November 13, 2012

The Whole Point of Every Relationship (is probably not what you think it is).


I’m not an expert on relationships, but I’ve had a bunch and learned from them.

At least enough to gain some intellectual insight that (hopefully) translates over time into a living breathing shift of being.

Turns out, it’s not about making each other happy, or any other kind of imagined perfection. It’s about helping the person in front of you be everything they truly are.

Here are some ways to do that.

1. Hold each other accountable.

Understand the gift she is here to give this world.

2. Call bullsh*t.

Reflect when she isn’t giving it.

3. Let go.

Trust in his separate journey, even when what he’s doing makes zero sense to you.

4. Remember that your job is not to make your partner happy.

It’s to allow her the space to find her own happiness—when you’re together, and when you’re apart.

5. Be honest. 

One hundred percent. The permission you give yourself to be all of who you are is what creates that space.

6. Fight well.

You’re both on the same team. Your opposition is the misunderstanding—not each other.

7. Embrace attraction to others.

It’s there. Communicate, be clear (with everyone, including yourself), and enjoy your fabulous human existence.

8. Do your work.

It’s usually not about him, or her. Your partner is a flashlight illuminating where you’ve still got work to do. Those feelings of jealousy, resentment and hurt? They’re showing you all the places in you that need your own healing.

9. Remember that you’re a mirror, too.

Reflect back all the beauty that lives in him. Especially when he forgets.

 10. Enjoy the ride, man!

Seriously. You’re never going to figure it all out, so you might as well just love everybody.

This list is totally incomplete. Have some of your own lessons from the road to share? Post in the comments below. We all thank you.


Bonus: These two are a perfect example of this kind of relationship:


Ed: Lynn Hasselberger

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Image: Milan Popovic/Unsplash

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mary May 20, 2015 9:20am

#4 in a committed relationship it is your job to make each other happy! When you do that it brings happiness to both and shows that your not a selfish person.

#7 accepting not embracing it but don’t flaunt it.

34yrs married and proud to say these two comments work!

A Feb 11, 2015 5:26am

Number 7… of course everyone is talking about it. It’s whatever you and your partner decide is healthy for you. Embrace it and go for it, if you’re both ok with that. In my marriage, my husband and I aren’t ok with physically embracing attraction to others, but we are not so naive to think that the attraction never happens. Being realistic will save many a broken heart.

Kim Roberts Jan 11, 2015 9:29am


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Natasha Blank

Natasha Blank is a dancer, dj, integrative healer, and the founder of Get Your Dance On. She creates collective experiences that feed our hunger for life through radical self expression, and plays in the spaces where creativity and healing meet. She is also in the midst of dancing every single day for a year, and invites you to join her. You can find out more about her journey at Get Your Dance On