All I Really Need is a Good F**k & Someone to Pick Me Up at the Airport.

Via Kristin Luce
on Mar 24, 2011
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I’m single for the first time in 25 years.

Bonus: The Best Marriage Advice from a Divorced Man.

I now see that most of the things I wanted from my relationships are actually things I can do for myself. After my divorce two years ago, I panicked at the idea of setting up my own Wi-fi system, cleaning the gutters, and finding help moving furniture.

The truth is that doing these things, or getting help doing them, has been easy.

Even hiring a handyman to fix the occasional faucet leak has been far less expensive than staying in my tragically outworn relationships. Single for the first time since I was seventeen, I suddenly realize that I need just two things from a partner: a slow, deeply connected, open-hearted, rapturous f*ck, and someone to pick me up at the airport.

Of course when my plane arrives I could catch a bus—or even hire a car service if it’s that important to me (and for some reason it is). But in this one case I love to be met by someone who is genuinely ecstatic to see me. It’s really the same thing as the f*ck. I can do it myself, and that’s fine and all. But there is something about being done”by the apple of your eye that’s, well, different.

Accepting that there are only two things I am missing by being alone takes the pressure off of getting into another relationship. I can make the money that I want, I can set up my own Wi-fi (as it turns out), I can get deeply restorative massages from people who actually want to give them, and I can dine and dance with friends who don’t stand me up 50% of the time. Realizing that I am pretty self-sufficient even softens the blow of losing my last rapturous relationship. In fact, it makes me take another hard look at why I stayed so long through the rollercoaster of ups and downs.

And there were a lot of downs.

Don’t get me wrong; the sex and airport pickups were often so good that every other problem paled in comparison. That was why it was so hard to leave, actually. But now, in the light of day, I realize that missing these two things is surprisingly manageable—and more than worth what I had to give up to get them. In fact, I haven’t lost the love of my life; I am not lonely; and I am certainly not abandoned without resources. Actually, it’s just the opposite. I have gained everything that I lost by being in relationship.

So as I imagine my next rapturous rendezvous, I realize that it could be quite different. It could be free of a lot of baggage—free of being a reference point for my sense of self and security, my fulfillment, and my whole future. I now envision a relationship in which I look deeply into my beloved’s eyes and say sincerely, “Dearest, I adore you, and I don’t need anything from you. Except two things…”

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About Kristin Luce

Kristin Luce is slowly going sane by using her actual life and relationships to wake up. Her quest for truth has led her through a B.A. in Philosophy, an M.A. in Buddhist Psychology, intensive retreat practice, certification as a Meditation Instructor, two life-changing relationships and two life-changing kids. She now provides in-depth coaching for individuals and couples who want profound and dramatic transformation. An avid writer, she has been featured in such publications as Mothering Magazine and The Buddhadharma, and is a regular contributor to elephant journal. Friend her on Facebook, Twitter, her website or contact her at [email protected].

Comments

124 Responses to “All I Really Need is a Good F**k & Someone to Pick Me Up at the Airport.”

  1. Neil says:

    'Even hiring a handyman to fix the occasional faucet leak …' http://www.fifer.info

  2. Grateful2be says:

    As a divorced woman this last year,after 20 years of a very challenging marriage, this was JUST what I needed to read today. Thank you!

  3. Jenna B Wiser says:

    Awesome article!!! I want these two things too!!

  4. Mims says:

    Me too!

  5. Tara says:

    Having just left a controlling marriage where I lost myself… such a perfect read…. a good little chuckle and a lot of ah hahs! Thank you!!! 🙂 x

  6. AJ says:

    It’s SUPERNICE to hear that some women could want to enjoy sex without trying to get me to wed them for life- and this article is a joy to read. But I’ll check my self next time I want to lay my life down for someone who doesn’t appreciate but two things.. 😉

  7. Ninon says:

    Absolutely spot on – became single at the age of 55 having never lived alone in my life. Six years later – I am content and just finished fixing a clogged drain and tightened up all my cabinet knobs. I hire out the big stuff. Your title – perfect!

  8. kristinalicia72 says:

    AMEN SISTER!!!

  9. Miriam says:

    Amen Sistah!

  10. Amy E says:

    If only! Tempting to think about.

  11. Feliciano says:

    Excellent and well written and thoughtful reply Nicole!

  12. aprilwildewrites says:

    Perfect!!!!

  13. ETP Plant says:

    I can get deeply restorative massages from people who actually want to give them, and I can dine and dance with friends who don’t stand me up 50% of the time.

  14. Kate says:

    Fabulous !!

  15. rebelsofbeauty says:

    Right on!

  16. Louis Gonzalez says:

    This piece was written 4 years ago, Ms. Luce is most likely in a different place now emotionally, but time and space notwithstanding, here are my thoughts to the recent re-post of this article on Facebook… She suggests that the driving force behind getting into “…tragically outworn relationships” was not some type of emotional bond, but rather to tend to mundane tasks – like fixing the occasional pesky faucet leak or setting up wi-fi – that post-divorce, is now delegated to handymen.

    The Good news … she’ll find no shortage of short-lived suitors who’ll gladly pick her up from wherever she’s running from or to… as long as they don’t have to deal with the baggage she’s carrying – either real or metaphorical – in exchange for no-strings sex.

    I feel actually jealous that these are the only things missing from her life is rapturous sex and taxi service, but I’m not quite sure amazing sex is the panacea for what’s truly missing… Only she knows that.

    Travel light faire maiden.

    Louis

  17. KIM says:

    YES!!!! PLEASE!!

  18. jeff says:

    I was thinking the same thing myself, Ken. What an incredibly narcissistic, short-sighted, and cynical view of relationships. If it were a man writing this, readers would be calling for his head. Instead they’re saying “You go girl!” & making come-ons. It’s an expression of pain, but a rather crooked and dishonest one.

  19. Adam James says:

    Exceptional article!

  20. Anya says:

    very liberating to hear. But does that make him feel ?

  21. Simple says:

    Articles like these that influence mindsets need deep introspection. It's heartening that women are being able to exercise choices finally and developing a sense of self that excludes the male approval. But I wonder, do women have to sound exactly the same as men in the process of discovering their individuality? A Man would say "All I Really Need is a Good F**k & Someone to Cook A Sumptuous Meal". Shoudn't evolution of our spirituality, make us stronger in building relationships rather than making them feel like burdens? Shouldn't we gain awareness and a greater control over our senses to bring understanding and attraction into our relationship that is not just skin deep? But maybe it will take a few decades or a century of role reversals for that balance to happen. Till then its time for chaos 😉

  22. KristinSLuce says:

    Yes, I admit that I am just shallow and looking for sex and someone to tend to mundane tasks. Truth be told, that particular relationship yielded this penultimate gift: take the clothes out of the dryer quickly and fold them before they wrinkle. That was a wonderful take-away. Thank you for you condescending and presumptuous estimation of what is truly missing for me. You may have missed the humor and sarcasm of the original post, but only you would know that. Travel light, young lad!

  23. KristinSLuce says:

    It is satire.

  24. Stephen says:

    I read this a while back when you first wrote it…I liked it then and still do now…I’m pretty sure you wrote it somewhat tongue in cheek..but it still resonated with me…I’m 5 yrs out of a very complicated marriage in which I paid a huge price to stay in .. I used to think that “staying” was a superpower of mine..I don’t believe that anymore..I’ve discovered that learning to honor yourself is a far more rewarding.. After all…what do we really need beyond that. 🙂

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