Beware the Locust!

Via Blake Wilson
on Jul 15, 2010
get elephant's newsletter

Lessons I learned from a spiritual d-bag.

via ele twitter: “Consider yourself warned: The Way of the Douchisattva His target: The Spiritually Curious Female.”

Editor: “this is one of my favorite articles—a must-read for yoga women everywhere (and men, I guess). If you’ve ever met a sleazebag in sheep’s clothing (or a mala), read and consider sharing. Let this be a warning.”

Several years ago I had the honor of meeting a young man who had the art of seducing young women down to a science! I take that back…not science…religion.

His target: The Spiritually Curious Female.

His modus operandi was quite brilliant, actually! First, he would find a young woman using his favorite social media. At the time, he preferred MySpace but I suppose any outlet would do. He would search women for signs of a female spiritual wanderer and send them a message. It would usually say something like, “For some reason I was drawn to you so I thought I would just say ‘hello.’ I think you are a beautiful person. Namaste.” No friend request at this time! If she took the bait, she would respond and offer up her friendship. Flirty, spiritual banter would ensue.

And now here’s the key! He would start hanging out not just with her, but with her girl friends. Being so “spiritual” made him “safe.” And they would sleep together. And little would she know that he was making his way through her group of friends. Once he had conquered the group, he would move on.

This is why I call him The Locust!

I learned a lot from The Locust and now, I would like to share with you bits of his teaching.

Things to say and what they mean:

The Locust has some prepared phrases in his arsenal and was never afraid to use them. I never had the pleasure of hearing them come from his mandibles, err, mouth, but here are some phrases he shared with some lovely ladies and their translations.

We have a profound spiritual connection and I think we need to express it by making love. (Let’s do it.)

Let’s not label what we have! Labels are false and once we label our relationship, we try to shape it into our pre-conceived notions. (I don’t want to be your boyfriend so that I can do what I’m doing without technically doing anything wrong.)

I think that we should keep our spiritual exchanges to ourselves. Your friends just aren’t as advanced spiritually and don’t share the connection that you and I have. I would hate to create such dissidence within our group. (I want to be able to this to all of your friends so keep your trap shut.)

I have studied the Kama Sutra. (Let’s do it.)

Drugs totally open the door to spirituality. Take this. (Let’s get high and do it.)

I think it’s horrible the way that men have treated women in this society. In fact, women are so much stronger than men. In some ways, I envy you. (Introduce me to your friends so we can all do it.)

Things to do:

To keep from crossing thing line into straight-up douchebaggery, there are a few things you must keep in mind.

Do not beef up! Do some push-ups and keep your body fat way down but under no circumstances should you be beefy.

Be very effeminate. Sure, regular d-bags primp and wear lip gloss but you have got to be ashamed of being a man. This is key.

Buy tons of drugs and have them on stock.

Read the latest new-age book and be ready to quote it.

Keep a copy of the Kama Sutra next to your bed.

Purchase the Ten Essential Items.

Now I realize that sharing this information can be quite dangerous should it fall into the hands of some nefarious ne’er-do-weller! This technique is very, very powerful and as Spiderman’s Uncle said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

Relephant bonus:


About Blake Wilson

Blake is a law librarian and a member of the Kwan Um School of Zen, sitting with the Kansas Zen Center in Lawrence, Kansas. Blake is way into g33k culture which, as he sees it, easily includes Zen, and is willing to share with you his struggles and observations. You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, and


44 Responses to “Beware the Locust!”

  1. Well played! I knew one of these guys who used "womyn's spirituality" (whatever he meant by that) to get past the door. He was incredibly ham-fisted about it–like saying "I'm so beyond that" if you said "God bless you" when he sneezed–but it seemed to work for him, at least for a while.

  2. Lasara says:

    Blake, you know I love you, but the “d-bag” word is on my no-no list. Why? Because, if you look deep enough into it, it’s misogynist. Am I wrong?

    Aside from that; I totally know that guy. He’s a horse’s ass.

    Is the list at the end meant to be a How-To? It reads like one. Hmmmm.

  3. The Locust Mirror says:

    So um… I'm actually one of these guys. Well, I'm pretty sure I'd be characterized that way by most people anyway. I'd just like to remind ya'll not to hate the player. The problem is not with other people. Sure, point out wherever you see a lack of integrity (which I think is what you're doing here… I think) but it also sounds like you're pissed that his strategy works. So up your game. As for women, don't do anything you don't want to do. And learn from the stuff you did but didn't like. Peeps, that's what this ride thru relationships is all about, learning about yourself and Locust is doing that. He's not doing anything "wrong", he's just acquiring feedback. We can all learn from that. Peace.
    – The Locust Mirror

  4. Eric says:

    ~the photo and "d-sattva" made me laugh out loud!!

    attraction is attraction, but it all comes back to intention and sincerity. I see photos of Duncan Wong by his motorcycle and it's tempting to think, "THAT guy is getting some SERIOUS action…" (just based on appearances, I'm in NO way suggesting he's a Locust 🙂

    again, thanks for the chuckle!

