How to Lose the Woman You Love For Good.

Via on Feb 11, 2014

medium_7737087276

“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.”

~ Pablo Picasso

Picasso’s artistic style changed over periods of time that could be marked by the phases of his heart. His blue/green period arrived after the suicidal death of his friend Carlos Casagemas, while his rose period gave birth along with his love for bohemian artist Fernande Olivier.

We’re all artists when it comes to creating our own life, and while we know that love is the greatest gift we can give, and the greatest gift to receive, keeping love alive in the midst of time’s inevitable wear and tear is the real art we need to master.

A woman’s love won’t let go easily once your face has embedded itself inside her heart, and because of this, her loyalty can last far longer than it realistically should. We’ve all seen this as we shake our heads and silently wish a female friend would just dump the bloke once and for all.

And while most women won’t let go easily or without great effort to save your sinking ship, there are a few ways to lose the woman you love forever.

1. Stop doing the little things like holding her hand and looking into her eyes.

Women fall in love over the little things.

Movies may lead us to believe that grand gestures are the way into a woman’s heart, but it’s the little things you do that sink a hook deep into her psyche. Holding her hand for no reason and looking into her eyes when you talk to her activates feelings of her mattering to you. Touching her hair, letting distractions pass when she’s talking, and kissing her goodbye are the golden moments she lingers over in her mind’s eye when you’re away.

We all know the quickest way to kill love is to take someone for granted, and the first thing to go when you wander down that dead end path are the little gestures. Lead her down this alley and you won’t be able to find her on your return out.

2. Don’t ask her questions or try to get to know her.

Let her beauty and what you think she can offer you drive your attention. Once she realizes you don’t really know her, understand where she’s been, or hold any of her secrets, she’ll realize she doesn’t matter to you and she will leave. For a short period of time, you might be able to hold her attention through flattery of her physical appearance, but women are smart and they’ll eventually sense the emptiness of your connection. While knowing that you are attracted to her beauty is important, your focus on her appearance throws you back into the pack of the many others she encounters in her world that mean nothing to her heart.

3. Don’t listen to her when she talks to you or even better yet, interrupt when she’s sharing her heart with corrections to her thinking and answers for her problems.

Women solve problems and soothe their own stress by talking to someone that will listen. If you don’t hear her out, she will talk faster and faster repeating herself over and over again, getting louder and more emotional until she just finally stops trying. At that point, the sound of her silence will let you know that while she may still be sitting in front of you, her permanent exit is looming.

4. Don’t allow her to feel safe and relax into your love.

Get defensive when she questions you and refuse to accept that women step closer by testing the water.

When a woman is falling deeper into love with you she will push back a bit, test you and question your actions, words and motives to see if you’re the real deal. Whether you’ve been together for a month or for decades, this testing never stops. A man who has the ability to keep his woman, lets these tests and these questions roll off his back, calmly knowing they have nothing to do with him and everything to do with his woman stepping closer.

5. Take everything as an attack on your character and meet your woman with defensiveness and anger.

We’ve all been hurt, we all have fears and we all have tender spots that need extra TLC, but if you haven’t healed your past pain, you will be like a newly formed blister overly tender to every brush of contact. Ignore your own issues and instead react to everything she might say or do with gusto as though it were a personal attack planned to orchestrate an insulting demise on your manhood, and soon your pain will be spared forever.

6. Don’t make her special or allow her to relax into knowing she’s your woman.

Keep your options open through regular flirtations and intimate sharing with other females and remember to hold nothing but sex special between the two of you. Intimacy literally translates as: into you I see. By keeping the doorway open to many others through Facebook flirts and cute little text, you’ll ensure that there’s nothing special between the two of you other than sex.

Over time, she’ll slowly fade into the same creamy vanilla flavor of your many other intimate connections.

7. Make sex your be all- end all- expression of love.

Stop kissing her for no reason other than to initiate sex so when you do kiss her, if she’s not feeling in the mood for sex, she won’t respond. Don’t caress her outside of the bedroom, and don’t flirt with her or seduce her throughout the day like you used to, but always expect her to respond to you as passionately as ever.

