How to Lose the Woman You Love For Good.

Via on Feb 11, 2014


“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.” ~ Pablo Picasso

Picasso’s artistic style changed over periods of time that could be marked by the phases of his heart. His blue/green period arrived after the suicidal death of his friend Carlos Casagemas, while his rose period gave birth along with his love for bohemian artist Fernande Olivier. We’re all artists when it comes to creating our own life, and while we know that love is the greatest gift we can give, and the greatest gift to receive, keeping love alive in the midst of time’s inevitable wear and tear is the real art we need to master. A woman’s love won’t let go easily once your face has embedded itself inside her heart—and because of this, her loyalty can last far longer than it realistically should. We’ve all seen this as we shake our heads and silently wish a female friend would just dump the bloke once and for all.

And while most women won’t let go easily or without great effort to save your sinking ship, there are a few ways to lose the woman you love forever.

1. Stop doing the little things like holding her hand and looking into her eyes.

Women fall in love over the little things.

Movies may lead us to believe that grand gestures are the way into a woman’s heart, but it’s the little things you do that sink a hook deep into her psyche. Holding her hand for no reason and looking into her eyes when you talk to her activates feelings of her mattering to you. Touching her hair, letting distractions pass when she’s talking, and kissing her goodbye are the golden moments she lingers over in her mind’s eye when you’re away.

We all know the quickest way to kill love is to take someone for granted, and the first thing to go when you wander down that dead end path are the little gestures. Lead her down this alley and you won’t be able to find her on your return out.

2. Don’t ask her questions or try to get to know her.

Let her beauty and what you think she can offer you drive your attention. Once she realizes you don’t really know her, understand where she’s been, or hold any of her secrets, she’ll realize she doesn’t matter to you and she will leave. For a short period of time, you might be able to hold her attention through flattery of her physical appearance, but women are smart and they’ll eventually sense the emptiness of your connection. While knowing that you are attracted to her beauty is important, your focus on her appearance throws you back into the pack of the many others she encounters in her world that mean nothing to her heart.

3. Don’t listen to her when she talks to you or even better yet, interrupt when she’s sharing her heart with corrections to her thinking and answers for her problems.

Women solve problems and soothe their own stress by talking to someone that will listen. If you don’t hear her out, she will talk faster and faster repeating herself over and over again, getting louder and more emotional until she just finally stops trying. At that point, the sound of her silence will let you know that while she may still be sitting in front of you, her permanent exit is looming.

4. Don’t allow her to feel safe and relax into your love.

Get defensive when she questions you and refuse to accept that women step closer by testing the water.

When a woman is falling deeper into love with you she will push back a bit, test you and question your actions, words and motives to see if you’re the real deal. Whether you’ve been together for a month or for decades, this testing never stops. A man who has the ability to keep his woman, lets these tests and these questions roll off his back, calmly knowing they have nothing to do with him and everything to do with his woman stepping closer.

5. Take everything as an attack on your character and meet your woman with defensiveness and anger.

We’ve all been hurt, we all have fears and we all have tender spots that need extra TLC, but if you haven’t healed your past pain, you will be like a newly formed blister overly tender to every brush of contact. Ignore your own issues and instead react to everything she might say or do with gusto as though it were a personal attack planned to orchestrate an insulting demise on your manhood, and soon your pain will be spared forever.

6. Don’t make her special or allow her to relax into knowing she’s your woman.

Keep your options open through regular flirtations and intimate sharing with other females and remember to hold nothing but sex special between the two of you. Intimacy literally translates as: into you I see. By keeping the doorway open to many others through Facebook flirts and cute little text, you’ll ensure that there’s nothing special between the two of you other than sex.

Over time, she’ll slowly fade into the same creamy vanilla flavor of your many other intimate connections.

7. Make sex your be all- end all- expression of love.

Stop kissing her for no reason other than to initiate sex so when you do kiss her, if she’s not feeling in the mood for sex, she won’t respond. Don’t caress her outside of the bedroom, and don’t flirt with her or seduce her throughout the day like you used to, but always expect her to respond to you as passionately as ever.