  5. Tobye says:

    you’re talking about that tantric cooking guy that tries to “pack his lunch” into bright spandex shorts aren’t ya!

  6. Blake says:

    Well I believe that the history of this feminine hygiene product is degrading to women but in that way, it's kind of appropriate for such a creature. That being said, I would be happy to use another phrase. Any suggestions?

    And you know you're one of my favorites, Lasara!

  7. Blake says:

    Or Ogdan, the Inappropriate Yoga Guy!

  8. Charlotte says:

    It seems like this is what happens when someone learns a philosophy and understands it only intellectually. Buddhism and yoga are practices. They are based in philosophy, but knowing it is not enough. Committed practice demands that we look inside deeply enough that we see what motivates our actions. This is challenging because it requires that we … See Moreown ALL our pleasant and unpleasant qualities. It's the work of a lifetime.

    Perhaps we in the West have skipped over the hard work of the basic yamas and niyamas (or Buddhist precepts) too quickly to get to the more esoteric (and fun) practices. Yogins traditionally learned and practiced the yamas and niyamas first. I wonder if there would be less sexual predation in the "spiritual" world if we made the yamas and niyamas as important as the other limbs of yoga.

  9. swati jr* says:

    we all know a locust or ten. they might as well wear name tags. pretty easy to spot actually. and totally NOT attractive.

  10. Blake says:

    I agree with you 100%!

  11. Chris says:

    If a person is naive/desperate or indiscriminate enough to go for this ploy then of course a deceiver will appear. I would go further and say that a woman who goes for this type of guy is not ready for the real thing.

  12. Charlotte says:

    Oops. There's some weird code in the second to last sentence of my first paragraph. It should read: This is challenging because it requires that we see and own ALL our pleasant and unpleasant qualities.

  13. The Locust Mirror says:

    "Intention and sincerity". That's it right there. Transparency to myself (with integrity) and toward others (with respect).

  14. via

    Carolyn L
    Just a question… are we assuming here that women are easily seduced by talk of karma and yogini power and chakras? I'm curious what others think about what I kind of see as assumption in this piece.

    Christian M
    i agree with you carolyn, no reason to think any women is like this at all, but everybody is different, so nonetheless i have known guys like this and they are usually hugely successful as irritating as that is… i don't like it either… even tho i'm a guy..,

    Lola R
    ‎@Carolyn, I don't think it's just women, but as the author put it "spiritual wanderers." I have seen a version of this story happen time and time again, and it's not always men doing the seducing, but in large part it is because more men are in positions of power in our society, even in the spiritual community. I'd like to think a self-aware yogin … See Moreor yogini would be able to feel the insincerity and the red flags, but to take a broader view of things, sometimes a person like this comes along to push us further upon our own path of detaching from external validation (especially on the spiritual path).

    Carolyn L
    Christian– indeed, many of us have experienced these guys (and I have seen plenty of women use the same tactics as well). Heck… a douche is a douche.
    I think the danger is in folks thinking that from a few anecdotal instances of people (women AND men) being seduced via dishonest methods, that we then make a generalization about a particular sex. A further reminder of the importance of NOW, not the past and not the anticipated future.

    Christian M
    assuming that one is making a generalization about all women being like this is both an exaggeration and an assumption within itself… some are… just as some guys (but not all) are like this… just because the author chooses to write about this doesn't mean he is saying it is a general truth… it's a tongue and cheek article about a small fragment of society… it's not sexist.

    i think some could be so simple minded to see it as a generalization, and be so simple minded to think "women are like this" but i don't and i respect other readers to be as intelligent as myself and understand that it's not the norm for women…

    Adriana G
    I think it is true that some women are easily seduced by this type of guy, but not all. Any guy who tries to separate a woman from her friends and tells her to not discuss the "relationship," is waving a big red flag…

    Cathy W
    I had the unfortunate karma to meet a couple of snakes like this. They were senior student/teachers who gain your trust and use that trust for their own gain. I am without a sangha now because of this type of person. How can people who have practiced for 30 years still be so messed up?

    Carolyn L
    Good points, guys.