8. Stop joking and making her laugh.  

Humor is the glue that keeps couples together and happy for the long haul. Start taking yourself really seriously so that every joke is a personal dig and ignore the little things that might make you both laugh by not being present in the moment with her.

Let yourself be preoccupied by what’s really important in your world and ignore the silly little things you used to laugh about. Over time, she will give you the room you thought you wanted when you were just too busy to play.

9. Check out when you’re with her by using your phone constantly.

Remember that your time and attention are far more important than hers and trust that she doesn’t have anything better to do then sit across from you at the table and watch you check your phone. Keep in mind that the calls, text and emails she lets sit on the back burner while she’s with you aren’t really as important as yours, and know that over time, she’ll give you all the space you need with your mobile device—permanently.

In many ancient traditions, the number nine is considered to represent completion so I’ll stop here.

Like artwork, there comes a time to stop thinking about what you want to create and instead start creating. Unfortunately, too many of us make a brief effort and then go on auto pilot forgetting that it takes consistent practice to master the art of love; yet when we do make the effort, we create a masterpiece that never grows boring to look at.

Relephant reads:

Online Dating Advice for Men. ~ with Love, Women Everywhere

How to Love a Strong & Complicated Woman.

8 Tips How to Love a Woman, From A Woman.

Love elephant and want to go steady?

Sign up for our (curated) daily and weekly newsletters!

Editor: Cat Beekmans

Photo: liquidnight via photopin cc

About Tamara Star

Tamara Star believes we are meant to be happy. She makes her living as a life coach, healer, speaker, writer, yogi and business woman. If you let her, she'll transform the life you're living, into a life you'll love.    Her global reach inspires over 1.2 million people a month through her programs, newsletters and teachings in 20 countries.    Connect with Tamara on her site Facebook or Twitter.    Tamara's work had been featured on The Huffington Post, The News.com Australia, Blog Her, The Good Men Project, Yoga Mint, The Elephant Journal, Twine Magazine, Eat, Drink, Explore Radio, Think Simple Now, Boulder Life and Yoga Anonymous.  Do you want to take your life to an even higher and happier level? Her Fresh Start guide is an in-depth deep dive into removing what blocks love, money, health, happiness and joy in your life. Find the description here.

139,472 views

Like this article? Leave a tip!

(We use PayPal but you don't need an account with PayPal.)

Elephriends - Mindful Affiliates

23 Responses to “How to Lose the Woman You Love For Good.”

  1. S(t)ri says:

    Awesome post!

  2. Star says:

    You have obviously missed the entire point of the article. And it's obvious who has written this.

  3. annarose86 says:

    My boyfriend of a year and I have been going through a really rough time, and this article says everything I've been saying, writing, crying, screaming to him to hear in such a perfect, eloquent way. Will be printing this out and requesting he read it when i see him this weekend. Thank you for making me feel validated and giving voice to overwhelming feelings

    • Liz says:

      I understand what you mean. My boyfriend and I are in the same predicament. It's unfortunate that men and women speak different languages because it can be so difficult to understand each other. It's even worse when you truly love that person because the hurt just magnifies. I'll be giving this to him as well. I hope we are able to work through this. I'm a Pisces and he is an Aquarius so our communication is blocked to begin with. Good luck, I hope you're able to work through things.

  4. judy says:

    "A woman’s love won’t let go easily once your face has embedded itself inside her heart, and because of this, her loyalty can last far longer than it realistically should. We’ve all seen this as we shake our heads and silently wish a female friend would just dump the bloke once and for all."

    I very much agree with all that you have written. The above however, should have a picture of me beside it. I have stayed in relationships far longer than I realistically should have. Thanks for writing!!

  5. Kay says:

    Yes! I totally agree with everything (seriously, everything!) you said here, and so many of my relationships have ended up like this, and of course I leave! I need to feel special, and I’ve never been able to articulate what the problems are in my relationships as well as you just have. I’m so glad you wrote this, and let’s hope lots of men read this lol :) bookmarking this :)

  6. Tamara says:

    So true. Major turn offs.

