May 30, 2012


Photo: mosippy

We are witnessing a stunning proliferation of technology, especially when it comes to apps.

There are over 500,000 apps in Apple’s App Store and over 300 new apps are released every day.

This has inspired my new blog called “Welcome to My Apphole”—because if you’re going to enter into the Black Hole of apps, you need a guide like me.

Following are some of my best ideas for apps:

1. MisterSaggyNips

This will use a facial expression algorithim combined with photo capture technology to show what type of breasts a man would have…if he were a woman.

2. DarthGaydar (my brother’s idea)

Scan your friends with your smart phone and the app will say in Darth Vader’s voice:  “Gay” or “Not Gay”

3. OyMama

Like a Jewish mother, this app will tell you exactly what to say in order to make someone feel shameful and guilty.

4. BocaBlaster

Fart into your smartphone and this app determines the translation of your fart in English, Cantonese, or Lemerig.

5. JerseyVooDoo

Speak into the phone and this app will give your voice an instant Jersey Shore accent. Version 2 will include SouthieVooDoo (which translates your voice into a hard core Boston accent) and ValleyVoodoo (which translates your voice into a Valley Girl accent).


When you look at the App Store and some of the junk populating its cybershelves, one has to ponder what’s coming next.

Technology is getting out of control. There will be 16 billion smart phones by 2017. And technology’s health implications are worsening by the day. Can you spell c-r-i-s-o-s? (Obviously I can’t.)

Following are depressing stats from the recently published book iDisorder by Dr. Larry Rosen which in sum reports on the very real possibility that all these new personal gadgets may be making some of us mentally ill.

  • >>70 percent of those who report heavily using mobile devices experience “phantom vibration syndrome,” which is what happens when your pocket buzzes and there’s no phone in your pocket.
  • >>The latest research is showing that constantly checking our wireless mobile devices can cause or exacerbate obsessive-compulsive disorder.
  • >>According to The Telegraph, withdrawal symptoms experienced by young people deprived of gadgets and technology is compared to those felt by drug addicts or smokers going “cold turkey.”

Time for a Break

If you, like me, use your smartphone for everything from an iPod to iPoo, it might be time to consider its impact on your Power.

Let’s think back to the last scene of the very first Star Wars movie…when Obi Wan Kanobe commands Luke Skywalker:”Use the Force, Luke.”

Luke proceeds to shut down his super sci-fi, high tech instruments and rely solely on his natural instincts.

As Star Wars creator George Lucas has often acknowledged, “The Force” has its roots in the ancient Eastern spiritual teachings. In other words, The Force is very much The Tao.

The Tao is like a bellows…
it is empty yet infinitely capable.
The more you use it, the more it produces;
The more you talk of it, the less you understand.

Both The Force and The Tao are rooted in things other than thought—things like feeling, sensory perception, intuition, instinct.

Technology, on the other hand, is purely an extension of thought.

There is not (yet) a form of technology that is an extension of The Force or The Tao—of our feelings or instincts.

Use Your Force

So let us be weary of giving the Tech Titans (and our smart phones) complete control of our lives.

As writer Henry Miller said,

Nothing is great enough or wise enough for any of us to surrender our destiny to. The only way in which anyone can lead us…is to restore to us the belief in our own guidance.

Until there’s an app to guide you to your depth of your purpose, or hug you on a bad day, or capture the scent of creosote after a desert rain…

…we have to realize that only the force of Nature can heal our soul, or open our heart, or moisten love’s slippery slope.

PS: Ironically, I am part of a team developing an app to actually trigger intuition and instinct. Yes, it’s that awesome. We are seeking a talented mobile app designer/developer to join our design team.

There are plenty of resources behind this project and we are needing someone impassioned about turning the smart phone into a source of serenity and meaningful connection rather than stress and chaos. Please email me if you are interested.

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Editor: Lynn Hasselberger

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