32 Truths Every Adult Should Know.

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Can I get an amen?

Okay, it’s silly, but put a number in the title and words like “should” and “must” and we just have to know what’s on the list. We steel ourselves to disagree with what was included or left out. We wonder what magical thing will we learn this time, when usually, magazine and internet lists are the same old thing over and over.

But this time? I’ll bet you laughed or nodded (except maybe to #30).

So let’s all agree:

There is no magical list of eight new ab moves coming out next month.

The top five amazing foods that fight aging are all fruits and vegetables so just eat more fruits and vegetables already.

The 10 things you can do that are going to make your life more wonderful?

The first one isn’t engaging in comment wars on the internet. It probably has more to do with letting go of anger. Or being grateful. Or being compassionate to yourself and others. Or realizing that all of this isn’t something to take seriously—so let’s laugh.

Let’s all laugh for a few minutes, forget all our grown-up worries and go out and look at the stars.

I guarantee you’ll feel better.

~

Bonus: Three things I wish I knew when I was 22:


Another simple way to detox: 

~

Relephant Reading:

15 Ways to Stay Human.

28 Ways to be Kinder, Gentler & More Compassionate.

 

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Kate Bartolotta

Kate Bartolotta is a wellness cheerleader, yogini storyteller, and self-care maven.
She also writes for Huffington Post, Yoga International, Mantra Yoga+ Health, a beauty full mind, The Good Men Project, The Green Divas, The Body Project, Project Eve, Thought Catalog and Soulseeds.
Kate’s books are now available on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com.

She is passionate about helping people fall in love with their lives.

You can connect with Kate on Facebook and Instagram.

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anonymous Nov 27, 2015 4:25am

No, you can not get an amen. Number 20 is ridiculous, even amidst the absurd snarkiness of this post. Are you talking about inner-city USA, or bigoted Italy circa 1500? Exactly. Irresponsible.

anonymous May 23, 2015 11:55pm

I was laughing out loudly there in me… While reading the trueness of these points….truly amazing….

anonymous May 22, 2015 7:37am

Amen. Life is what we make it right.

anonymous May 21, 2015 10:37pm

This list is actually old and is missing some other lines from the original but still it's Pretty funny but #23 shouldn't be on there. Texting and driving is so dangerous and shouldn't be joked about. I agree with what's been said about #30.

anonymous Apr 14, 2015 12:47am

You’re allowed to be offended that ghettos exist, but not that someone might not want to drive through them with her family. More importantly, you don’ t have to agree with 100% of something to find value in it. This has value. Even if you ride a bike.

anonymous Apr 11, 2015 7:52pm

With the exception of the racial and economic privilege inherent in number 20, I loved this. That one nearly killed this for me.

anonymous Apr 10, 2015 5:19pm

I don’t know about the last one. This a.m. I smacked the mug full of water I had on the table next to my bed/alarm several times before I woke up enough to realize it wasn’t the snooze alarm.

anonymous Feb 14, 2015 5:58am

Pretty harsh on cyclists! Otherwise, I have to agree most profoundly with just stopping after two "What?"s and nodding. Happens everyday.

anonymous Feb 14, 2015 12:53am

These were for the most part great! We had a fast debate on #30 beneath some other person's post of this on Facebook.. We think to replace "bicyclists" with "mopeds" would be the perfect improvement. Everybody hates mopeds. In regards to #20: In all honesty, we know there's poverty in America and it sucks. There are so many ways the richest country in the world could materially help them. But there ARE neighborhoods that we may drive through that given a CHOICE we wish we hadn't. I don't think one should read anymore into #20 than that.

anonymous Feb 13, 2015 11:33pm

Number 20 was in poor taste.

anonymous Nov 9, 2014 2:40am

Absolutely delightful! All of you neoliberal statists that are offended by this lady’s unabashed disdain for bicyclists, the hood, and snoops upon her demise may suffer from the unfortunate malady known as cranial rectal inversion. There is a cure for it, but it usually involves strippers and jello shots. Once you have recovered from your dire illness, perhaps then you will acquire an appreciation for the fine art of satire. Well done, Miss Kate. Well done!

anonymous Sep 15, 2014 6:46pm

I was a bit disappointed that the #20 "avoid ghetto" note made it onto the list, and will admit I stopped reading after that. Why is it funny to laugh at avoiding people's poverty?

anonymous Sep 15, 2014 1:07pm

This was definitely funny. But really, "avoid ghetto?" That's a little racist/classist, don't you think? You know people live there, right?

anonymous Aug 16, 2014 9:28pm

Truths? . #20 shows that you are scared of people that aren’t like you (white) #1 I doubt if your friend died you would even think that? # 2 learn humility. I could go

On but forgetaboutit,you won’t get it! One!

anonymous Jul 20, 2014 2:27am

Seriously? I found this funny at first then the red light? It’s great for texting. And you hate cyclists? And you don’t want to ride through “ghettos”. Very disappointing.