  7. @nosaprise says:

    This is a good post but I fully feel relationships are reciprocal and you get out what you put in. Saying that I think that this philosophy isn't exclusive to women, as a man I think it's important to maintain a emotional and physical connection with your partner as well as feeling safe and valued with in your relationship. Not only from my end but from her ends as well, rather then being the man trying to make her feel this or that you should be a couple working toward a commonality as a team a unit. My two cents thank you for the piece it was very insightful.

    • Lizzie says:

      I actually would live to see an equally thoughtful and serious article from a man’s perspective. You are right that women have just as much responsibility in keeping a relationship healthy. It would be refreshing to see what things we can do other than the 84,000 articles floating on the interwebs telling us women to basically “shut up, give our bodies to them 24/7 and don’t expect anything emotionally”. I know there are men that care about little else, just as there are women that are equally shallow. But the men who have more substance deserve a voice and the women who care would love to know. At least speaking for myself!

    • Alex says:

      yes totally agree however on our side of the fence ( myself included in the past ) I bend over backwards for a man and once they know you are hooked they stop doing anything they were doing to get your attention and when you get upset they tell you " i'm not acting any different you're crazy! "

      Most of my past relationships have been like that. so far I am not allowing my current relationship to go that way. I've warned him that if he takes advantage of me I will be gone. I don't mind doing nice things but I expect to be treated well and be respected. So far so good we have had a few hiccups on both ends but always over very minor things that are quickly solved.

      My advice, don't fall in love right away, date your friends, and for the love of god don't think of each other as possessions because the moment you do, you are hurting that person.

  8. Rama Health says:

    Treat your women like a QUEEN… And you will get treated like a KING…

  9. Baruch Inbar says:

    While the content of this article is valuable, I find the way it’s presented SUPER arrogant and shallow. Why present such important subject from the NEGATIVE point of view? As a happily married man, I agree with all the points mentioned, but these are only 1% of what consists of true soul mates relationships, and there is much more to it. A spiritual bond is the real glue that brings two souls together and keeps them strong. If that is not present, nothing will hold it together.

  10. Brandon says:

    How to lose the man you love for good.

    1) When you're in a bad mood always talk about yourself ONLY in a meaningless and superfluous fashion. Remember you're just venting your frustration to him and using him as a emotional punching bag. Deny his attempts at solving any of your problems as "Not listening" or "Not getting it." This will injure and frustrate him beyond even his own comprehension since he will instinctual want to look for a solution to whatever problem you're having.

    2) Deny intimacy at all costs. Obviously you're gonna eventually want to get your own rocks off, but you should be like a rider leading a donkey in these situations. Once he feels pent up he'll be in a world of hurt because sexual release is a must for men. Freak out and act insecure if you catch him masturbating, that'll make things even worse. He'll feel trapped because he can't have sex with you and he can't even get himself off in peace.

    3) Freak out when he spends time with his guy friends. Making a man feel miserable is easy if you can make him feel isolated. If you're following step 2 he's already feeling denied most of the time when it comes it intimacy and sexual release. If you keep him away from his friends on top of that this will make him feel even more trapped and he'll start looking for an escape. Most likely his friends will even start nagging on him about you keeping him from them as well.

    4) Use double standards to your atvantage. Even though you should be smothering him and not letting him see anyone but you and his coworkers who he probably hates, YOU should spend as much time as you need and want with your girlfriends. After all WOMEN are emotional beings who need to socialize and express themselves, while men are stunted creatures who don't really need to interact with anyone or anything. You'll know you're spending enough time with your friends when he get's jealous or suspicious that you might be cheating on him; which is none of his business anyway.

    For fucks sake this is too easy. I could go on but I think you get my point. This article is written from the perspective of a Woman and I get it, but guess what. The human spectrum is a diverse one and for every bad man out there, there's a bad woman. We all suck just as bad as the next individual.

