January 16, 2013

Unexpected Clarity in a Moment of Self-Doubt. ~ Nichole Gould

Source: kalahariresorts.com via Kalahari Resorts on Pinterest

We all experience moments of self-doubt.

Feelings of not being enough can create a seemingly unclimbable wall to continue moving forward toward our dreams. Life gets rough; there are obstacles that challenge our commitment to success and happiness.

Sometimes we come to a screeching halt while contemplating our worth.

I had one of those moments today. I woke up feeling melancholy, tired and completely defeated by life. I have been facing hardships that have my head reeling with questions. I have been frantically searching for the answers, the solution to this problem. I continue to come up short. The “fight or flight” response to adversity has been flip flopping back and forth in my mind for weeks.

I’m not sure that I have the strength to persevere.

Part of me just wants to give up and run away to a tropical place where I can hide for the rest of my life. Seriously, I have considered moving to an ashram in India to observe silence for at least six months. I have considered moving back to my hometown, even though I know I would not be happy there. I have considered Mexico or perhaps a secluded cabin in the woods.

Anywhere else but here!

But then the reality of the situation always prevails and I am back to feeling lost and stuck, with fear clinging to my insides.

How am I going to survive this time?

Then the events of my day changed. I was supposed to teach back to back yoga classes at my studio. However, my daughter woke up with a migraine. I desperately contacted the people on my sub list and no one was available to fill my spot. So I had to cancel my classes.

I felt guilt and fear. I felt that I was disappointing my students. I worried that this would hinder my growing business.

I thought, “Maybe I am just not good enough. Who am I kidding anyways?”

Then the answer came to me, like a little voice inside my head, I thought: either I am crazy or this is my intuition, my gut calling on me. So I dared to listen…

Suddenly, images of my students in post Savasana (rest pose) bliss flashed before my eyes. I could see their smiles and hear their laughter as I sang, “Don’t Rock the Boat” during Navasana (boat pose).  I could hear their grateful response to my closing Namaste.

Of course you are good enough, I said to myself. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace as I realized that, in spite of the recent shit in my life, I am finally, finally doing something I am passionate about. I know this because after each class I feel uplifted, grateful and happy. I feel light and tingly like I am floating. I know that I am in the right place because today I felt the absence of my teaching, the absence of my students and I missed it all so much it made my heart ache. My routine was interrupted, but I discovered that I am truly on the right path.

I love teaching. Not for what I get from it, but for what I am able to give. I am able to share with my community the blessing in having a yoga practice and a teacher who cares about them. After every class I feel love and abundance in the room sometimes to the magnitude that I have to choke back tears of joy.

I was once asked by an interviewer, “What do you get from teaching yoga?” I answered that it isn’t about what I get; it’s about what I give. It is about creating a safe and welcoming space for the students. It’s about offering them something that I know has the potential to help them grow emotionally and physically. After today, I know that I truly receive many blessings in return.

I get the trust of my students. I get their gratitude. I receive love and light. I get acceptance. Through their positive feedback I get their approval. Through their reflections I become a better teacher and in turn a better person. I get the satisfaction of sharing something that has the potential to heal and to nudge  towards being more alive and aware. I get just as much as I give, if not more.

In those moments of teaching, from preparation all the way to the hours after class is over, I am completely fulfilled.

In this moment of clarity, I gained new strength and hope in dealing with the current issues in my life. There is no need to run. My faith that everything will be OK has been restored. I finally listened to my intuition and received the messages loud and clear.

No wall is too big to climb, so get moving!

You are good enough.

You are strong.

You are resilient.

You are love.

You are enough.

You got this!



Nichole Gould is the founder of Barefoot Warrior Yoga in The White Mountains of New Hampshire. As a Student of life, yogini, yoga teacher, landscape gardener, single mother, organic pizza waitress and lover of all board sports, she considers herself a jack of much and a master of none. She can also be found dabbling with guitar playing, singing off key, reading from her many stacks of books or writing poetry. Feel feel to peruse her Facebook page or contact her via her website for more insight into her ever curious mind.



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Ed: Brianna Bemel

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