8. Stop joking and making her laugh.  

Humor is the glue that keeps couples together and happy for the long haul. Start taking yourself really seriously so that every joke is a personal dig and ignore the little things that might make you both laugh by not being present in the moment with her.

Let yourself be preoccupied by what’s really important in your world and ignore the silly little things you used to laugh about. Over time, she will give you the room you thought you wanted when you were just too busy to play.

9. Check out when you’re with her by using your phone constantly.

Remember that your time and attention are far more important than hers and trust that she doesn’t have anything better to do than sit across from you at the table and watch you check your phone. Keep in mind that the calls, text and emails she lets sit on the back burner while she’s with you aren’t really as important as yours, and know that over time, she’ll give you all the space you need with your mobile device—permanently.

In many ancient traditions, the number nine is considered to represent completion so I’ll stop here. Like artwork, there comes a time to stop thinking about what you want to create and instead start creating. Unfortunately, too many of us make a brief effort and then go on auto pilot forgetting that it takes consistent practice to master the art of love; yet when we do make the effort, we create a masterpiece that never grows boring to look at.

Bonus: How to have a fun, sexy, heartfelt, genuine, mutual experience when making love:


Kinda sorta Relephant reads:

Before I lose you, I would like to see you again and again.

Also by Tamara:

Clear Clutter & Change Your Life. ~ Tamara Star


Online Dating Advice for Men. ~ with Love, Women Everywhere

How to Love a Strong & Complicated Woman.

8 Tips How to Love a Woman, From A Woman.

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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About Tamara Star

Tamara Star believes happiness is not an end destination, but instead the ability to see the ordinary through eyes of wonder. If you let her, she'll show you how to take the life you're living and turn it into a life you'll love. Want more free scoop? Click here to subscribe to her mailing list. She's an international best selling author, life coach, and the creator of the original 40-day Personal reboot program for women--a 6 week virtual deep dive into clearing the slate on what's blocking you from living a life you love. Registration is open NOW here. Tamara's global reach inspires women around the world through her programs, newsletters and teachings; and her work regularly appears on The Huffington Post, MindBodyGreen, The Good Men Project, The Elephant Journal, and Positively Positive. She's also been featured on SiriusXM radio, Good Morning America, former Oprah producer LeGrande Green's GetBOLD radio, Dr. Brenda Wade's GoodLove Radio, Daybreak USA and New Australia. Connect with Tamara on her websiteFacebook or Twitter. Tamara's work had been featured on The Huffington Post, MindBodyGreen, Positively Positive, The Australia, Blog Her, The Good Men Project, Yoga Mint, The Elephant Journal, Twine Magazine, Eat, Drink, Explore Radio, DaybreakUSA, SiriusXM radio, Boulder Life, former Oprah producer LeGrande Green's GETBOLD radio, Dr. Brenda Wade's GoodLove radio, and Yoga Anonymous.


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125 Responses to “How to Lose the Woman You Love For Good.”

  1. John says:

    Should be titled How to Lose Your Partner. This is exactly how my ex lost me. Damn sad too.

  2. David says:

    #5 is invalidated if she's a natural instigator, and plenty of women are.

  3. Tea says:

    I left man that was constantly doing many of the things listed. Trust me but people don't change. Staying with such a person will only make you feel bad about yourself and probubly later wishing you had balls to end it and give chance someone special to meet….

  4. @Powrtolove says:

    ". . . it takes consistent practice to master the art of love . . ." Yes indeed. Great article.

  5. John says:

    Thanks for the article, but it isn't necessary. Why go through all that work? I prefer to lose women by not asking them out in the first place. It saves a lot of time, effort and money.

  6. Eljay says:

    I’d add to the list…stop when she asks you to stop…be it yelling, tickling, teasing, making cracks about her friends…It’s called respect.

