3.7
December 27, 2012

Peace Motherf***ers! What I’m Leaving Behind from 2012. ~ Michelle Marchildon.

For many of us, it was a year defined by massive transformation and loss. I hope it means that we have survived a clearing of Universal proportions for 2013.

For me, I lost Anusara, a yoga school I loved, and innocence about the teachers I adored. Moving forward, this is what I’m now leaving behind forever.

Anything “Auspicious.”

I should have known better when I spent $10,000 and five years of my life studying a yoga system that hailed the world “Auspicious.” Because truthfully, that was the kind of word we writers pondered when extremely high. “Auspicious,” “radical” and “totally cool double rainbows” all seemed, well, more auspicious under the influence of something stronger than downward facing dog.

Branded Yoga.

I’m done with brands, unless they are on a purse. Anusara, Bikram, The Roots, Forrest, Jivamukti—whatever. While each has benefits and clarifies the style of practice you will find in a class, none are perfect. That was my realization: there is no one style of yoga that is better than the rest. From now on I’m just going to practice regular-old yoga, you know, the kind that makes you feel better. After everything I spent to become a branded yoga teacher, I am now a Hatha teacher and proud.

Handstand.

I finally got it in the middle of a room! Now I’m over this pose and moving on. If I never achieve it again, I will still live a happy life. Okay, maybe I want it just one more time…

Love and Light.

I’m filing this with “Namaste,” “Blessings,” and “May your days be filled with shri.” I’m done with the tireless yogic speak because too often these words are used to cover up very un-yogic actions. I’m also over hostile emails from yoga studios threatening to cut pay, fire teachers, and install cameras to thwart stealing and signing it all with “peace.” Yes, peace to you, motherfu%&ers. At least I’m honest.

The Relentlessly Positive.

There is something so utterly depressing about the relentlessly positive people in yoga. They are the ‘Stepford Wives of Shri.’ And they are all over my columns with shri-filled comments! I even had a shri-demented troll this year who stalked me because being funny isn’t yogic. Please people, there are so many yogis writing rainbow-covered blogs about love and the joys of being vegan. Go read them! Mine are rooted in reality for the yogi who’s not yet perfect.

Low Self Esteem.

If this is the year to move forward, then I am leaving behind the yogi plague of low self-esteem. Teachers can hardly correct alignment anymore because it seems that everyone needs to be told – constantly – they are perfect.  If you suspect that you may not be perfect and you want to feel stronger and healthier, then by all means come to my class. If, however, you need to be told that you are divine and shri all the time, then I know a branded yoga that’s just right for you.

Namaste bitches!

~

Ed: Kate B.

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