What Men Really Want for Valentine’s & Beyond. ~ Lori Ann Lothian

Via Lori Ann Lothian
on Feb 13, 2013
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Get ready to be delighted, surprised, turned on, curious and amazed.

It started with an online conversation with another female writer, who jokingly suggested what men really want for Valentine’s day is a steak and a blow job. We cackled like hens (on FB messages you can still feel the cackle without an emoticon).

Then, brilliant idea! I would write my own clever and deep version of what I think men really want (excavating the masculine soul and all that).

But blessedly, the Homer Simpson “God of doh” intervened, smiting me with a come-to-my-senses-moment replete with me smacking my own forehead: Why would I even try to guess the answer from my womans-eye view? Why imagine that men, categorically, have similar wants?

So instead of writing my list of the generic male desires for Valentine’s Day, I asked some men I know to write their own list for me.

Ok, men, what do you really want for Valentine’s Day?


A bottle of Jameson (any variety will do), a back rub, and reassurance that my diaper-wearing days are still far ahead of me.” ~ Dave Matthes author of ‘The Slut Always Rides Shotgun’, blogger and insatiable romantic


jamessmith“For my lover to look me in the eyes—showering love, admiration and appreciation into my soul. Then give me a gentle kiss… slow and lingering. A sweet whisper in my ear, letting me know that I am the power, the presence, the love that she fully embraces through her body, soul and mind. And a single flower to represent the perfect reflection of love’s beauty.”

~ James Smith,  sacred sexual healer, freedom fighter and devoted father.



“A back rub, a big fucking grass-fed steak, some good, connected sex with someone I care about, and a nap. A yoga class in the morning with or without her. Up to her, but it would make the sex better if she came (to yoga) too.”

~ Rich Krzyzanowski, personal chef, personal trainer, yoga and meditation instructor.


Tom Grasso“I want the raw honesty of my woman as she lays naked and open in front of me, fully accepting that the tinge of insecurity that runs through her mind in the exposure is nothing but a step into eternity. I want to feel her quiver as I take her in my arms until, finally, the insecurity is swept up in the current of desire, love and truth. It is there, in those moments of insecurity and doubt, that we find ourselves a foundation of eternal truth and a blessed love that can never die. Valentine’s Day is no longer just a celebration of relationship to me, it is a celebration of the embrace of two souls, of two minds, and of two hearts who are exposed, naked, and no longer searching for security anywhere outside of that embrace.”  Tom Grasso seeker, pathological meditator, a veteran firefighter and rescue tech, a poet, a blogger, and writer.


“My dinner 10 minutes earlier and my coffee two hours later.” ~ Bruce Siow


barry selby headshot“She takes the lead for the fun of it, setting up the mystery of a romantic day together…We men love the attention once in a while. This may be filtered through the lens of post-flu weakness and wanting to be a little taken care of!” Barry Selby author, speaker, catalyst, change-agent and guide and The Passion Consultant.


David Esotica“An exquisite nude swan sliding in under the covers, to engulf and embrace me with her ethereal curves and graces.”

~ David Esotica, Master and Commander of Red Silk, sexuality explorer, blogger,


“For it not to be a violence against another day. Meaning: for one not to energize this day in a manner that could give it the appearance of being greater than another day.”John Suchman-Harrison


Nick Myers“That feeling that you get if you and someone else are cuddling and looking into each others eyes, that sense of closeness or unity. The love that overwhelms. That asks nothing in return. The love that wants to be shared that needs no sexual interaction, but the feeling of two hearts are interacting in this dynamic that makes one feel at home with themselves.”

~ Nick Myers, emotional alchemist, a zen flow practioning madman, a minimalist.

“The slowly waking morning curled against my wife…spending the day stealing glances, gazing deeper than the day before….savoring every last moment of the night’s ecstasies until daylight starts it anew….~ James Hunt


Jim Fry bio“I’d wanna be: Embellished with Enchantment, Entraining Ecstasy.”

~ Jim Fry, a Multi-vert and Magician-in-Training.



 I would like this Valentine’s Day for Queen Elizabeth to come and babysit my children for a few hours so that my wife and I could take a nostalgic afternoon nap, just like we used to back when we could barely afford rent. If the Queen could not do it, God save her, I would like Oprah to do it instead, and for her to tell all her millions to buy my novel immediately.

 ~ Gint Aras, Marriage Editor, Good Men Project,  author of Finding the Moon in Sugar.


Jacob“I don’t like Valentine’s Day very much. It’s asking us to promise what is impossible and pretend things. Don’t promise me you’ll love me forever and never leave me. Intuitively, I know that’s empty. The only one who can never leave me is mySelf. But give me an intensity of the experience in this moment…dance on fire with me. Then I am reminded all the way into my soul’s bones that Love is all we are.” ~ Jacob Nordby, passionate life embracer, author of The Divine Arsonist: A Tale of Awakening.

And of course I asked my own man Fergus, my husband, what did he really want for Valentine’s Day. I asked this after he’d already offered to cook me a dinner of wild mushroom risotto and seared scallops, my favorite.

“A day of play. Something athletic on my own or with friends (tennis, golf, skiing, run) followed by simple dinner with partner cooked together with nice wine. A joint massage. Soulful sex.” ~ Fergus

Well I guess I better prepare the massage oils and rest up for tomorrow’s soulful night. Happy Valentine’s Day all you lovely diverse men of myriad desires! And a heartfelt thank you for playing along with me to create this fun and insightful article.



