Self-love is a term that is very popular at the moment.

Celebrities, social media posts and articles are full of declarations proclaiming the importance of loving one’s self.

It’s one of those things that sounds so positive and non-controversial that few would stop to ask themselves what it actually means.

I happen to be one of those who does question what it really means. Does it mean only focusing on the positive traits we possess and ignoring the negative? Does it mean never criticizing oneself? If it does, then I don’t think that I would be able to live up to that. Frankly, it sounds tiring and something that I couldn’t live up to even if I tried.

I don’t always love myself. There are times when I actually loathe myself, especially when my actions have caused pain to others when it never was my intention. Some days, in fact, I feel downright awful about myself and various decisions  I have made. I’m not always proud of the person I am.

Therefore, for me, self-love is not the following:

It isn’t absolution from responsibility.

It doesn’t mean always believing that I am right.

It isn’t feeling like we must love ourselves all the time.

It isn’t even always feeling satisfied with my appearance.

Instead, what self-love means is loving myself, while acknowledging all of the above. It means loving the very real, very flawed person that I am while trying to be a better person.

I may not always succeed, but I am making a conscious effort.

Likewise, I am trying to be more forgiving to those around me.

At its heart, self-love really isn’t just about us—it is about those around us as well, and perhaps that is the most important thing to take away the next time we encounter the words “self-love.”

And perhaps more importantly, real self-love takes time. It’s a journey with stops and detours along the way.

As someone who has been on that path for over 20 years, I can say firsthand it isn’t easy. However, there is something to be said for sticking on the path. It’s work, and hard work at that.

Still, no matter how long we are on it, and even if we never quite reach the end, it’s always worth it.

 

Relephant Read:

The Self-Love Myth.

 

Author: Kimberly Lo

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Suzana Dordea/Pixoto