You must live in a void where poorer people with social problems don’t exist. Sid everyone else on the road as this text can’t wait and as for cyclists. Well, apart from cars being one of the biggest reasons for co2 pollution and global warming (apart from the US meat industry) you should maybe have a little more time for these issues.

anonymous Jul 19, 2014 9:29pm

hahahha, omg, she's freakin funny! Laughed so hard at most of them!
I broke down and had to donate $2 to get more like this- it was humor therapy! So worth it.
Thanks Kate Barlolotta- thanks for the laughs! Do some more- you've a natural! :))
BTW- I'm at a red light writing this! hahaah

anonymous May 2, 2014 2:49pm

Further to number 1, the best friend is also responsible for hiding the single woman's "toy box." I would hate for my Mom to come across it. 😀

anonymous Apr 12, 2014 12:52pm

Amen! #25 had me LOL.

anonymous Apr 12, 2014 6:42am

Funny stuff, except for #20. I don’t think remaining blissfully unaware of crappy places other people have to live should ever be an option.

    anonymous Apr 20, 2014 9:44am

    agreed. Number 20 is really offensive.

anonymous Apr 12, 2014 2:35am

20 is pretty tasteless

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anonymous Mar 18, 2014 3:16pm

Greetings! Very helpful advice within this article! It’s the little changes which will make the largest changes.

Thanks a lot for sharing!

anonymous Mar 15, 2014 11:00am

Amazing that so many people were offended or taken aback by #30, but not #20

anonymous Mar 14, 2014 11:39am

All these comments that are negative just goes to show that some people can’t take a joke anymore! The Ghetto comment wasn’t racist, I have plenty of friends white and black that will tell you straight up they live in the ghetto and we laugh about it! The bicyclist comment was truth, they hate pedestrians and people in cars just as well! No one can drive these days nor walk for that matter because they have they’re heads in their phones. That brings me to the texting and driving…it said to finish a text, I will start a text at a stop sign, put my phone down and hope for a red light to finish it. Y’all read way too much into something that is supposed to be funny and bring a smile to your face! Get over it!

anonymous Mar 13, 2014 5:31pm

Was totally enjoying it and nodding in agreement until I got to number 23….. 🙁 PLEASE….No texting in the car…in Australia it is illegal, but besides that..I have a loved one in full time care after glancing at an incoming text message and as a result, having a head on collision with a large SUV.

anonymous Mar 13, 2014 3:33pm

Aaron Karo didn’t write it, but rather it was a collection of ruminations from several contributors on his now defunct site, ruminations.com. I used to frequent the site and saw these posted at the time, but they’ve since then been circulated in emails as a list. Still funny, and clever, nonetheless, but that’s the true source.

anonymous Mar 12, 2014 10:22pm

Ha ha! Nice you called out #30 too; I was laughing down the list and then all the sudden, "Hey now, *I'm* that bicyclist!" Actually, even though I am the bicyclist, I still think it's funny. Truth hurts, if it makes you laugh hard enough. Plus, I could add to that: Drivers all hate each other just as much, too.

anonymous Mar 7, 2014 1:05pm

I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great.

I do not know who you are but certainly you are going

to a famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!

anonymous Mar 1, 2014 6:28pm

Um, I loved this!

anonymous Feb 24, 2014 12:18pm

Amen! This is awesome 🙂

anonymous Feb 20, 2014 11:15am

I'm still laughing. And yes, can someone PLEASE create a sarcasm font? sheesh.

anonymous Feb 20, 2014 8:35am

This is hilarious and so true!

anonymous Feb 16, 2014 2:49pm

Wowzers, #20 is crazy racist.

anonymous Feb 16, 2014 9:05am

Youch. Can't believe that #20 got posted. Please reconsider before posting content that props up class segregation with more fear and selfishness.

