May 25, 2012

Now Accepting Applications. The elephant Girls’ Version.

What do women want? Since you asked…

So a few of us were discussing Waylon’s post about wanting a girlfriend, and the difficulty of meeting “Mr. Right” instead of “Mr. Right Now.” We asked our friends what our qualifications were and pondered what we wanted in a man. Here’s what we came up with:

Carolyn says:

My Relationship Requirements & Qualifications.


1. Feel empathy, act compassionately. Which goes along with:

2. having a big _ e _ _ _.*

3. Must see the good. Beneath all of the hurt and dirt that was thrown in the past between you and the women you have loved before me, buried below the jilted, broken-hearted rubble, there is so much good. If you believe that and you can see it, even if it is faint and flickering, then I can see you and me. More on that here:

4. Slow my roll. Pull me back into bed before I start brewing extra-bold coffee and lacing up my sneakers. Remind me of the value of lazy Sunday mornings where the bed head goes uncombed and we eat each others soft, sweet kisses for breakfast.

5. Be okay with my past. I’ve been young, dumb, naive, reckless, desperate and at times pretty ugly.  I have given away parts of myself haphazardly under the mislead guise of fun so many nights I no longer wish to keep count.

Know that any judgement you feel towards me, any labels you want to project, I have, in the past, similarly felt towards and projected upon myself with a ferocious, fiery force. I have crawled on my knees through those flames, repenting. Those days are over. My shoulders gave way from the weight of my own self-criticism long ago.

Living life on your knees, apologizing until you are blue in the face is not really living at all.

I turned off the voices, accepted and then rejected the labels, and turned up the lovingkindness. The upside to this, if there is one to be seen, is that I don’t care one stinkin’ bit if you were the wildest of wild young thangs. That is a-okay with me. You will never have to apologize for it or feel less because of it.

You’ve done a whole lot of learning? Cool, me too. I’m still learning. Every day that we wake up we are someone different. You are not the same as you were yesterday and tomorrow you will surly be someone new. I will be okay with all of you and every you. I ask for that same consideration in return.

(*heart, silly.)

About Me: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly.

I’ll give it to you straight:

1. I am a terribly picky eater. Taking me out to most restaurants will more than likely result in you thinking I don’t eat. This, I can assure you, is not the case (these hips had to come from somewhere). I simply don’t enjoy eating the same foods the majority people like to eat. Don’t worry. I will not try to make you give up your burgers. I won’t gag obnoxiously when you eat them in front of me or try to shove Peta ads down your throat when we get home. Do your thing baby and on the same token, let me do mine.

2. I am a sickly routine person. Ask me to skip a run or give up a yoga class and I might go getting all defensive, making you feel like you are somehow imposing. This is completely selfish and sh*tty of me. Please see number four under requirements and follow suit. You can remind me that I wrote this, thereby giving you full on permission to strictly enforce spontaneity.

3. I have so much love in my little heart that it actually explodes daily. I want to share some of it with you. I want to give and give and give of myself some more. But not just to you. To the whole world. To everyone and anyone who needs it. Are you willing to share my love?

4. I have been told that I have really phenomenal breasts. So there’s that.

5. Sometimes, when I hear a song I really like and hits me just right, I will listen to it on repeat. As in all day long. Just boppin’ around, smilin’ like a baby. I realize this might be annoying to some people. Here’s a little nugget, a tasty little treat of that action:



Jamie says:

My Recipe for Love:
No relationship is perfect, there is always compromise.
Sometimes you feel like you are on the edge of a cliff looking into the clouds.
There are moments of sheer joy, there will be fights, there will be contentment, there will be an ease, there will be love.

Equal parts Jake Ryan

and Frank Martin

then add the sprinkles, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and a cherry on top.

 and mix well with this

Monique L Lievre

P.S.: If you run across this man let me know, I have yet to locate one.

And me?


Plus this:

Equals me.



But here’s the thing: everyone spends so much time looking for “the one” that they forget the one thing that needs to happen before he or she can find “the one.” If you want to find the right person, it starts by being the right person. It starts by learning to love ourselves.

We need to remember that all of those details—good and bad—are just the weather. We are the blue sky underneath.


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