Romping Intercourse with Love. ~ Veronica Ryl

Via elephant journal
on Dec 9, 2012
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Bring back the prude.

Sex. Sex sex sex sex… sex sex!

Have I captured your attention yet?

I pondered long and hard (pardon the pun) on using the word ‘prude’ in this article, as I thought it could be wildly misinterpreted. After deep contemplation I decided to keep it, as it is an expression that  a couple of close girlfriends and I often use, and it feels personal.

According to Urban Dictionary, a prude is defined as “a girl or guy who’s afraid to do anything sexual.” On the other hand, describes the word as “a worthy or respectable woman.” I am going to go with the latter definition as relevant to this article.

Sex—a naturally occurring, biologically driven phenomenon—has been over exploited, labeled innumerable ways, shamed, used for power and status, abused and wrongfully confused as a manifestation of other emotions and thoughts.

I am not against sex. On the contrary, I am tremendously in favor of it.

However, I can’t help but feel the interpretation of what it really is has been blurred quite significantly. It has objectified rather than connected, placed emphasis on the act of gaining rather than giving and destroyed innumerable relationships due to obsessive and unhealthy behavior.

We live in a society where the emphasis is on instant gratification of all varieties—fast food, porn, shopping, gambling, social media, television, sex. We can blame our lingering primal instincts for this fascination with bottomless instant pleasure. Because of our deep rooted urges from back in the caveman era, the chemistry in our bodies has not yet caught up with our lightening speed advances in technology, modernism and the fragile evolution of our own human soul.

Sigmund Freud is quoted as saying, “The behavior of a human being in sexual matters is often a prototype for the whole of his other modes of reaction in life.” If you look around, sexual energy is an undercurrent in mostly everything in the modern day world—suggestive advertisements, pornography, movies, most of the songs that you hear on the radio, day to day interactions with the people in your life. What is Googled the most? You can sure as hell bet it’s not global warming or the current political status in Zimbabwe; it’s pictures of Kim Kardashian in her sexy workout gear. When we are driven by unchecked primal urges, our world has some serious priority issues.

Here’s a quick intermission: a hilarious video that perfectly illustrates my take on the silliness of shallow sexual motives:

The more something is repressed, the more it imbeds itself deep into the murky subconscious, and the more it manifests in strange and unhealthy ways.

A good example of this can be found in Japanese culture, where society dictates that everyone must work 14 hours a day, seven days a week, and keep up with a high standard of intellectual capacity and material wealth. This mindset is deeply ingrained into children from an early age, where they have to go to ‘after school’ and ‘after after school’ programs in order to compete with their peers. Tokyo presents this juxtaposition as a super-hub of lights and technology next to ‘love hotels’ with businessmen unabashedly rifling through sex toy vending machines and porn bins. In the city one can find ‘pink lantern’ salons where men can pay women just to massage them and pay them compliments. Sex stores exist to fit every fetish and fulfill any fantasy that could possibly exist—from urinary catheters to used underwear to sushi dildos. It seems that this is the way society has built outlets for these repressed undercurrent erotic sensations to come to surface. This manifestation can be found all over the world, except perhaps in a jungle tribe where a copy of Playboy would seem quite ludicrous.

There are a lot of broken-hearted, hardened and lonely people hoping that casual sex and one night stands will satisfy the human connection that they are truly seeking. I, personally, have experienced both sides of the coin—sex as a selfish and selfless act. I am in no way denying that sex is a biological need that must be met, but I truly do believe that under the proper positions (pun intended) of life situations, sex can be a rewarding and beautiful experience that just comes naturally. If society’s perspective could only change to embrace sex as a pure, organic act, the shamefulness, dogma and stereotypes would quickly dissipate.

I fully support the acceptance of romping intercourse. Romping, wild, earth-shattering, swinging-off-the-chandelier intercourse. Romping intercourse with love.

Partaking in sex with another human being is the most intimate experience you can share. It is wrong to degrade and objectify another person for your own selfish, short-lived pleasure; bodies should be enjoyed with the respect and appreciation they deserve. If treated as such, sex will turn from a loveless act into one blossoming with pure love, the way it was meant to be.


Veronica Ryl is an extreme adventurist, modern day philosopher and life-lover with a major interest in psychology. She is in the eternal process of defining herself and her beliefs (and is making up the rules as she goes). Her other interests include: travelling, physical fitness, the great outdoors, self expression and venturing outside her comfort zone. Passionate about life experiences and people; she would love to get to know you.




Editor: Olivia Gray


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7 Responses to “Romping Intercourse with Love. ~ Veronica Ryl”

  1. Adam says:

    Thank you for this article Veronica. I have spent a good deal of my time and energy trying to understand how our cultures (and and collective conciousness) conditioning has warped sexuality into something very alien to me.

    Everything your saying here is right on to me, there is so much information on this topic and depth to it…but asking these questions of why sex and love are not one in our world is a good step in the right path

    I struggle on a daily basis with staying true to my deep truths about sexuality, and balancing that intense drive to be close and intimate with a women with the wisdom of waiting for the right person, right timing…waiting for love.

    All I can do for now is stay true, do my yoga…take care of my self and be in love with my life.

    I know that when I meet her, she is in for a wild time.

  2. inesmiamor says:

    I disagree with your last paragraph. It seems very arrogant to me for anyone to assume that sex "was meant to be" anything beyond a means of reproducing the species. Also, by stating that there is a right way and a wrong way to do sex, you're creating another new reason for a person to be ashamed of their sexuality.
    From my perspective, there's nothing wrong with sex without love or selfish sex or sex that involves degradation or objectification. All of those things are fine as long as both parties consent to that sort of interaction. I suppose you could say that negotiating consent for a particular type of sexual interaction is a form of love. That's okay I guess but is not clear in your writing. I find clear communication of desires and boundaries far more useful in sexual interactions than talk of "love" or "right/wrong" ways of doing things.
    It's also a less dualistic and more wholistic approach.

  3. Veronica says:

    I do agree with you, my intent with this writing was to banish the negative connotations associated with sex to bring it to an unadulterated and natural state of being.
    Sex is sex is sex and it inevitably is a part of everyday life for everyone whether selfish or selfless, and you're completely right in saying that there are no right/wrong way of sexual interactions- I should have communicated this point more clearly.
    (TBA next comment, apparently this reply is too long to post…)

  4. Veronica says:

    However, many of times people's motives and intentions are not communicated clearly and so confusion/degradation can occur. With sex being a biological need it is not wrong to objectify another for this purpose- as long as it is mutual. In my experience sex can be an act of 'reproducing the species' primitive style, or it can be an expression of an intimate connection. I throw the term 'love' along loosely in conveying this; moreso I mean an appreciation of life itself.
    My idealistic closure point is that if sex was removed as 'taboo' from society, then it would be an open natural process with no hard feelings and minimal confusion. Labels and stereotypes of 'right' and 'wrong' sexual behavior would disappear and people wouldn't have to be ashamed or unhealthily covet what is only natural. But again I'm an idealist at heart…

  5. […] Want to cuddle you, nuzzle you, snuggle you […]

  6. inesmiamor says:

    I see what you're saying and it makes a lot more sense to me now.
    I do wonder though about the mutuality of objectification being necessary. I have many sexual interactions with men who objectify me far more than I do them. Although I set things up so that they are required to respect me and see me at least somewhat as a human being, I still know many of them are objectifying me more than I am them. What makes it okay is not the mutuality, it is the consent I give and my ability to feel compassion (or love) for them despite that.

    But that's just my experience…

  7. […] And yet, there is more to my story than pure lust. […]