    anonymous Feb 13, 2015 10:34pm

    I definitely found #20 offensive and it ruined the list for me

anonymous Feb 16, 2014 8:34am

First 20 were funny. Should have stopped at 22. Nothing funny about texting and driving or hating cyclists behind the wheel. They go in the same category as joking about drinking and driving or pedophilia. Save all those jokes for your fellow inmates, they will appreciate them…

anonymous Feb 16, 2014 6:00am

hahahahhaaH hilarious, putting it on my fb. 😀

anonymous Feb 15, 2014 6:59pm

Regarding number 7: If you don’t want instructions on how to leave your neighborhood then HAVE YOUR POINT OF ORIGIN BE THE NEAREST CROSS STREETS OR INTERSECTION! I figured that out a LONG time ago. It’s really not that hard, people.

anonymous Feb 15, 2014 6:01am

I like all -except #30. i have friends who areavid bicyclists. And they knew people who were killed by drivers. Just give bicyclist some space and share the road!

anonymous Feb 12, 2014 6:04pm

🙂

anonymous Jan 9, 2013 1:45pm

Love this!

anonymous Jan 9, 2013 8:27am

Definitely # 12 is my fav

anonymous Jan 8, 2013 8:21pm

Very true.

anonymous Jan 8, 2013 6:37am

Kate, you are a HOOT! Enjoy your posts AND your bio, every time 🙂

anonymous Jan 4, 2013 9:58am

[…] […]

anonymous Jan 2, 2013 9:24pm

#26: so you are one of those uptight interferers-with-progress in an emergency? mind your own business people- you don't know everybody's story! sometimes you have to let people flow & mind your own business 😛 you should be ashamed, patting eachother on the back when people are having their vehicles overheat or losing their jobs, or whatever makes them feel the need to escape a traffic jam. someday it will be your turn & i hope the smug, self-righteous people let you though anyway <3

anonymous Jan 2, 2013 4:21pm

I homeschooled my children and told them the reason to learn cursive was so they could sign autographs and checks. So they can all sign their names and otherwise print or use keyboards to communicate. Life is short – let those who love the curlicues learn cursive and go on to address wedding invitations for others – the rest of us will learn to cursive our name in case we achieve celebrity status and spend the rest of the time learning to type!

anonymous Dec 9, 2012 8:48pm

RE number 20, What if you live in "THE GHETTO" http://yoisthisracist.com/

    anonymous Jul 20, 2014 11:42am

    We all know that old people would really love to avoid the ghetto, but are afraid to say it.

anonymous Dec 9, 2012 2:32pm

Re edemarco's comment about plagiarism – it says at top of list it comes "via" Kate, which can simply mean she is making us aware of this very funny list, not that she wrote it. and it can't be that old, can it? how old is Blu-Ray?

i decided i'm printing this out for several people for a Christmas present. it's FUNNY. funny rocks.

anonymous Dec 7, 2012 6:06pm

I would imagine Waylon Lewis takes issue with #30. 😉

anonymous Dec 7, 2012 7:17am

you were right about 30. the rest are hilarious! thanks for the laughs. happy friday. will share.

anonymous Dec 7, 2012 7:17am

Amen! lol

anonymous Sep 5, 2012 10:08am

Cursive was always seen as a right of passage. Ooo, next year we learn to write in cursive. And like many rites of passage, it was dumb. And still is demanded by those parents wanting it taught to their children when "kids really learned things in school". Right. Dumb then, dumber now. Now if we learned in cursive, perhaps there could be a reasonable discussion…

    anonymous Mar 13, 2014 9:16am

    As a professor who has to give in class exam then go home and struggle to read what the students wrote I'm all for anything that will have them practice writing even if it is a "right of passage". The handwriting of stydents today look like they are writing with their feet and that's the good ones.

anonymous Sep 5, 2012 5:29am

I laughed until my stomach hurt on this one!!! Thanks and thanks again for this!!!
Homeprotec gevelrenovatie en andere gevelwerken zoals schilderwerken, gevelreiniging, voegwerken en meer.

anonymous Sep 4, 2012 11:33am

Just too good. I read it and was in splits..my husband got curious and he's grinning:) Thank you for sharing this.

anonymous Sep 3, 2012 8:54pm

I love to ride my bike. But I have to agree with #30. I am afraid of them, especially the hardcore ones that fly out of nowhere because they are feeling so very awesomely fit and fast.

anonymous Sep 1, 2012 8:31am

months ago I printed this list from an email I received from a friend. I posted it on FB with the caption, Can I get a amen. Odd to this this then appear here credited to another author. This list is old, and the last truth is missing, which was the point of the whole list, I am assuming she left it off because she worried it worried be offensive to men, but to repost a viral chain email as her own is plagerism. She did not come up with this list…..and here is the last truth missing:_The first testicular guard, the “Cup” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.__…………….Quit Laughing!

