May We Be Free.

Via on Jun 17, 2013

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Today, I tried to walk my melancholy heart away.

I walked to and from everywhere I went, no matter how far or how long it took.

My dog and I half ran on our walk along the lake, soaking up the sun, watching the water move and the birds fly.

I taught three classes and made time for my own practice; I edited nine articles, answered numerous emails, sent out submissions to be edited, and posted all over social media.

And the blues, this ache, this sadness, is still with me.

It’s the kind of pain that comes with diving deep into the depths of my body and my mind and unearthing treasures that have been hidden away; it’s the kind of grief that was sleeping deep in my bones.

This song (below) makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I hear all of the love and magic that exists on this planet—and I can hear the sorrow, death and despair, too.

It reminds me of my mother and the dream world I sometimes wish myself into, hoping that somehow, it will be so vivid that I can hear her laugh and feel the warmth of her touch.

It reminds me of warm summer nights, sitting with my family by candlelight, talking and laughing and drinking and smoking cigarettes and loving being in each other’s company, back before we knew that we were slowly killing ourselves.

It makes me want to run into a field and spin in circles and circles until I fall down, the breeze dancing on my skin, the sun kissing my face and my body electric with life.

Too much lately, I feel disappointed in human kind—it seems that we are neither. We are each man and woman for ourselves, and in our climb up the ladder, what we haven’t noticed is that we’re stepping on people on our reach for the stars.

It’s our moments of mindlessness (we all have them) in the “mindful” communities we so proudly preach about, where the truth isn’t really truth, because we’ve lost sight of what being honest actually means.

I am caught up in the memory of how my family used to love and there is also this excavation of the self which has uprooted a much deeper sense of not belonging.

I feel disjointed and disconnected from my heart, from who I am and what I’m doing in this world. I embrace my introverted nature and I am happy being alone—but the warm of these summer days and the bright dresses and smiling faces all around have me questioning myself and my place in the world.

I will play this song on repeat and I will make my dog laugh and my cats purr and I will sweat it out day after day, until I reach the very depths of where I need to go.

I know that this thing beating in my chest and the spark in my eyes has a place on this planet and that I have family wherever I go, because your home is where your heart is and we carry ours everywhere.

I know that there is no stopping once you’ve started the work; there is no turning back, no matter where the path leads. And although this place, this mind has once again darkened, something in me holds strong to my heart.

This is for all of the warriors of love who stand up for what they believe in and spread love and peace, to counter terror and fear; this is for the disheartened and broken-winged who worry that love won’t save the day.

This is for the misfits and oddballs and introverts who have the words dancing below the surface, waiting for just the right moment to breathe them into life.

This is for you.

Lie down, close your eyes and let this carry you away.

 

 

May we be happy, may we be healthy and may we be free.

 

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About Bryonie Wise

Bryonie’s life is rooted in the belief that when we come from a place of love, anything is possible. When not teaching yoga or writing her heart to the bone, she can be found frolicking in the sunshine with her camera and her dog, Winston, living her yoga. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

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22 Responses to “May We Be Free.”

  1. Jordan says:

    This is beautiful. I've felt a similar grief in my own body over the last year, and even if it's still here, knowing someone else feels it too makes the whole thing a little easier.

    Thank you for posting it.

    ***
    And I will say I love you/No distance could ever make that untrue/When I'm far away/I'll reach through time and space
    –Jewel

    • elephantjournal says:

      Thank you, Jordan…it's always nice to connect hearts and know that we aren't alone. I'm grateful for your words. ~ B.

  2. Justina says:

    I loved your post and I love the song!
    I am a peace warrior who sometimes gets stuck and wants to hide but I know that it's my ego so I embrace it; i acknowledge it and I move forward.. slowly and gently..
    Peace and love!

  3. Ohhh, thanks so much, lovely! You always know just what to say—because you say whatever is in your big, beautiful heart. <3

  4. This is just beautiful. Thank you.

  5. teacuptravelers says:

    This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you. https://www.facebook.com/teacuptravelers

  6. sionlidster says:

    Great post, I always feel like there's a time and place for melancholy feelings – a state to reflect, re-asses… music is a great soother. As the comment above suggests – it's about empathy. We all go through these times, and one of the reasons I love this site so much is because people aren't afraid to put themselves out there. Empathy lifts and you come out all the better at the end…

  7. Maija says:

    On a day I'd desperately like to turn back, this was just right. Thanks for breathing life into your words — maybe it will give us all courage to do the same.

  8. Dear God,
    In this one moment I recognize that there is within me a perfect Self:
    A Self that is not dysfunctional;
    A Self that is not weak but strong;
    That is not limited, but unlimited;
    That is not small, but huge;
    That is not in pain but in peace;
    That is not faithless and scared but all-knowing, all loving, and serene and calm, through the grace of God.
    I have been playing with the toys of death and weakness.
    I have been playing at sickness and playing at addiction.
    I have been playing at dysfunction and limitation and war.
    I have been playing at hunger and violation of myself and others.I have been playing with toys that are dangerous.
    But I desire to play the games of death no more.
    In this moment, I ask You, dear God, to release me from my destructive thinking.
    I take up now the mantle of Your magnificence.
    Through Your grace, dear God, I am good and innocent and strong and pure, for thus would You have me be.
    The love that emanates from Your mind to me, and from my mind to the minds of others, is a power so great. Within its embrace all negativity shall turn to good, all pain to peace, all fear to love.
    I invoke Your light.
    I receive Your heaven, which replaces hell.
    I do not look back.
    I do not stop my eyes at the veil of horror that surrounds the world, but rather I extend my vision to the possibilities for love for myself and others.
    I step out of my childhood, into my adulthood; out of my weaknesses, into my strengths; out of my fear, into my love; out of my small self, into You.
    Dear God, please make me new.
    Amen.

    - from Illuminata by Marianne Williamson

  9. Michelle Proudman says:

    Simply beautiful and so needed right now. Thank you

  10. hazel says:

    Beautiful x

  11. jsh822 says:

    Bryonie, your words always calm the flutters in my mind, relieve the tightness in my body and bring light to the darkest place in my soul. Maybe it's my introverted heart reaching out and thanking you. I don't even know if that's the fullest extent… but your writingis magical to me. And this song… this song is incredible. Thank you from the bottom of my soul. xo

  12. Susan says:

    This is beautiful. Thank you very much for this gift you have shared with us here.

  13. Marulé says:

    Thank you for the beautiful words and touching music…

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