Robert Pattinson’s “Unselfish” Definition of Love.

Via Waylon Lewis
on Jul 26, 2012
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Love isn’t for the timid. Love is tough stuff. Love requires vulnerability. Love requires letting go. Love puts us on the chopping block for all our world to see.

While it may be pop culture gossip, it’s a reminder: love hurts. So let’s remember, that as every teen girl’s favorite vampire says, love requires room for individuality. And individuality requires room for mistakes, particularly when we’re young.

Robert Pattinson was asked: what is true love?

“I think it’s to be with someone and let that person be herself. Each one has to live their own lives, but with the support of the other person.

And you need to be able to do what you want.”


For more: Waylon Lewis’ “Love is Selfish.”


And more: Kathryn Budig’s Vampire Love.


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


14 Responses to “Robert Pattinson’s “Unselfish” Definition of Love.”

  1. […] more here: Robert Pattinson's "Unselfish" Definition of Love. | elephant journal This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged every-teen, for-mistakes, love-, love-requires, […]

  2. In psych terms, it's the ability to consider self and other equally, which is also an interdependent stance. The options on either side are the unhealthy SELFISH (INDEPENDENT) stance or the SELFLESS (DEPENDENT) stance.

    It's nearly impossible to let the other person be who they are, and do what they want, if that permission has not been granted to self. Most relationships end up a bargaining grounds and trade-offs, where couples give to get, and adapt to the expecations of other, to prop up the illusion of love.

    I better blog this, since it is what I learned, not just read.

    Lori Ann

  3. "It's nearly impossible to let the other person be who they are, and do what they want, if that permission has not been granted to self. "

    I think you hit on something very important there. If we haven't given ourselves permission, there's no amount of tradeoffs in a relationship that feel balanced. It needs to start with how we treat ourselves if we are going to genuinely do that for anyone else.

  4. matthew says:

    I don't believe relationships boil down to binary choices or "either/or". Having been in Mr. Pattinson's shoes on multiple occasions, I feel that the real lesson here is: having total trust in someone is not always going to work in your favor.
    I have always treated my partners how I want to be treated, but that doesn't mean they live up to that standard. I feel for him (Pattison) as a fellow cheatee, and think he is being very dignified about a very unpleasant situation.

  5. exactly! Often overlooked because we are prone to focus out there, on other, as if what ails us is external….it starts in here, internal. Anohther way of saying it–outer peace starts with inner peace.

  6. Hi Mathew–we can really never put our trust in another, not if that trust means–your actions will never hurt me. What we can trust is who we will choose to be in the middle of any mess, including betrayal….that is where trust matters. In our own ability to respond vs react, to grow vs shrivel, to choose to see the good in all things (something good is always trying to happen) vs to see the bad just because the story line is not to our liking.

  7. mithras says:

    "If you really loved someone
    you would help them to realize Nibbana,

    you wouldn't entangle them
    in your own neurotic desire systems…"

    ~ The Buddhist monk, Ajahn Sumedho

  8. solfulsoul says:

    love is (both) knowing.

  9. Jannica says:

    I read his words and right away get the subtext of someone who doesn’t really know real unconditional love. This is a boy who has an idea of love but is safe guarding himself by not really committing, leaving the choice to do what you want ( be with others).

  10. Guest says:

    I think it is sad that this happened yet they are both very young. The pain will not necessarily lessen with time but it will be manageable and lessons will be learned. It is even harder because they are in the public eye so much. Life does go on whehter we want it to or not.

  11. yogasamurai says:

    Excellent, Mithras. It's the spiritual foundation and principles that must guide you always – in love, no less than in work, family and friendships. That's what you surrender to, that's what guides you both. It erases these narcissistic ego conflicts or puts them in perspective. I am always amazed by the failure of faith formation among the New Age spiritualists of every stripe. It's pure blather their "spirituality." There's no surrender at all, because in the end they still want to play God.

    The relationship is a celebration of God that leads you both closer to God, however you define this. You help "pastor" each other. Only the great religious traditions teach this. The rest is just endless confusion – and yes, neurosis – masquerading as "freedom." Ah, and once you have children, that's when true "surrender" begins. Best left to spiritual grown-ups!

  12. […] was the scandalous admission by Kristen Stewart that she had in fact cheated on Robert […]

  13. Isabelle Jacobs says:

    i really like this video on the topic



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