    It's always good to consider all angles of this and get people thinking.

    Christian M
    i think that's the point of the article, pointing out how some people use buddhist/spiritual practice for selfish personal gain, which of course is the exact opposite of the whole point…

    i think the author (half-joking) is just colouring this reality. It is offensive when a guy does that, very much so, but it does happen and it does say something about human nature…

    i think it's good because it makes us realize something that we normally would choose not to notice. … See More

    personally i think it's disgusting to use buddhist philosophy or spiritual practice solely to seduce women…

    the article is merely acknowledging something that exists, but i do not get the impression he is trying to make a general statement of truth about women… that's being very assuming…

  15. Carolyn L
    ‎@Christian– sometimes I feel there is an undercurrent in Western yoga practice that women- moreso than the men- are there to seek out truth, which then leads to another undercurrent that women are more "incomplete." Now, these are solely my observances. I wonder often how gender and sex plays into how we practice yoga and live yoga… so when I … See Moreread these pieces, it sparks something in me to dig deeper into assumptions that I have seen happen, in regards to why we practice.

    Again, these are just thoughts.

    Tara G
    I think the author nailed it in a humorous way. Too bad the article is now a training manual for a wanna be.

    Christian M
    ‎@Carolyn I think that's an interesting insight and would like to learn more about that perspective. Being a man, I think it could be enlightening. Thanks!

    Charlotte B
    It seems like this is what happens when someone learns a philosophy and understands it only intellectually. Buddhism and yoga are practices. They are based in philosophy, but knowing it is not enough. Committed practice demands that we look inside deeply enough that we see what motivates our actions. This is challenging because it requires that we own ALL our pleasant and unpleasant qualities. It's the work of a lifetime.

    Perhaps we in the West have skipped over the hard work of the basic yamas and niyamas (or Buddhist precepts) too quickly to get to the more esoteric (and fun) practices. Yogins traditionally learned and practiced the yamas and niyamas first. I wonder if there would be less sexual predation in the "spiritual" world if we made the yamas and niyamas as important as the other limbs of yoga.

    Christopher C
    if someone needs to be deceived then a deceiver will appear.
    Please remember to paste your comment over to the link itself, if so inspired, so folks can comment and share your two cents on our elephorum.

    Christian M
    the practice taken from yoga and meditation is a highly concentrated version of the practice that should be weaved, through each breath, into our world.

    Roger E
    do you suppose that even the Buddha had to "get off" now and again?

    Jennifer H
    Sticking up for Blake, he is a man thus that will play into his perspective and experience. He certainly wasn't insinuating that all women will fall into the seduction techniques of the locus. Across the board, regardless of gender, people generally trust other people with common interests more so than people who they cannot relate to. The locus… See More is simply leveraging that knowledge. Many times people only hear what they want to hear anyway. If someone is looking for superficial spirituality through random sexual encounters then they have some soul searching to do, regardless of what the locus says, believes, or leads on. These kind of encounters have a lot to say about both parties involved…

    Jonathan B
    Doesn't anyone else find it amazing that a guy who says 'namaste' gets any play at all? 😉
    ahahaha amen svaha namaste brother!

  16. buddalicious says:

    Hmmm….unless he verbally committed himself in a monogamist way…sounds like he was practicing nonattachment or free love to me. A zen buddhist poser! Oh and guys that say namaste get plenty of play so do girls. 😉

  17. LasaraAllen says:

    Love it! Those would be killer knuckle tats!

  18. LasaraAllen says:

    Mirror dude, if you are actually working with transparency and respect, you are not Locust dude.

  19. LasaraAllen says:

    I'm with you, too! (Read Why I Hate Tantra, by my fabulous Mr. – Robert Allen.… — relevant for sure.)

  20. LasaraAllen says:

    Instead of d-bag… it's so hard to say, because so many slurs are based on the hatred of some perfectly wonderful body part. I'll keep thinking tho.


  21. non-attached says:

    Thanks for this piece Blake. Made me laugh. I am someone who got schooled in the ways of the "spiritual predator" recently. Great teaching in how to come back to myself, and stop looking for the love in the guise of someone interested in mystical union of souls and non-attachment! Anyway, its all about us, isn't it, and our own ignorance and delusion…Namaste! lol

  22. Eric says:

    ~my meaning was more along the lines of: just because you can, doesn't mean you should. you might be creating some karma with unintentional consequences. even if you're both sincere about no strings attached.

