January 9, 2012

Spring Cleaning For The Soul.

I noticed earlier this week that my orchid had five new buds. That’s right five new little baby buds just waiting to spring forth and take on the new year. This orchid is my baby. I love her. I check her water every day, change her when she needs it and make sure she gets just the right amount of sunlight to keep her happy. So you can imagine my delight when I saw that my little princess was growing.

Today, I saw that one of her little buds was budding. Thrilled, I went in for a closer look. The purple little swirls on white canvas were starting to shine through. I went to turn to walk away and noticed something unfamiliar on my dresser top. Pedals. Wilted pedals. My heart sank – for a moment – but then I thought “well maybe these pedals need to shed to make room for this new little addition”, immediately followed by “I need to fix this”. And fix this, I did not. I played with her a little too aggressively, trying to re-position her in her pot for better success. She snapped, right in half. Out loud: “I can’t believe I just f*$#ing did that!”.  Thank Buddha, my orchid came as twins and I still have another beautiful stem left to pamper.

Last year was my year of change.  And from writing and reflecting through reverb 11 I learned that in order for these new changes to happen, some old had to be let go of.  In order to move on to a new place, the current one had to be left.  In order to take on new habits, some old needed to be lost.  Just as I dream of cleaning out and re-arranging my closet for a new season, so too did I need to clean out and re-arrange my mind.  A spring cleaning for the soul.

Change is the process of becoming different.  And for a long time I believed that it had to be a lot of work. And at times it does, and at times it was. But what I was missing was a belief in the nature of change. An understanding in the process of change. I would think of this woman that I wanted to be and I would  force myself into that idea. It wouldn’t work. I would snap.

In nature, change happens naturally.  Trees sprout, the sun shines, the rain falls and the trees grow.  The fall comes and the leaves change and with the winter wind the leaves are scattered throughout the streets.  With the spring comes new buds and the cycle continues.

Change, I’m learning, involves both the process of letting go and the process of letting in.  There is a natural rhythm in change that needs to be respected.  I have changed the most over this past year.  Not only in my thoughts and ideals, but in my actions and reactions.  A change has happened in the way that I view the world and my place in it.  This was a change that I didn’t even know I wanted.  A change that just happened over time, naturally, through reading, through yoga, through traveling and the people I met along the way.  There was no force.  No need to snap.

This change, led me to view change – and it’s process – differently.  Rather than fight for it and end up running from it,  I just opened up to see what would happen.  Sometimes, just by letting go of our ideals and opening up to the world and it’s possibilities something really beautiful can take place.  And that’s what happened.

If only I could keep this openness throughout the day, every day, my greenery wouldn’t have to pay the price.

“Change is the essence of life.  Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

~ Reinhold Niebuhr

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