5 Ways to Make a Woman Feel Really Loved.

Via on Oct 11, 2013

Photo via araujo.denise on Flickr Creative Commons

A response to Damien Bohler’s beautiful article, 5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Really Loved.

I saw a funny thing today on Facebook which said, “Men: If you ever wanna know what a woman’s mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2,857 tabs open. All. The. Time.” And while that crazy tendency to think, imagine, create, obsess, worry over a thousand things all at the same time can be true at many times of any given day in my own life, women are, I believe, actually quite simple to please at heart.

Ultimately, like Damien points out in the introduction to his own post, each of us are just another human being “wanting to know that I am safe, that I am appreciated and loved for who I am.”

I’ve still got plenty to learn myself on this tricky but magical but challenging but thrilling path of forging and maintaining relationships, but here’s what I’ve treasured most from the times I’ve been so fortunate to love and be loved.

1. Get Naked with Me

Not just in the literal sense (although that would also be fantastic!). I have loved most the men who have dared to be vulnerable—and I say ‘dared’ because I think to show yourself honestly is an act of tremendous courage and strength. We don’t all want or need infallible superheroes. I just want to see you for you and as you—the amazing stuff, bad stuff, silly stuff, strong stuff, embarrassing stuff.

This isn’t about prying into your private inner life, it’s about understanding what makes your heart soar (and helping to give you extra big wings for it) and discovering what it really is that has birthed all those other things in and about you that I’ve fallen in love with.

Talk to me, share with me what you’re excited about, get mad and frustrated if I don’t understand or agree sometimes, don’t be afraid to be excited about something in front of me, let your face spontaneously contort into a million different expressions without trying to mask it into a placid something that you think I’d want to see. Just be you.

 2. Tell Me I’m Beautiful

And no, this isn’t about reassuring me that “my bum doesn’t look big in this dress” or telling me my new haircut looks great. I am glad when you tell me that I’m beautiful, but really, I love it more than you appreciate the things that have nothing to do with what I look like—my passion, my weird interests, my friendships, my wounds, my histories, my triumphs.

I feel most loved when you tell me that I’m beautiful when I know I’m at my most unkempt; when I’ve been so deeply engrossed in whatever I’m doing, loving, creating, living that I haven’t even realized that there’s now ink all over my face and my hair needs a wash.

More often than not, I have fallen in love with you for so much more than your beautiful face—your energy, your talent, your humor, your many quirks, the cheeky glint in your eye, your passions, the way you light up when you’re extolling the virtues of deep-fried foods. I hope more than ever that I have captured your heart in the same way.

If I have, please let me know; this is what will make me feel my most beautiful.

3. Let Me Know I’m Part of Your Life

Us girls love to talk, but this isn’t just about long conversations. Stay in touch with me and let me know that I am a part of your life, not just someone you meet up with for dinner and a sleepover. Remember the things I care about and bring these aspects into the time you do spend with me.

This could be something as simple as knowing that I like nature and taking me for a walk in the woods. Send me a little unexpected text message in the middle of the day to say hello. Pluck me a wildflower just because. Take note of a cool quote from my favourite author that you just stumbled upon and email it to me. Remember that I had an important meeting this morning and ask me about it when you see me.

Let me know that even if we don’t have long conversations, the things that I do tell you stick and are important for you because they’re important to me.

4. Let Me Cry

Because I will panic sometimes. I will cry. I will sink into a dark, depressing, heavy place. Things will upset me more than they should and I may fall apart. Please don’t belittle the hurt or tell me that I’m just being silly or that “it’s not that bad”. I just want someone to hold me, kiss the tears from my eyes, stroke my hair, listen to my anxieties and tell me that I will be okay.

Even if you don’t know how it’s going to be okay, even if you don’t really know what I’m so sad about, just hold me, breathe into the pain with me, tell me that you will love me through this. Sing me a song, make me a sandwich, help me to fall asleep again—let me know that it’s okay to be where I am now but also reassure me that you believe in me and my strength to pull through this.

