yourself!).

Via on Apr 24, 2013

spiritualconnection

With thanks to Amy Ippoliti and Taro Smith for the over-lunch brainstorm. ~ ed.

Rocking Buzzword Spirituality is as easy as filling out Mad Libs!

How to sell out for the greater good that is You!

be the change gandhiPut a fake Gandhi quote on it!

1. First, choose a number (any number, circle one):   1      2     3     4      5     6     7     8     9    10   11   12  108

2. Now, choose a 1) happy word or two (or three or four, just throw ‘em in there!)—or 2) an intense word that touches on suffering without actually going there—or 3) a trick word that makes people remember how fat/imperfect/sad they are while offering them hope of being like you pretend you are (circle one):   

smoothie    happiness    forgiveness    health benefits of green tea or green juice  letting go    ayurveda    cleanse    weight loss    emotional    recovering    gratitude    fat   women   heal    embrace   lemon    sexy   longevity   gluten-free    digestion    stress    sleep   passion    avocado    beautiful   diet   rules   spring / summer / winter /  fall    morning    inspiration   almond milk   manifesto   create   protein   freedom   grace   dreams   empowerment   love   heart    yoga   depression   anorexia   sexist   judgment   or any big word like “optimum” or “counter-intuitive”NewImage32

3. Now, include the word “Ways” or “Easy” or “Simple” or “Surprising” or “Help” or “Essential” or whatever.

4. Now, put that together in a simple title. Say, 7 Simple Ways Gratitude can Help You Lose Weight. See? Winner! Or, 3 Avocado Smoothies to help you Let Go into Optimum Health. Or, 10 Women who Embraced Love! Go for it.

5. Now, choose a non-offensive, bright, evocative, fun but general stock image, the more Pinteresty (ie, sparkles, instagrammy glow, arms extended into the air, summer dresses) the better. Note: smoothies must be in ball jars. When in doubt: photos of you or some gorgeous but not too-perfect 20 year old doing an easy (or show-offy, you can go either way) yoga pose on a beach with the sun shining behind them work for everything. Bonus: Laughing Fat Buddhas, parents laughing, children jumping in the air, hands holding one another …work every time.  smoothie

6. Now for the actual blog: just write some sound bytey bullshit employing the separating, distancing, generalizing word “you.” Warning: don’t be personal or authentic—you will get negative comments if you actually put yourself out there and try and help other people. That said, using the word “authentic” is highly recommended. Remember: whatever you write doesn’t matter. This is about marketing, not the next Great American Novel. Just include a few happy quotes by Gandhi/Hafiz/Rumi/Ekhart/Emerson in a big font, get your thesaurus out and go nuts. If that’s too complicated, just type “gratitude quote” in google. Boom.

6a: Bonus: start a youtube channel and put your face up close to a camera. Talk.

7. Make sure to end the blog with a big well-lit headshot of yourself laughing or smiling, or looking super-smart and serious (you can go either way: key is that it’s flattering) from five years ago. Your bio should combine charming faux modesty written by yourself in the third person and professional credential braggadocio along with at least one quote (“featured on ABC / Women’s Health / People Magazine”) about yourself taken out of context (i.e.: Vanity Fair called her “most popular wellness expert in the world.” Most important: your bio should be selling something: after all, that’s the point of all this! Your Costa Rica trip, your (expensive) cultish-empowerment life coaching spiritual program, your natural product or bodycare affiliate network. Include links to your Facebook Page and all that.

PS: something not clicking? Include a photo of a belly and a heart. Folks have huge issues with their bellies, and love to love love.

For more: 10 Easy Steps to becoming a Yoga Celebrity.

Pinned by Kathy Weinel Williams from http://wherebeautyrescues.tumblr.com
Pinned by Kathy Weinel Williams from http://wherebeautyrescues.tumblr.com

 

About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now elephantjournal.com & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | facebook.com/elephantjournal | twitter.com/elephantjournal | facebook.com/waylonhlewis | twitter.com/waylonlewis | Google+ For more: publisherelephantjournalcom

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12 Responses to “7 Easy Steps to Writing a Money-Making Positive Mind-Body-Spirit Blog that doesn’t actually Help Anyone (except Yourself!).”

  1. Why are you giving away your secrets Waylon?

    • elephantjournal says:

      Thumbs up! So I can make more money, Hipster Monk!

      For serious: That's the point! If humor can't apply to oneself it's not honest.

      This is all about intention, to use a popular buzzword. I don't mind folks making money doing what we love—money's important, making money doing what we love and believe in rocks! But first point has to be genuine.

      It's fine to use these tools as long as our motivation (ding) is to be of benefit, and we retain a sense of humor about ourselves. It's meant to be a loving send-up of what we all do. I offended myself! It is a criticism however of those of us who put money first. It's about intention, not actions. Just like the Yoga Celebrity piece, at bottom, which also includes some good practical tips.

  2. srlfrontrange says:

    It was a good read and additionally the commentary that followed was also good.

    Intention is everything!

  3. BennyB says:

    1.) Where can I sign up for said expensive cultish retreat?

    2.) I've printed all this off for my blog. Do you think the heart belly is better than the yoga pose pics? I don't want to over-do it!

    3.) It may be best overall to just make a form out with these instructions, it would be WAY helpful!

  4. I circled 3…did I get it right? It would be funnier if it wasn’t partly true…but everyone has a message, and we all need inspiration sometime so don’t shoot the messenger as they say.

    PS – Loved the article.

  5. Donovan says:

    One problem. The biggest illusion in life isn't that life is illusion. It's that you can make money by putting up a blog. You can't.

  6. MatBoy says:

    Well done Waylon! I have included your proposed method in my business plan. I'm now working on a merchandise tie-in, maybe selling sacred yoga mats or yoga action figures. Of course the largest market could be reached if I could get some advertising on Whole Foods cereal boxes. I'll keep you updated.

  7. Chris PM says:

    LOVE it! ….and I read this right after visiting (and quickly exiting) a few of those mind-body-spirit blogs, which made the wonderful sarcasm that much more poignant. I'm a newbie to Elephant, btw….glad to read the honesty here. :) (yes…that is a smiley face)

  8. Jules says:

    Great stuff, I love it. So simple yet incredibly useful. Sharing is caring and helping other people do something is the best way to succeed yourself!

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