  11. Carl Blum says:

    Ah, I read his post last night when I was pretty drunk, it was shared on a friend's Faceybook page. I went off on #7, but rightfully so. I like this article, it's cute. But women need to know few things in return..
    1. Stop doing the little things like holding her hand and looking into her eyes. ~Learn to appreciate the little thing that Men do. While it may not seem like much to you, it was to him. Find out what he does do that he thinks is special, and then appreciate them, otherwise he Will Stop.
    2. Don’t ask her questions or try to get to know her. ~ Seriously… Sometimes we are NOT just that deep.
    3. Don’t listen to her when she talks to you or even better yet, interrupt when she’s sharing her heart with corrections to her thinking and answers for her problems. ~ Say Something, we will listen. If you want to be listened to, tell us the bottom line if 5 words or less, tell us that first, THEN go on and yack about the non important stuff. We Will Listen. Go Ahead, try it once, you may be surprised.
    4. Don’t allow her to feel safe and relax into your love. ~ Go Ahead play games, you will lose. If you plan on testing us, let us know when the test is, what it is about and how we can study for it.
    5. Take everything as an attack on your character and meet your woman with defensiveness and anger. ~ Quit bitching and just dump the guy. We are not going to change and obviously, you have picked the Wrong guy for you. He is NOT going to Change one thing for you, You are Not that special. Get used to it.
    6. Don’t make her special or allow her to relax into knowing she’s your woman. ~ Yup… So true…
    7. Make sex your be all- end all- expression of love. ~ Epic Failure by thinking we are going to do anything else. Seriously, take everything out of the equation, go back 20,000 years, living in caves, think about man back then, that is pretty much the way we still are. NO, that is the way we are, stop thinking we are going to be different.
    8. Stop joking and making her laugh. ~ We are guilty of this. I appreciated this statement sincerely.
    9. Check out when you’re with her by using your phone constantly. ~ True, both ways… Once again, dump him.

    So, I have angered Many but please take a moment to read this next statement. I am old, I am a real man. I have spent more time with women than you could possibly imagine. In singular form and in groups. Young Women, Old Women, (btw the dividing point is 30) I am a great observer, and because of a brain injury as a child, I have a hard time forgetting stuff. I have had the MOST intimate and personal conversations with women and most of the time, I hear about the "man" in her life or Lack of one. Women are more intelligent, yet they don't the know the most basic things, like… What they actually want in a man; That Men are Not going to change. Women communicate at a higher level than men, but you still have not figured out How to talk with a man.
    Women look for a purpose in life, Men look for sex. This is a funny statement to even look at, but so true in its nature.

    Good Luck Girls.

    • Jenn says:

      "7. Make sex your be all- end all- expression of love. ~ Epic Failure by thinking we are going to do anything else. Seriously, take everything out of the equation, go back 20,000 years, living in caves, think about man back then, that is pretty much the way we still are. NO, that is the way we are, stop thinking we are going to be different. "

      Did evolution skip you? All it suggests is being intimate other than when it is time to have sex.

      • Carl Blum says:

        Jenn, Evolution didn't skip any of us, That is the point I am making. Evolution takes about 60,000 cycles to effect a change. Maybe you are thinking more along the lines of social evolution, which is fine, that is the game we talk, but when it comes to nature, emotions, if you are looking for a man to supply with you a showing of love that involves kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc…. That is not going to happen. Men are built, to reproduce, its in our genes, we kiss a woman with the emotion that she wants, we will get aroused… What can't you get about that? So either we do it for sex, or we don't do it at all.

        • Lynette White says:

          Meet Rosie and the 5 sisters Carl and stop attempting to produce what you will not accept responsibility for! It is my opinion that you need to keep your "genes" on or learn to grow up and help with that which you took part in reproducing! You may even live longer spending time with Rosie and the 5 sisters for various reasons and will never have to give to anyone else back what you expect them to give you! Smart boy! Did you possibly learn all this wisdom of yours by experiences in online dating? LOL!

  12. Ben says:

    I agree with the article and enjoyed how your perspective in writing the way you did it, even though some of the situations and viewpoints were hard for me to swallow because I know that I have done many of those things in my life that I was not proud of but did learn from those mistakes. It was intriguing and thought provoking, more so from the male responses.