Please understand that I will be okay and I will get through this. I am not expecting you to fix things for me but it makes a world of difference for me just to know that you understand I’m hurting, that you’re letting me be in this place for a while and that you’ll still be there when I come out.

5. Leave the Door to Your Cave a Little Ajar

I know that sometimes, when the world gets too big and heavy and difficult, you too would like to withdraw and go into a quiet place all alone. I understand that and I respect it and will love you through all the time that you’re there. I ask only that you leave the door to the cave a little ajar, just so I can come in sometimes just to be with you and see your lovely face.

I won’t tread heavily or make a sound. We don’t need to utter a word to each other. Just let me know that you know that I’m there, that you haven’t forgotten and that you know I’m always just outside the cave entrance, not far away, if only for a cuddle or a bowl of ice cream or a big long hearty talk if you want it.

Care for me in turn by not pushing me away. Love me just by knowing and acknowledging—if only by a silent gaze—that I am here for you, I love you, I care for you.

Like elephant love on Facebook.

Ed: Bryonie Wise

{Photo via araujo.denise on Flickr Creative Commons}

About Jamie Khoo

Jamie Khoo is a writer from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and is passionate about alphabets, sugar and the wondrous conversations that arise over mugs of tea. Someone once told her that the “best” thing about her was that “she was not stunning” which has since spurred her on to explore all kinds of issues related to beauty, body-image, self-confidence, self-empowerment, self-love and peace in her writing. Find more of her musings on her blog, The Effortless Beautyor connect to her on Facebook.

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9 Responses to “5 Ways to Make a Woman Feel Really Loved.”

  1. Margaret says:

    These days, it is very hard to find someone who really loves you for who you are…..most people…and I must admit and confess I am one of them……..that we all see people with a tinted glass and a reflection of ourselves.

    If you can find that special someone……(and yes, no one will match our own selves exactly), make each day as if it is the first day you meet each other, be honest, be loving, be forgiving, be accepting and be creative…..

    Love your partner the way you want to be loved!

  2. Kiersten says:

    Love this – and it's so right. Exactly!

  3. Monkey says:

    Hey Jamie just saw this.
    Thank you for writing this follow up… I love it! And I love how the worlds intertwine. that the ways we experience love as man and woman often tend to complement each other so perfectly when we step into our authentic selves and live in the way we are guided to from within.
    When we drop trying to do what we think the other person wants and instead come from the place deep inside that speaks to what we really want.

    Thanks Jamie, made my day!

  4. Terrill_D says:

    I really enjoyed this article… I enjoyed all of what was said and believe it rings true for women who are dating or in committed relationships. I do think however, that it differs slightly for those of us who are co-parenting, cohabiting, or married and raising children. I'd love to see another article that deals with the different ways we can make each other feel loved after years and years of already loving one another.

  5. David B says:

    Jamie…you're stunning.

  6. Amy says:

    Terrific article. Good advice. No woman wants a “perfect man.” I admire a man that can bare his soul and not worry about his “flaws”. Acceptance and appreciation are very important. #1 way to show a woman you love her…offer help or assistance in any form. Be a team player. Life is full of obligations. An offer of help shows that you would like her to have some free time to spend with you and that you care about her well-being. She will welcome you with open arms. Guaranteed!

  7. Jason L. says:

    Thank you for putting everything my wife has told me down on paper…each of the items are issues in our marriage and now lead to our separation. I have blocked many of these actions out. The feelings are there but I’m obsessed over my own thoughts feelings and pride for so long…the wall I’ve built refuses to tumble and she is tired of trying to climb over. Your words are verbatim of my wife.

    I have failed her…i hope there is another chance to right the wrong…tear down the wall.

    She’s the one I want…here’s to hope, faith and a redhead’s will to stay through the past 6 years waiting for this vision.

    I asked her to summarize what it is I need to fix…it’s now in my phone for daily reading.

    “Verbalize your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. Verbally express love care and concern for others on a daily basis.”

    Thank you,

    J

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