    Kate Bartolotta Sep 1, 2012 2:49pm

    Wow! Actually, I didn't post it as my own at all…the photo/infographic is linked to its source. Interesting to learn that it was a viral chain email. Does anyone claim authorship of those things? I'd love to know where it came from originally & would be happy to credit if it originated elsewhere.

      anonymous Sep 2, 2012 8:37am

      I do not know who if anyone claims to be the author…I got it forwarded to me from a friend who received it from a friend. Good question about who ever claims authorship of the chain emails.

      anonymous Feb 15, 2014 6:43pm

      Aaron Karo wrote it. Of course you could have found that out if you did 5 seconds of work.

anonymous Aug 31, 2012 2:15pm

Love it SOOOO much – so funny!!!!!!!!!! Thanks

anonymous Aug 30, 2012 2:22pm

love love love this one! especially what you wrote at the end…guess i'm far from alone!

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 5:28pm

Superb!

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 4:48pm

Loved it, but I agree with Barbara about the bicyclists. They really do have it tough enough already.

Agree totally with your comment as to how to make one’s life better. Have you ever noticed that those great people who have “gotten it” are laughing all the time – e.g., the Dahli Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu? Think of all they’ve gone through, yet they’ve let go of anger, etc.!

A great post.

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 4:24pm

Cursive — making literacy and the everyday beautiful and personal. We should all look through a Victorian era "sentiment" book (their version of a yearbook) and marvel at the beauty. Oh, and great post, hilarious. 🙂

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 2:04pm

25 was my favorite!

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 10:48am

So many of these were fun to laugh at but not number 30 about hating bicyclists. There is a great deal of road rage against bicyclists that must stop. No 30 perpetuates this hatred which can lead to people seriously hurt or dead. Yes there are bicyclists who don’t ride properly but same goes with pedestrians and drivers. But always the one with the car ‘wins’.

    anonymous May 3, 2014 9:55am

    I don't understand why motorists get inpatient with pedestrians and bicyclists… Even driving 30-40-50 miles per hour, you're going to arrive at your destination in good time. Biking and walking, is such a slow comparison to a car. Motorists need to understand that the pedestrian and cyclists are the right of way in every situation. If you have to wait, suck it up and just WAIT. Would you rather have an injured pedestrian laying in the road, with your only explanation: Well I wanted to get to Carvel and get my ice cream… I'm sorry he has a broken hip and is now on his deathbed, but I was hungry?

      anonymous May 22, 2015 5:49am

      Oh, come on. We know we can't throw a blanket statement over everyone (there are plenty of responsible cyclists out there), but too many cyclists are in places they don't belong. The speed limit is 40, 50. You know damn well you can't go anywhere near that. So why should I have to wait because you want to ride two-wide in the bike lane to talk to your buddy while you train for the Tour de France? Or, worse, you need to, for whatever reason, be riding down a road with no bike lane? No bike lane means they didn't plan the road for you.

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 8:45am

It's always nice to realize you're not the only one who thinks about these things!!! 🙂

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 8:26am

Oh gosh! That was awesome! Great way to perk me up at the start of work!! Thank you. 🙂

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 8:02am

I was happily agreeing and laughing along until I realised “MY GOD! This means I’m an adult!”

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 7:38am

looked at the stars. thank you.

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 7:17am

Inarguable wisdom, top to bottom !

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 4:58am

Hilarious! Thanks Kate! I'll share this one up fo sho.

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 12:44am

perfect b4 bed reminder that life is a ride. THanks kate!

    anonymous Sep 17, 2014 10:41pm

    I was hoping that is a bill hicks reference.

anonymous Aug 28, 2012 9:55pm

I laughed until my stomach hurt on this one!!! Thanks and thanks again for this!!!

anonymous Aug 28, 2012 9:53pm

Amen!

anonymous Aug 28, 2012 8:12pm

Yep, I was laughing & nodding with most of them! Must share…