    Why is it that the saying “Treat me like a Queen and I’ll treat you as a King” always start with the women saying do this for me first then I will do it for you. You never hear the women say ‘I will treat you like a King and you will treat me like your Queen.’ (the terms king and queen still have a set structure of seniority of the women being less and the man being more). Why not say/do: ‘I will be my authentic self and love myself unconditionally and you will be your authentic self and love yourself unconditionally and we will become one when we are both in this state and if we are not in this state then we will not hold each other at any standards less than what we are currently at or desire.’

    Baruch, information can be presented in any way that serves a purpose and gets people into reading the full article. If it was much like the main stream media then I would not have even bothered reading the article nor decided to comment. I agree that a spiritual bond is significant but who is to determine that not all relationships are not spiritual? Are we not spiritual beings or souls inhabiting a physical expression of life and love? And how long is something supposed to last? Who determines when to move on or continue the course?

    Brandon, obviously you don’t understand women or yourself. Sexual release is NOT a must for men. Let’s take a look into what sexual release entails. Whatever term you want to use for sexual release is not a physical thing as much as an emotional expression of that physical experience. Meaning, since everything starts with a thought, many thoughts leads to feelings (preprogrammed based upon past experiences), many feelings lead to certain actions based upon past results or desired outcomes. If there has been a serious look into not wanting to repeat the past. The Sexual release is the very LAST thing that happens in the sequence of anything sexual.

    You talk about denying intimacy. The only one that can deny you intimacy is yourself. You can only experience what you are. If you’re lonely and looking for a ‘hook-up’ then the act of looking will lead to more “acts of looking and experiences the not having of.” Also EVERYONE is emotional beings. It’s not just women. But they do show it more and we have a lot to learn from them.

    Carl, I agree with some of your thoughts but #3. They should not have to prep us to be them. We need to understand ourselves and how they are and not react. Listening, Responding and NOT trying to fix things are our responsibility. #4, really??? The best way to know you are being your authentic self is not to be prepped. They understand that. #5 You have hit the point I would like to make. You/I/We CANNOT change anyone. The whole point of a relationship/friendship is to be with them and not change them. Once you start to change how someone acts, behaves, does or doesn’t do what they used to do or what you want them to do than it’s time to move on. Ask yourself Why? What part of myself am I not wanting to face or become so I will blame and push it upon someone else for me to feel better about myself or the situation. It all starts with self.

    #7 We men are soo much more evolved than the cave man. Back then I bet the women were smarter and more advanced. Just because they could actually create a new form of life, us cave men could kill and grunt. Whopdee.

    Also Carl, anytime you have to explain who you are to anyone then you are setting yourself up for criticism and judgment. We all have a history and opinions. That doesn’t mean anything. What does is that you were open enough to express your opinion and be open to be judged and criticized. The act of closing out your response with classifying the women audience you are talking to are “girls” suggests that you think that the women is less than the male gender and in turn lessens my ability to respect your opinion and take it seriously.

    Annarose86 and Liz, what parts of yourselves are not being heard, expressed, loved? While it’s nice to feel validated, your man may not see the same as you do. Also you cannot make him read or do anything he doesn’t want you to do.

    Final note. Men do not look for sex any less or more than women do. It’s a perceptual observation based upon our own unique experiences. That’s all. We all are looking for purpose in life. We need to go inside of ourselves and change that part of us that we know we can control. Thank you for the creation of the article, the responses and to elephant journal for allowing me to express my opinion and having a place to bring great ideas into one location. I look forward to many more conversations and emotional expressions.

  13. Devika says:

    #10. Whatever you do, do not be there for her in times of need. If she is sick, grieving, etc, just do whatever it is that you feel like doing. Have a few beers. Do not communicate with her. Do not include her. If you follow this advice she will make sure you never have to be there again.

  14. Farah says:

    What a great article!

  15. sick and tired male says:

    none of this work.

Leave a Reply