    (wow. did you really pull out the "hate the player, not the game" cliche' ??? 🙂

  23. Eric says:

    oops! hate the game not the playa. either way, it's a cliche'

  24. Job says:

    What about the women who prey on the guys in yoga class. Their competitive urges come out when there are so few of us. And don't even get me started on the new spiritual women who are going through divorce or breakups and are certain they want a yogi now.

    Yet we get labelled as a locust. Surely a test of temptation and nonattachment.

  25. Hippie Pride says:

    Spot on Blake. We had those back in the day. Hippie posers who really exploited that scene like some are now doing in the eco/yoga/buddhist scene. Things don't change but we used to call them scum bags.

  26. […] Douchisattva, a.k.a, The Locust. You might already have these items in your closet and on your alter! Just remember that this […]

  27. […] from the risk of (gasp!) making a mistake. They want to appear spiritual at any cost. But they mistake the verbal trappings of spirituality for actual depth. They wear a fake halo of their own imagination—a halo made of […]

  28. […] probably. But I do watch porn, and fantasize sometimes. I do have a very deeply feeling girlfriend/boyfriend recently, but they still haven’t texted me back and I’ve looked at their Facebook Wall […]

  29. […] how to get girls via spirituality (and become evil in the process). *Warning: reading this link will wake you up and want to become a better human […]

  30. cheryl says:

    Pullleeeeze. Don’t bore us with this tripe. These yahoos are everywhere. Boring.

  31. […] these manipulated/perverted/unpure actions, manifest as weird ego/power games from these so-called spiritual men. It’s tricky with these guys, because they’ve got the whole lingo down—they know […]

  32. MauiGreg says:

    Ah, the "sacred sexual predator"! We have a "healer" out here who uses kinesiology (muscle-testing) on pretty young women to determine whether they were lovers in a past life. Of course he always determines that they were, and that now they should bridge lifetimes by making love again…
    I think as men, it is our responsibility to call out our brothers when we witness this behavior. When we let it slide we are condoning it. At best this behavior is slimey… at worst, it's completely predatory.

  33. Dave says:

    Isn't the female supposed to eat the locust post-coitus?

  34. Hazel says:

    I am getting a bit tired of all the judmental articles on here we are supposed to have compassion for everyone and the path they are on. Everyone has their dharma to play out in their own way. I had a relationship with a player for many years it was the most transformative thing that happened to me so far in my life and I am 47 by the way, this man who all my friends told me to keep away from who they said was bad taught me how to love myself a lesson i di not learn from my parents and he ended up falling in love with me too, yes men like this can fall in love we all can and for both of us the relationship taught us many lessons. This is what life is all about pain and joy dark and light etc etc. you want everyone to behave the same stick to behaviour rules who makes the rules? who has the right to do that ? we behave as we do because of the conditioning we have been through women who dont love themselves enough because they had a bad relationshiop with thier father you have to go back into that pain with another man until you learn to love yourself it is the most important thing, it might cause pain until the lesson is learned but it cant happen if men like this dont exist.

  35. Brooke says:

    Haha! I am sure one day these "locusts" will come across their female counterpart and learn a very valuable lesson as she rips their head off. 0:)

  36. Brooke says:

    So true, Hazel! Everything is a lesson and it seems to me that these "locusts" and the women who fall prey to them have a thing or two to learn from the experience. I think there are other ways to learn these lessons, though. I have been through so much pain in my short 29 years of life and I used to think that pain was just how we learned and I would have to continue to endure it to continue to grow…but the past few years I have learned that this is not always true. I think when we seek above everything else a relationship with the Divine and surrender to it, these lessons come without pain. I myself have found that I really didn't learn anything until I surrendered to the will of the Creator and leaned upon it's understanding instead of my own. And from that comes no pain, only joy.

  37. klaudia says:

    I agree with that we should take the bad experiences in our life and use them to empower our paths. But to the point of justifying their actions of this persons is not good… is call enabling and is very dangerous… Is not far from what women do when they have an abusive man in their lives or men have a female or homosexual couples and make excuses for them all the time, saying "They will change" or I love him / her . You might have become very lucky as the guy you say fell for you too. But even if that was the case, advising others to just embrace danger and look for it, I as former dominatrix call it masochism. Life have a great share of risk and danger without us getting on the line of fire, I had a life or tremendous hardships, and a few imbalanced relationships meaning I went through my " But I love him " Phase. if it wasn't for those experiences I wouldn't be able to develop the kin perception I have towards people and the great sense to select who I chose to surround myself with. But not because of the fact that I have learned a lot from my hard experiences more than the good ones I'll run to the middle of highways of dangerous unstable people waiting for them to guide me towards my next evolutionary stage with their spiritual dissociation. Because sister life doesn't work that way, hardships are the order of the day for everyone unless that person is on denial or just lives in a shielded castle and surrounded by pillows. Reading this article I believe A LOT of my female sisters need to read it and learn from it, because I know I might be one of those persons that is strong and very clear minded, but unfortunately people craves signs and spiritual magic and ethereal realities. And there is always those that can perceive that vulnerability and can and will exploit them.