About Lori Ann Lothian

Lori Ann Lothian is a spiritual revolutionary, divine magic maker and all-purpose scribe. Her articles on love, relationships, enlightenment and sex have appeared at Huffington Post, Good Men Project, Yoganonymous, Origin magazine, Better After 50, XO Jane and on her hit personal blog The Awakened Dreamer. She is also the creator of The 40 Day Magic Challenge. a daily practice to create a masterpiece life of ease, flow, joy and prosperity. Lori Ann lives in Vancouver, Canada, with her husband and daughter, where she has learned to transcend the rain and surrender to mega doses of vitamin D. Tweet her at Twitter


18 Responses to “What Men Really Want for Valentine’s & Beyond. ~ Lori Ann Lothian”

  1. I love these. I think our culture underestimates the deep need we all have to be loved, unconditionally, and nurtured. Men and women. Thanks to all of you for sharing this. I would love to be the partner to a man like this.

  2. Wow…I am shocked by the gentle soulful responses coming from the men…Maybe we should go ask a few carpenters, and blue collar hammer carrying workers. Then again this is the awakened readers site. But all in all I am a tad surprised at the sensitivity of the replies. Get out the oil.

  3. jim fry says:

    I have been a carpenter. 🙂

  4. Jacob Nordby says:

    I have been a landscaper, ditch digger, box handler, and shelf-stocker. I clean toilets, do dishes, fold clothes and help my kids with homework. Chop wood, carry water, yo! 🙂

  5. Well, some guys said they wanted sex!

  6. Just surprised how sensitive you all are… I am sure your woman love you and hopefully fulfill these wishes for you.

  7. @JacobNordby says:

    haha, Lori Ann,
    I thought that would be superfluous. I'm a guy after all–and guys, regardless how evolved, are pretty much cavemen. 😉

  8. jim fry says:

    I provided my answer on the fly. I'll now supplement it, based upon the original conversations.

    Life, Love & Sex may all be approached in various ways –
    Stoically, Cautiously, Neutrally, Imaginatively, Creatively, Playfully and Vigorously, to name a few.

    My perception of Valentine's Day is mixed, a juxtaposition of commercialism, romanticism and isolationism all wrapped up in red cellophane. Often in our partnerships, we feel alone and isolated and perhaps a day of intentional focus may be the vector for some to nurture their relationship and create more harmony and intimacy. Equally, I've abandoned the focused and ritualistic celebrations of (cultured) specific days, opting to celebrate every damn day as an incredible opportunity.

    In the discussion on this inquiry in the writer's group, I offered, in response to what do guys want inquiry, that we'd like our hearts and minds blown (no sex, required, btw …). I can't speak for all guys (clearly) or without self referencing (double clearly), yet I was asked and responded.

    I'd want any and all of my relationships, intimate and beyond, to all contain some magick, mystique and majesty. It is what I seek to bring, when I'm in a groove and in key internally. So, for Valentine's Day, if I woman were to read my heart and mind, and was inclined, she would:

    Engage her imagination, and mine.

    She would invest some time developing an event that lasted a week or more.

    She would tease, via daily e-mails or post-it notes, leaving casual tickles which don't reveal much, yet build anticipation.

    She would strike early, say on the evening of the 13th, leveraging the elements of the unexpected.

    If she did the above, it wouldn't matter what the final climax was, since she'd already have parlayed, foreplayed and engaged me, on all levels. That is the longer version, of: “I’d wanna be: Embellished with Enchantment, Entraining Ecstasy.”


  9. LLabon says:

    I'm with Jacob. The only thing I really like about Valentines is making sweet cards with my kids to share with their classmates and chocolate. Otherwise, I would really rather that the sweet attention and appreciation BOTH people in romantic entanglement desire happen at least every odd day of the week. Why limit our awareness of what is lacking in relationship to one day a year?

  10. sharongreenthal says:

    Loved all of these, especially Bruce Siow's, because it reminded me of my husband. Wonderful stuff!

  11. liberatedself says:

    Agreed, and what I've come to see is that we are responsible to love ourselves, it isn't the other that is responsible for that. And when we reach this, does it become unconditional to the point of overflowing onto others.

    And as a natural by-product it comes back full circle. Sometimes we get caught up in the drama that someone else can supply us with something that we already have

    Blessings to you! 🙂

  12. liberatedself says:

    Well I wouldn't say caveman… not at this time and not all men. If that is the strongest held belief inside, that is the reality that will reflect back.

    I agree that sexual desire is a biological process, but I don't think that relationships have to only largely be based around sex to be wholesome because sex is like an itch. it will only be resolved for a short time. while the connection that we make with others can reach depths that not only affect the other but help us re-discover who we are.

    Plus I have a beard, and that's enough to know that I'm manly enough.

  13. @JacobNordby says:

    hahaa, LiberatedSelf.

    yes, yes… I know what you mean. I was admitting to being human, but I love being engaged fully in taking new steps for mankind. 🙂

  14. liberatedself says:

    haha, just call me Nick,

    blessings to you brother! heartfelt agreement there to new steps!

  15. lindalla says:

    I came here on a link from another Gen Fab member expecting something completely different. Loved all of these, and the beautiful expressive way each one expressed their wish. Great read!

  16. Lexi says:

    Great article:) Thanks for sharing:)

  17. I got a little wet reading some of these. I think I'd best go tend to my own man's (belated) Valentine's Day needs, huh?

  18. Interesting Thanks for sharing..