February 14, 2013

What Men Really Want for Valentine’s & Beyond. ~ Lori Ann Lothian


Get ready to be delighted, surprised, turned on, curious and amazed.

It started with an online conversation with another female writer, who jokingly suggested what men really want for Valentine’s day is a steak and a blow job. We cackled like hens (on FB messages you can still feel the cackle without an emoticon).

Then, brilliant idea! I would write my own clever and deep version of what I think men really want (excavating the masculine soul and all that).

But blessedly, the Homer Simpson “God of doh” intervened, smiting me with a come-to-my-senses-moment replete with me smacking my own forehead: Why would I even try to guess the answer from my womans-eye view? Why imagine that men, categorically, have similar wants?

So instead of writing my list of the generic male desires for Valentine’s Day, I asked some men I know to write their own list for me.

Ok, men, what do you really want for Valentine’s Day?


A bottle of Jameson (any variety will do), a back rub, and reassurance that my diaper-wearing days are still far ahead of me.” ~ Dave Matthes author of ‘The Slut Always Rides Shotgun’, blogger and insatiable romantic


“For my lover to look me in the eyes—showering love, admiration and appreciation into my soul. Then give me a gentle kiss… slow and lingering. A sweet whisper in my ear, letting me know that I am the power, the presence, the love that she fully embraces through her body, soul and mind. And a single flower to represent the perfect reflection of love’s beauty.”

~ James Smith,  sacred sexual healer, freedom fighter and devoted father.



“A back rub, a big fucking grass-fed steak, some good, connected sex with someone I care about, and a nap. A yoga class in the morning with or without her. Up to her, but it would make the sex better if she came (to yoga) too.”

~ Rich Krzyzanowski, personal chef, personal trainer, yoga and meditation instructor.


“I want the raw honesty of my woman as she lays naked and open in front of me, fully accepting that the tinge of insecurity that runs through her mind in the exposure is nothing but a step into eternity. I want to feel her quiver as I take her in my arms until, finally, the insecurity is swept up in the current of desire, love and truth. It is there, in those moments of insecurity and doubt, that we find ourselves a foundation of eternal truth and a blessed love that can never die. Valentine’s Day is no longer just a celebration of relationship to me, it is a celebration of the embrace of two souls, of two minds, and of two hearts who are exposed, naked, and no longer searching for security anywhere outside of that embrace.”  Tom Grasso seeker, pathological meditator, a veteran firefighter and rescue tech, a poet, a blogger, and writer.


“My dinner 10 minutes earlier and my coffee two hours later.” ~ Bruce Siow


“She takes the lead for the fun of it, setting up the mystery of a romantic day together…We men love the attention once in a while. This may be filtered through the lens of post-flu weakness and wanting to be a little taken care of!” Barry Selby author, speaker, catalyst, change-agent and guide and The Passion Consultant.


“An exquisite nude swan sliding in under the covers, to engulf and embrace me with her ethereal curves and graces.”

~ David Esotica, Master and Commander of Red Silk, sexuality explorer, blogger,


“For it not to be a violence against another day. Meaning: for one not to energize this day in a manner that could give it the appearance of being greater than another day.”John Suchman-Harrison


“That feeling that you get if you and someone else are cuddling and looking into each others eyes, that sense of closeness or unity. The love that overwhelms. That asks nothing in return. The love that wants to be shared that needs no sexual interaction, but the feeling of two hearts are interacting in this dynamic that makes one feel at home with themselves.”

~ Nick Myers, emotional alchemist, a zen flow practioning madman, a minimalist.

“The slowly waking morning curled against my wife…spending the day stealing glances, gazing deeper than the day before….savoring every last moment of the night’s ecstasies until daylight starts it anew….~ James Hunt


“I’d wanna be: Embellished with Enchantment, Entraining Ecstasy.”

~ Jim Fry, a Multi-vert and Magician-in-Training.



 I would like this Valentine’s Day for Queen Elizabeth to come and babysit my children for a few hours so that my wife and I could take a nostalgic afternoon nap, just like we used to back when we could barely afford rent. If the Queen could not do it, God save her, I would like Oprah to do it instead, and for her to tell all her millions to buy my novel immediately.

 ~ Gint Aras, Marriage Editor, Good Men Project,  author of Finding the Moon in Sugar.


“I don’t like Valentine’s Day very much. It’s asking us to promise what is impossible and pretend things. Don’t promise me you’ll love me forever and never leave me. Intuitively, I know that’s empty. The only one who can never leave me is mySelf. But give me an intensity of the experience in this moment…dance on fire with me. Then I am reminded all the way into my soul’s bones that Love is all we are.” ~ Jacob Nordby, passionate life embracer, author of The Divine Arsonist: A Tale of Awakening.

And of course I asked my own man Fergus, my husband, what did he really want for Valentine’s Day. I asked this after he’d already offered to cook me a dinner of wild mushroom risotto and seared scallops, my favorite.

“A day of play. Something athletic on my own or with friends (tennis, golf, skiing, run) followed by simple dinner with partner cooked together with nice wine. A joint massage. Soulful sex.” ~ Fergus

Well I guess I better prepare the massage oils and rest up for tomorrow’s soulful night. Happy Valentine’s Day all you lovely diverse men of myriad desires! And a heartfelt thank you for playing along with me to create this fun and insightful article.


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