  38. Slow says:

    Oh Christ almighty ~~ I am SO beyond that … ~~

  39. Thomas says:

    I guess there’s bad people in every group, even spiritual groups. But there’s a little whiff of “if you’re so spiritual, you wouldn’t be sexual” which I find off-putting. What’s wrong with sleeping with someone you’re attracted to, who wants to sleep with you? Maybe it’s suggested that this caricature’s spirituality is fake or less-than, which is also uncomfortable for me.

    I don’t like the picture of the Locust here, but I don’t like the shaming, judgmental critic of the Locust either. Why can’t we combine our sexuality with our spiritual practice and wrap it all up in live-and-let-live?

  40. Ryan says:

    A spiritualist is a person who talks to the deceased and channels those that have passed on. I don't think you were referring to someone who does that in your Facebook post. Otherwise, this form of spiritual fakery as a means of seducing someone is not so uncommon. Woman will do the same to men sometimes., under the guise of being a spiritual muse.

  41. Melina says:

    This reminds me of some of the odd attempts at seducing I have encountered. There was the older man at dance home who was eyeing me the whole time I danced. After the party was winding down he talked to me about "spiritual" subjects I was unfamiliar with to try and wow me. He spoke to me about the enneagram and told me which type he guessed I was, which interestingly was a very "sensual" type, just like him. 😉 Now was the opportunity to start trying to talk about "sensual" topics with me. Oh dear, I was naïve and listened until eventually he was saying how he was going home to listen to music with wine and inquired if I wanted to come. Yeah, I was not that naïve-I turned him down. I had another guy who was my childhood best friend's waldorf teacher ask me at dance home if I was over 18 (this was after my dad had introduced him to me so I didn't catch on at first that there was a reason he was asking me. I figured that since my dad introduced me to him that he wouldn't try and hit on me- think again). He then talked about how he loved sensual artwork and wanted to see my artwork. I said that would be cool and invited him over to see my art. Oops, he thought it was a date and my boyfriend showed up half way through. He brought his artwork that had naked women with hopes of painting me. I had a moment of realizing, oh, I am not that clued in. Whoops. Or the guy I talked to on Pearl street who started to talk to me about he loved to dance naked when I told him I liked to dance. He suggested that I try it with him. Needless to say, I didn't jump on the offer. Then there was that guy online that was a master seducer and I fell for him hard. I am trying to break the spell unsuccessfully. 😉 He has hoards of females that follow him online. But, I think he may have not gotten what he bargained for, he seems to have tender loving feelings for me unexpectedly (my guess).

  42. mdtexeira says:

    Hmmm…is the locust lying to himself I wonder. Is the locust authentic and connected to their desires, or are they hiding from something through sexual contact? I can easily imagine two entirely different people who might appear the same from the outside but nevertheless have entirely different motivations. Is having sex with a bunch of women in any way wrong? I would say no. Is using dishonest tactics in order to have sex with a bunch of women who all know each other wrong? I'm not sure. I don't think right and wrong are generally useful concepts in situations like this. On a very basic level, the locust is biologically and socially adept. I mean, how many men DON'T in any way sculpt their lives and behaviors in order to be attractive to people they want to attract? Obviously, values play a role insofar as holding certain values changes one's tendencies. Let's say that locust doesn't believe in truth, or is flexible enough in their cognition to actually believe what they are saying. If that is the locust's present state and ability, has there been a transgression?

    So here's some questions. To any of the women who've been with a locust…was it enjoyable? Do you regret it? Did you learn from it?

    I seduced my wife. In the end, she was as involved in communicating and spelling out the boundaries that would become the foundation for any sexual relationship. She stated clearly what she wanted and needed, and I agreed, and I've lived up to it. If she had not been communicative and expressed and clarified what she needed, I would probably have slept around, because I love making love to women. It's not about conquering, and more than trying every item on a menu is about conquering a restaurant. It's about loving the different shapes, and smells, and tastes, and hearing the different sounds that women make in the height of passion. There is nothing wrong with that.

    In the end, is the locust wrong? That depends upon their own values and whether they are congruent and living with integrity. Meanwhile, we all must live with our choices, and take responsibility for our reactions.