    It breeds fear and mistrust…if she doesn’t feel safe, she doesn’t feel loved.

  7. Jennifer says:

    How come all the male comments are so hostile? Doesn't that say more than the content of any of their counter arguments? :/ I really don't see, and will never see, how any of the points in this article are demanding too much? I have plenty of girlfriends who's partners do all of this.

  8. Julia says:

    Thank you for this. I read it at a perfect time. He lost me for several of the reasons you stated.

  9. Kristine says:

    #2’s my pet peeve

  10. SonofItto says:

    I think male comments are hostile because the perspective of this article is not there own for the most part. I admit to finding it slightly frustrating to read.

    As an example, number 3….Men are naturally problem solvers and if another Man approaches you with a problem you instinctively understand that he respects your opinion and needs to hear it. Though it may not be what your Woman is asking for, an attempt to solve the problem is simply a well intentioned attempt to help. In this instance, as with several others in this article, the problem doesn’t lie with the Man but rather the fundamental differences between the way Men and Woman process the World. As often as a Man should learn to shut up, a Woman should also learn that granting his opinion on their problem an audience will make him feel useful and appreciated.

  11. Andy says:

    As a man I have no idea why some other males’ comments might be hostile. It all sound pretty sensible to me. It’s about respecting the other person. And it also applies equally the other way to women.

    You could change the title of the article to How To Lose The Man You Love For Good, and change all the words “her” to “him” and “woman ” to “man”, and it would make just as much sense and be just as relevant for women in how not to lose men.

  12. jack says:

    Is this really the nature of females in relationships? The second sentence below is depressing:

    “When a woman is falling deeper into love with you she will push back a bit, test you and question your actions, words and motives to see if you’re the real deal. Whether you’ve been together for a month or for decades, this testing never stops. A man who has the ability to keep his woman, lets these tests and these questions roll off his back, calmly knowing they have nothing to do with him and everything to do with his woman stepping closer.”

    Really, it sounds like women NEVER trust their men? Would it be OK for a man to repeatedly “test” his woman or do some other horrible behavior repeatedly that demonstrates distrust? Would women let repeated horrible behavior roll off their backs? Maybe this is why the divorce rate is so high.

  13. Jack says:

    The second sentence below is depressing:

    "When a woman is falling deeper into love with you she will push back a bit, test you and question your actions, words and motives to see if you’re the real deal. Whether you’ve been together for a month or for decades, this testing never stops. A man who has the ability to keep his woman, lets these tests and these questions roll off his back, calmly knowing they have nothing to do with him and everything to do with his woman stepping closer."

    If the second sentence above is true, it shows that women will continually distrust men in a relationship. What if a man repeatedly tested a woman or otherwise continually is y the divorce rate is so high?

  14. Daniel says:

    all those reasons are valid. Woman that love their man with passion, loyalty and total aure der to the relationship are gift from G-d , and a man should show his gratitude for such gift.

  15. Thloki says:

    Great article, not good to linger too long. #6 especially resonates with me. Nothing special, that is why I left my last relationship.

  16. Taylor says:

    There is absolutely NO reason for any of this article to be gender-specific.

    Equality will never blossom whilst the designated “roles” of men and women in relationships are predetermined by such silly stereotypes.

    People should avoid doing these things in general.

    Yours sincerely,

    Someone with a unisex name who wishes not to disclose gender ;)

  17. YouKnowWho says:

    Yes Elli..I agree….. i think this isn't even worthy of ridicule.. It is simply the most ridiculous luciferion induction and a mockery of something less impressive.

  18. guest says:

    Couldn't be more true! Don't forget to add: Never compliment her or remind her why you fell in love with her, or of any of the things that make her unique and special. Instead nit-pick all the things you dislike about her and guarantee that she will not feel loved.

  19. Nevermind that says:

    Please disregard my previous comments. they weren’t placed intentionally. This an interesting article.

  20. Chris Johnston says:

    Don't agree. It's off by a long shot.

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